[inle]

jux sharin...
enjoy ya....

Crucial Characteristics of Lasting Love
By Dee Anne Merriman

First comes that split second of physical attraction. Next that thrilling feeling of chemistry. But when the veil of romance starts to lift, what's life really like off the dance floor?

Too often, love is blind.
When Jenny and Michael met, they were instantly attracted to each other. Those electrifying sparks started flying. In an exciting whirlwind of parties and romantic dates, they swept each other off their feet. They decided to get married and live happily ever after. Years later the hormones had calmed down (and so had the fireworks). When the smoke cleared, the mismatches started to emerge. Her passion to shop and his questionable money decisions created constant financial stress. He liked to hang with the guys at the bar. She loved to go to the theater with friends. They disagreed on children and family values, especially religion. Communication broke down. Eventually, they grew apart.

Sound familiar? A physical and chemical match is essential at the start, but the excitement of a budding new romance eventually wears off. Making thoughtful dating decisions can mean the difference between revolving relationships and finding lasting love.

Dating experts outline seven match areas to consider:

Physical appearance
While physical appearance and attraction draw two people together at first, these aspects will affect the rest of their lives. If working out and staying fit is important to you, will it bum you out if your mate doesn't share your quest for rock hard abs?

Emotional maturity
Is this person emotionally mature and centered or are they still lugging around some trunk-sized baggage? How does your sweetheart relate to family and friends? Is he or she emotionally supportive or have control issues? Is your mate aware of his or her own issues and interested in addressing them?

Lifestyle choices
This includes career and social lives, common interests, leisure time activities and energy levels. Would she rather join the bowling league or the metropolitan symphony? Does he have lots of energy for activities with friends while she'd rather rest and chill out at home?

Financial style
This is a hot bed for most couples. It includes income levels, financial goals and views on handling money. How do you each want to spend, save and invest? Is one person a spender while the other saves? Is one person financially responsible while the other plays catch-up with child support and bills?

Value structure
This match area is often overlooked but has a tremendous impact on your life. It includes the big values: Honesty, integrity, loyalty, views on family and children, religion and spirituality, life goals and the treatment and care for others. Does your mate follow through on her word? Would you say he's trustworthy? Will she always be there for you in a pinch?

Marriage and sex
Everyone does not share the same idea of marriage. The big questions to address are: What do you and your mate expect from marriage and sex? Is he or she looking for a soul mate? Do you both want close intimacy in friendship, communication and sex?

Intelligence
Having similar education levels increases your chances of sharing matching school and social experiences, intellectual interests and career goals. What topics do you and your honey like to talk about? Conversation limited to sports or shopping may get boring to someone who likes to ponder philosophy and bluster about business.
While you don't have to match exactly in each area, look at the big picture and make sure you match closely enough in the important areas of your life.

Dee Anne Merriman is a freelance writer who often covers relationship issues.

[icyOrange]

its a good guideline but i think its abit too much. LOL. just be yourself. and dont fall in love..just walk thru it and everyone will do just fine..

[zxichigoxz]

guidelines are useless. Natural is best . By following guide lines, u are like a "puppet" of the guidelines. Haha!

[inle]

guidelines r jux guidelines....
there s no rule in esp in the game of love....

[zxichigoxz]

yeah i agree

[MiRyung]

Is there such thing as a love that will last?

[diesopain]

You cant find a love that ll' last juz by following guidelines....this are juz tips...not guidelines...it all goes down to the couples' action these are juz factors....

too often i find that instant attraction tend to lead the relationship cooling down very fast....find a way to sustain this feeling is the key to any lasting relationship.

[BiBi]

interesting~ thankz for sharing.

[inle]

jux sharin tis...
i tot it mite b useful but dun take every word directly...

there r no hard n fast rules, guides n guidelines....

enjoy....

[loveyunki]

thanks for sharing... very useful

[Artemis86]

Originally Posted by davidkwankk

jux sharin...
enjoy ya....

Crucial Characteristics of Lasting Love
By Dee Anne Merriman

First comes that split second of physical attraction. Next that thrilling feeling of chemistry. But when the veil of romance starts to lift, what's life really like off the dance floor?

Too often, love is blind.
When Jenny and Michael met, they were instantly attracted to each other. Those electrifying sparks started flying. In an exciting whirlwind of parties and romantic dates, they swept each other off their feet. They decided to get married and live happily ever after. Years later the hormones had calmed down (and so had the fireworks). When the smoke cleared, the mismatches started to emerge. Her passion to shop and his questionable money decisions created constant financial stress. He liked to hang with the guys at the bar. She loved to go to the theater with friends. They disagreed on children and family values, especially religion. Communication broke down. Eventually, they grew apart.

Sound familiar? A physical and chemical match is essential at the start, but the excitement of a budding new romance eventually wears off. Making thoughtful dating decisions can mean the difference between revolving relationships and finding lasting love.

Dating experts outline seven match areas to consider:

Physical appearance
While physical appearance and attraction draw two people together at first, these aspects will affect the rest of their lives. If working out and staying fit is important to you, will it bum you out if your mate doesn't share your quest for rock hard abs?

Emotional maturity
Is this person emotionally mature and centered or are they still lugging around some trunk-sized baggage? How does your sweetheart relate to family and friends? Is he or she emotionally supportive or have control issues? Is your mate aware of his or her own issues and interested in addressing them?

