15 parenting mistakes you donít know youíre making - Singapore Forums by SGClub.com
Singapore Forums by SGClub.com
Sitemap Contact Us FAQ Singapore Forums by SGClub.com
Home Photos Member List Register Mark Forums Read  
Go Back Home > Lifestyle > Love & Relationships > Family Matters » 15 parenting mistakes you donít know youíre making

Why aren't you a member of SGClub.com yet??

» Join 130,000+ other members in chatting.
» Make lots of new friends here.
» Keep up-to-date with current events.
» Participate in Club outings.
» Download lots of Free Stuff!

Registration just takes 2mins and is absolutely free so join our community today!

I Want to Choose my Own Personal Nickname Now!


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 31st October 2012, 08:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of

 
*StarDust*'s Avatar
 
Posts: 67,882
Join Date: Oct 2007
Likes: 408
Liked 349 Times in 307 Posts
Gender:

15 parenting mistakes you donít know youíre making

15 parenting mistakes you donít know youíre making


Many parents think that they might be doing what's best for their child but they may unknowingly be hurting them Ö

By Daniel Wong | SingaporeScene


Through my work, I've had the honour of interacting with thousands of students and young adults.

When students and young adults share their struggles with me, it becomes evident that many of these struggles have to do with their relationship with their parents.

Obviously, parents would never intentionally frustrate their children. But none of us are perfect, and parents are no exception.

In this article, I'll describe 15 things that parents often do inadvertently, which hurt their children.

I'll make it clear upfront that I'm not a parent myself; all of these observations are written from the child's perspective.

(To avoid writing "he or she" repeatedly, I'll assume that the child is female.)

1. Call her "stupid" or "useless"

It's shocking that, in a fit of anger, many parents call their child "stupid" or "useless". Cruel words like these can remain etched in her mind for a lifetime.

2. Decide everything for her

Doing this can make her feel like she's being restricted and that she's not wise or intelligent enough to make her own choices.

3. Overemphasize the importance of obedience

Some parents do everything they can to raise an obedient child, but this can come at the expense of the parent-child relationship.

4. Don't show affection

When parents rarely show affection, the child may begin to question whether she is loved.

5. Discipline her when they are angry

Discipline should be carried out when the parents are calm. Caning or spanking the child shouldn't just be an immediate reaction to something she has done.

6. Show conditional (or seemingly conditional) love

Parents wound a child psychologically when they appear to show love and concern only when she performs well in school or when she's well behaved. Children need to know that their parents' love is unconditional.

7. Compare her with her siblings or with other children her age

Every child is unique, so she shouldn't be made to feel as if she's living in the shadow of someone else.

8. Praise her for her ability, instead of her effort

Praising the child for her commendable effort will encourage her to develop new skills and try out new things, instead of doing only the tasks that she has already proven her aptitude in.

9. Set boundaries but don't enforce them

Parents often set boundaries with regard to behaviour, sleeping time, household chores, etc. When these boundaries are not enforced, it causes the child to become confused and, possibly, defiant.

10. Allow their emotions to get the better of them

Based on my observations, the majority of parenting mistakes occur when parents fail to control their emotions. When parents allow negative emotions to get the better of them, it indirectly gives the child the permission to do the same. This manifests itself in the form of temper tantrums and teenage angst.

11. Attempt to achieve their unfulfilled dreams through her

Many parents live vicariously through their children. This can, however, be unhealthy. Parents who force their child to study certain subjects or pursue certain careersóagainst her wishesócan cause her to become angry and resentful.

12. Continually bail her out of trouble

For example, if a child forgets to bring her mathematics textbook to school and is threatened with punishment, many parents would bail her out by bringing the textbook to school for her. This kind of parenting, however, doesn't teach her to take full responsibility for her choices and her life.

13. End arguments by saying "I know what's best for you"

Parents use this phrase as a kind of trump card, but it's hardly ever effective. Instead, parents should express how much they love and care for their child, all while stressing the fact that choices come with consequences that she will have to bear.

14. Shield her from challenges and discomfort

It's completely natural for parents to do this, but it usually isn't best for the child's long-term development. Challenges, discomfort and struggle are necessary for her to find enduring success.

15. Allow her to become the center of the family's universe

Many parents allow the child's wants and needs to determine the entire family's schedule, plans, etc. But when this is taken to an extreme, the home environment can become hectic and stressful. Instead, parents should make the child realize that she is an important member of the family, but that the world does not revolve around her.

In closingÖ

Parenting isn't just about raising children. It's about empowering the next generation to be the best they can be, and to lay the foundation for a better future and a better world.

