Comment on my English compo - Singapore Forums by SGClub.com
Singapore Forums by SGClub.com
Sitemap Contact Us FAQ Singapore Forums by SGClub.com
Home Photos Member List Register Mark Forums Read  
Go Back Home > Lifestyle > School Life > Language Help » Comment on my English compo

Why aren't you a member of SGClub.com yet??

» Join 130,000+ other members in chatting.
» Make lots of new friends here.
» Keep up-to-date with current events.
» Participate in Club outings.
» Download lots of Free Stuff!

Registration just takes 2mins and is absolutely free so join our community today!

I Want to Choose my Own Personal Nickname Now!


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 22nd September 2011, 05:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
New SGClubber
wraithseeker is on a distinguished road

 
Posts: 13
Join Date: Sep 2011
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Gender:

Comment on my English compo

Topic is O level (Some people say that the Internet does more harm then good. What is your view? )

The Internet has been around us ever since the 20th century and it has grown to a huge network with a wide array of information available to us any time we log on to the Internet. Statistics and studies have shown that more and more people are using the Internet each year and the amount of information being shared around is increasing. It has also provided an outlet for people to voice out their opinions and the Internet has also greatly improved trade and communication around the world.

The Internet has a vast amount of information available readily distributed by many people around the world providing different opinions on many matters. This information allows us to know more about current affairs in the world and not be limited to only news broadcast by companies. People can also read books on-line, watch videos or go on a forum to discuss topics. This allows us to learn more about the world we live in and promote discussion among people with many different opinions as the Internet is available globally. It also enables us to entertain ourselves by logging on to the Internet to watch videos that can help us to reduce our stress level.

Many schools have started using the Internet to teach students by using educational games and teachers are also using the Internet as a e-learning discussion platform for students to pose a question to one another or to ask the teacher some questions. Moreover, students can engage themselves in meaningful discussions. Students will be more knowledgeable and bring learning beyond the classroom. Educational games will also help to capture a student's interest in the subject and they will then ask more questions about the topic and this will increase their knowledge bank.

Many people often log on to the Internet every day and this has encouraged entrepreneurs to set up their businesses online. Companies will also benefit by posting advertisements on the Internet which is cheap and this will get them a wider audience globally. Small businesses will be set up that will have a low capital which means that there will be a low risk. People can work from home and become their own boss which promotes entrepreneurship. This has caused trade in the world to grow significantly.

However, the Internet is also a platform for people to play online games together. Many of these people often log on to the Internet to play games and lock themselves in the room. This causes them to become addicted to games and withdraw themselves from their social life. If they are a student, this will cause their academic grades to drop and can pose a risk to the student's future. In addition, some games require us to pay every month in order to play the game. This poses a significant threat to their lifestyle.

As more information is distributed around the world by the Internet, pornography is more readily available to people and minors are able to view pornography which will distort their thinking and stimulate their sexual fantasy. Moreover, they might even view the opposite gender as nothing more but tools. This will also affect their marriage as their view of sex is different from what they experience and this can cause a rocky relationship to occur

All in all, the Internet has changed the way people live their life as information is easily distributed around the world. News of people setting up their business online are occuring more often. School projects have also encouraged the use of the Internet to search for information. This suggests that the Internet is beneficial. However, addicted gamers should be counselled to stop them from sinking deeper into depression

Sponsors:
wraithseeker is offline  
Add to wraithseeker's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 25th September 2011, 12:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
Addicted SGClubber
mrgeek is on a distinguished road

 
Posts: 599
Join Date: Jun 2008
Likes: 0
Liked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Gender:

Re: Comment on my English compo

lack of content i guess, contradictions.
maybe i would write internet may causes terrorism threat. such as recruiting member to become terrorist

mrgeek is offline   Add to mrgeek's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 25th September 2011, 03:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
la_nausee is just really nicela_nausee is just really nicela_nausee is just really nice

 
Posts: 1,295
Join Date: Mar 2010
Likes: 10
Liked 24 Times in 19 Posts
Gender:

Re: Comment on my English compo

As others have advised, you shouldn't attempt expository or argumentative essays unless you have sufficient content, rather than a string of generalizations.

There are no specific examples in your essay: Youtube, deaths in Japan / Korea due to cyber-addiction, online retailers vs. brick-and-mortar stores (compare the fates of Amazon.com and Borders), etc.

Some of the statements you make are also sweeping, preachy and shallow: "In addition, some games require us to pay every month in order to play the game. This poses a significant threat to their lifestyle." Is the main concern with online games the fact that they are expensive? If so, then free online games wouldn't be a problem?

Again, my advice is to steer clear of expository or argumentative essays -- most 16-year-olds aren't ready to make arguments which are sophisticated enough to make their essays sound credible. Your English proficiency appears to be worthy of an A / B grade; don't sabotage yourself by taking on a challenge you're not ready for. The 'O' levels are not an occasion to take unnecessary risks.