Lifestyle choices
This includes career and social lives, common interests, leisure time activities and energy levels. Would she rather join the bowling league or the metropolitan symphony? Does he have lots of energy for activities with friends while she'd rather rest and chill out at home?

Financial style
This is a hot bed for most couples. It includes income levels, financial goals and views on handling money. How do you each want to spend, save and invest? Is one person a spender while the other saves? Is one person financially responsible while the other plays catch-up with child support and bills?

Value structure
This match area is often overlooked but has a tremendous impact on your life. It includes the big values: Honesty, integrity, loyalty, views on family and children, religion and spirituality, life goals and the treatment and care for others. Does your mate follow through on her word? Would you say he's trustworthy? Will she always be there for you in a pinch?

Marriage and sex
Everyone does not share the same idea of marriage. The big questions to address are: What do you and your mate expect from marriage and sex? Is he or she looking for a soul mate? Do you both want close intimacy in friendship, communication and sex?

Intelligence
Having similar education levels increases your chances of sharing matching school and social experiences, intellectual interests and career goals. What topics do you and your honey like to talk about? Conversation limited to sports or shopping may get boring to someone who likes to ponder philosophy and bluster about business.
While you don't have to match exactly in each area, look at the big picture and make sure you match closely enough in the important areas of your life.

Dee Anne Merriman is a freelance writer who often covers relationship issues.

Well this is very good article for when u r considering to marry someone bahz~ Cuz all these factors esp the finances are quite important when u want to marry. Like the story, many married couples quarrel over money issues, parenting issues and others.

When u juz dating ur bf/gf (unless u cohabit with him/her), its not the same when u have to live with him/her everyday under same roof.

If u still are looking for a match or potential bf/gf, u may not be thinking so far as to his/her value structure or finance style...but when u guys r in a relationship, its healthy to consider all these and not always looking at your partner through rosy-coloured lens. =)

However all these are not all there is to consider lor. Different people may place emphasis on different factors. SOme couples are very opposite from each other but still manage to stay together through years.

[inle]

Originally Posted by Artemis86

Well this is very good article for when u r considering to marry someone bahz~ Cuz all these factors esp the finances are quite important when u want to marry. Like the story, many married couples quarrel over money issues, parenting issues and others.

When u juz dating ur bf/gf (unless u cohabit with him/her), its not the same when u have to live with him/her everyday under same roof.

If u still are looking for a match or potential bf/gf, u may not be thinking so far as to his/her value structure or finance style...but when u guys r in a relationship, its healthy to consider all these and not always looking at your partner through rosy-coloured lens. =)

However all these are not all there is to consider lor. Different people may place emphasis on different factors. SOme couples are very opposite from each other but still manage to stay together through years.

i dun noe y but i always like the way u comment on things....

[inle]

enjoy...

tis s for pple who s serious in luv n makin it last forever...

[inle]

sharin tis again....

applicable n for those who r seriously in love only....

[dolp]

Use your heart to LISTEN.

Often, we set criterias for the 'perfect' boyfriend we would like to have, only to meet THE ONE, who's very much THE exception. Sounds sweet at this point? However, the relationship may just take a nosedive if both do not work together to make things work, since it doesn't even befit the set of criteria set up from the beginning.

There are 2 schools of thoughts. Either you choose never to be blinded by love, know what you want, and go for it, settling for nothing but the best (and run the risk of staying single all your life)... OR you choose to be blinded by love, settling for someone whom your heart beats for, and put in effort to make things better.

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, 'Public Utilities Board.' There was silence. She repeated, 'PUB.' There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, 'Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is.'

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just 'hello' instead of 'PUB'.


NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, 'Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?'

The father-in-law answered in a smile, 'Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you.'

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at.. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.


CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested 'I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.' The SDU officer said, 'Your requirements, please.' 'Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.' The officer listened carefully and replied, 'I understand you need television.'

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.


NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that 'It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character.'

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..


RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that 'A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation.' Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, 'Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school.' On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, 'Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker.' She answered,'You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you..'

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.


PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, 'Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey? 'Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, 'The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?' Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, 'How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman.' The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, 'Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you.' Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..


BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, 'Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck.' Then he asked, 'but when are my fingers going to grow back?' The father went home and committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones and hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

*****

Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

[komirad]

Who would like to ponder philosophy and bluster about business with me?

[water-sprite]

Haha you know in life.. you often don't get what you wish for...
instead the never say never rules applies i feel.

people often go 'i'll never date a blahblahblah" or what and *BAM*
love hits you at the most unexpected place and moment...
N u're dating someone u least expect u would...

ironies of life haha...

[komirad]

Originally Posted by water-sprite

Haha you know in life.. you often don't get what you wish for...
instead the never say never rules applies i feel.

people often go 'i'll never date a blahblahblah" or what and *BAM*
love hits you at the most unexpected place and moment...
N u're dating someone u least expect u would...

ironies of life haha...

Yep, I was in a taxi then BAM!
Most unexpected place and moment.
Blood all over. Yes.

[dolp]

Originally Posted by komirad

Yep, I was in a taxi then BAM!
Most unexpected place and moment.
Blood all over. Yes.

-_____________- u and ur funny comments.

[komirad]

Originally Posted by dolp

-_____________- u and ur funny comments.

You and your evil 666 post count.
I fear, I lost the ability to feel fear.