Such a noble and monumental task requires parents to continually reflect on their parenting style, so that they can improve as parents day by day.

To all of you parents reading this: I know you're up to the task.

Source: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singa...060644249.html

Sponsors:
__________________
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth". - 1 John 3:18
*StarDust* is offline  
Add to *StarDust*'s Reputation Reply With Quote
Members who Liked this post by *StarDust*:
Sevens (4th November 2012)
Old 31st October 2012, 09:02 AM   #2 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
Reeve Teo has a spectacular aura about

 
Reeve Teo's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,705
Join Date: Oct 2009
Likes: 6
Liked 44 Times in 38 Posts
Gender:

Re: 15 parenting mistakes you donít know youíre making

I think my parents done like 4 or 5 points of the mistakes stated above.....

Reeve Teo is offline   Add to Reeve Teo's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2012, 08:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
New SGClubber
Carolista is on a distinguished road

 
Posts: 23
Join Date: Oct 2012
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Gender:

Re: 15 parenting mistakes you donít know youíre making

Parents often want children to have things they themselves missed out on during their own childhood. The children end up receiving things they didn't even want in the first place. It's wrong to try to relive your own childhood through your children.

Carolista is offline   Add to Carolista's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2012, 10:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of*StarDust* has much to be proud of

 
*StarDust*'s Avatar
 
Posts: 67,882
Join Date: Oct 2007
Likes: 408
Liked 349 Times in 307 Posts
Gender:

Re: 15 parenting mistakes you donít know youíre making

Yes, let the children grow up, let them enjoy their childhood.

__________________
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth". - 1 John 3:18
*StarDust* is offline   Add to *StarDust*'s Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 4th November 2012, 09:09 AM   #5 (permalink)
Cool SGClubber
Sprinkle is on a distinguished road

 
Posts: 36
Join Date: May 2012
Likes: 0
Liked 3 Times in 2 Posts
Gender:

Re: 15 parenting mistakes you donít know youíre making

I have heard the "I know what's best for you" statement from a lot of parents. I understand that parents are so concerned about their kids and their intention to protect their children is nothing but good. However, parents should also remember that their kids have individual needs and what worked for them (parents) may not be the best for their kids.

Sprinkle is offline   Add to Sprinkle's Reputation Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Parenting Altumangel SGClub Cafe 18 17th May 2008 09:09 AM
Aspiring doctors get to learn by making mistakes angelican16 International & Singapore News 0 9th April 2008 04:37 PM
Deadly Dating Mistakes that Most Guys Make, and How You can Avoid Making Them Again! funnysnow Love & Relationships 8 18th June 2007 08:32 PM

» Sponsors
Watch Free Movies Online
Celebrity Gossip
Food Delivery

» Facebook Fans
» What's Going On?
Title, Username, & Date
Repost comment.
Stupid court of appeal gives red light running driver who hit pedestrian 15% discount
Mum's Kitchen Catering and Cherish Delights get licences suspended after nearly 40 people...
[PMD-pedestrian rules] Singapore Court judges are high handed and biased or court rep
Post anything random on this thread.
Ritter Sport chocolate recalled due to undeclared allergen
Aoki Hagane no Arpeggio: Ars Nova
I really hate my mother!!!
Transcend RDF9K2 All-in-One Card Reader
Transcend ESD250C, a portable SSD thatís super classy
How PAP exploited racial differences to impose FASCIST rule over Singapore.
Up to S$7250 of government $ misused for buying each vote in Singapore?
Funky Fields organic vegan spreadable recalled due to 'undisclosed allergen'
100 hawksbill turtles released into the sea after rare hatching on Sentosa
Inspirational Songs
MOH, SFA investigating after 18 typhoid fever cases in 3 weeks
By militarily invading Hong Kong, Xi Jingping is setting in motion, the wheels of nuc
Deng XiaoPing original vision for HKG- China reunification was for the two to unite a
HSA warns against three products
Warning : Blacklist buyer/adopter Alert
Featured Photos
by marisoljames322
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
13619 comments
by marisoljames322
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
13619 comments
by pdsubbu
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
13619 comments
by Vikas Dhar
· · ·
Photography
35 photos
36 comments
by aaudreygan
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
946 comments
by aaudreygan
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos
28606 comments
by a8paris
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
946 comments
by a8paris
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
946 comments
by aaricia
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos
28606 comments
by aaricia
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos
28606 comments

 

All times are GMT +8. The time now is 05:21 AM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright© 2004-2013 SGClub.com. All rights reserved.