__________________
"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." -- Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.
la_nausee is offline   Add to la_nausee's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 26th September 2011, 08:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
New SGClubber
wraithseeker is on a distinguished road

 
Posts: 13
Join Date: Sep 2011
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Gender:

Re: Comment on my English compo

The reason why I attempted expository / argumentative essay is because my narrative often doesn't score above 20 at all so I figured that I would give this a go.

How much do you think I can get from this essay?

wraithseeker is offline   Add to wraithseeker's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 26th September 2011, 10:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
la_nausee is just really nicela_nausee is just really nicela_nausee is just really nice

 
Posts: 1,295
Join Date: Mar 2010
Likes: 10
Liked 24 Times in 19 Posts
Gender:

Re: Comment on my English compo

Originally Posted by wraithseeker View Post
The reason why I attempted expository / argumentative essay is because my narrative often doesn't score above 20 at all so I figured that I would give this a go.

How much do you think I can get from this essay?
Depending on how much emphasis the marker places on content, I think you can score 21/30, give or take a mark. But if the marker happens to be a wizened, cynical Englishman, you could be looking at only 18 or 19 marks, because of the too-obvious nature of your arguments.

The problem is that with expository / argumentative essays, it's hard to predict the marker's reaction -- whether he or she will be generous, or harsh. By comparison, there's much less unpredictability when it comes to narrative and descriptive essays.

__________________
"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." -- Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.
la_nausee is offline   Add to la_nausee's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 26th September 2011, 11:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
dzpliu is on a distinguished road

 
dzpliu's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,375
Join Date: Feb 2008
Likes: 6
Liked 4 Times in 4 Posts
Gender:

Re: Comment on my English compo

you didnt make your stand clearly in the first paragraph.

__________________
Start Anew.
dzpliu is offline   Add to dzpliu's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 26th September 2011, 11:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
New SGClubber
wraithseeker is on a distinguished road

 
Posts: 13
Join Date: Sep 2011
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Gender:

Re: Comment on my English compo

So I should add in a sentence that says therefore the Internet does more harm then good in order to answer the question properly?

wraithseeker is offline   Add to wraithseeker's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 1st October 2011, 08:42 PM   #8 (permalink)
Cool SGClubber
luckykid is on a distinguished road

 
Posts: 52
Join Date: Dec 2009
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Gender:

Re: Comment on my English compo

You need to vary your sentence structure. Don't always begin the sentence with the subject. There is also a lack of connectors, and there are too many paragraphs. 6 paragraphs is enough for argumentative or discursive essays.

You should add a sentence which states your stand explicitly. Whether you agree or disagree, or you're holding a neutral stand.

luckykid is offline   Add to luckykid's Reputation Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My english compo, please comment! RainbowTang Language Help 19 26th September 2011 10:46 PM
Do you guys leave line in your English 'O' level compo? Sir Simon School Life 14 13th March 2011 02:26 PM
anyone know the format for O level english compo?? hakunamatata Language Help 3 20th October 2009 12:22 PM

» Sponsors
Watch Free Movies Online
Celebrity Gossip
Food Delivery

» Facebook Fans
» What's Going On?
Title, Username, & Date
Repost comment.
Stupid court of appeal gives red light running driver who hit pedestrian 15% discount
Mum's Kitchen Catering and Cherish Delights get licences suspended after nearly 40 people...
[PMD-pedestrian rules] Singapore Court judges are high handed and biased or court rep
Post anything random on this thread.
Ritter Sport chocolate recalled due to undeclared allergen
Aoki Hagane no Arpeggio: Ars Nova
I really hate my mother!!!
Transcend RDF9K2 All-in-One Card Reader
Transcend ESD250C, a portable SSD that’s super classy
How PAP exploited racial differences to impose FASCIST rule over Singapore.
Up to S$7250 of government $ misused for buying each vote in Singapore?
Funky Fields organic vegan spreadable recalled due to 'undisclosed allergen'
100 hawksbill turtles released into the sea after rare hatching on Sentosa
Inspirational Songs
MOH, SFA investigating after 18 typhoid fever cases in 3 weeks
By militarily invading Hong Kong, Xi Jingping is setting in motion, the wheels of nuc
Deng XiaoPing original vision for HKG- China reunification was for the two to unite a
HSA warns against three products
Warning : Blacklist buyer/adopter Alert
Featured Photos
by marisoljames322
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
13619 comments
by marisoljames322
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
13619 comments
by pdsubbu
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
13619 comments
by Vikas Dhar
· · ·
Photography
35 photos
36 comments
by aaudreygan
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
946 comments
by aaudreygan
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos
28607 comments
by a8paris
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
946 comments
by a8paris
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
946 comments
by aaricia
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos
28607 comments
by aaricia
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos
28607 comments

 

All times are GMT +8. The time now is 12:39 AM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright© 2004-2013 SGClub.com. All rights reserved.