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Old 11th March 2014, 08:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Anyone you no longer associate with?

How do you explain to a child that there is a family member you no longer associate with? We had to cut ties with someone because the things they were doing in their life were very negative. Keep it simple right? But what happens if they keep asking why?

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Old 11th March 2014, 08:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Anyone you no longer associate with?

I've never been in that situation before. However, if I were to have a relative, perhaps an uncle who gambles and drinks ridiculously like it happens in TV shows, I'd like it better if my parents (or even grandparents, if it's that serious) to tell me the reasons as to why we are staying away from him.

It's better for the child to know it better than for them to be kept in the dark. Every family has their problems. Be honest with the kid. Tell the kid what the relative did wrong. Tell the kid why its wrong. Explain to the kid why it is so serious that it cannot be forgiven anymore. If they keep asking, like for example "Why is him borrowing money from us to gamble bad?" You may have to go with the "You'll understand when you grow up. I'll explain it to you again next time." AND do remember to explain it to them again next time.

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Old 11th March 2014, 08:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Anyone you no longer associate with?

I once heard that in Singapore there is no law that states that kinship can be cut off. You may not recognised that guy to be a family member but in the eyes of Singapore law you are still who you are in the relationship (family), in terms of blood ties.


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Old 11th March 2014, 09:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Anyone you no longer associate with?

I hope I could help

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Old 11th March 2014, 11:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Anyone you no longer associate with?

Originally Posted by Eugene Thong View Post
I've never been in that situation before. However, if I were to have a relative, perhaps an uncle who gambles and drinks ridiculously like it happens in TV shows, I'd like it better if my parents (or even grandparents, if it's that serious) to tell me the reasons as to why we are staying away from him.

It's better for the child to know it better than for them to be kept in the dark. Every family has their problems. Be honest with the kid. Tell the kid what the relative did wrong. Tell the kid why its wrong. Explain to the kid why it is so serious that it cannot be forgiven anymore. If they keep asking, like for example "Why is him borrowing money from us to gamble bad?" You may have to go with the "You'll understand when you grow up. I'll explain it to you again next time." AND do remember to explain it to them again next time.
I agree with him.

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Old 20th March 2014, 02:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Anyone you no longer associate with?

It really depends on the age of the child, because there are some things that are really hard to explain to really young children. In those cases I think you have to keep it simple and be honest, unless we are discussing a really serious issue! If the reason you are no longer associating with a relative is of a mature nature, then being honest with the child isn't the best idea.

If the reason is more simple, yes, you can be entirely honest, but keep it simple! I believe there is a time and moment for everything. If the child keeps asking is because he didn't get it the first time, so you have to repeat it as many times as is necessary.

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Old 23rd March 2014, 04:43 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Anyone you no longer associate with?

For the past four months I haven't talked to my paternal grandmother or Aunt as they've bullied me since I was a child, when my dad wasn't around (as they loathe my mother and wanted to hurt her through me). It's only now in my early twenties that I've found the courage to disassociate myself with them. They are horrible, manipulative women who tried to tell my that my mother and grandfather don't love me ect..

No one (family friends) are surprised as they know what they are like. However, if someone was to ask, I'd just be upfront and honest about the situation.

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