This couple spent £60k on IVF to have a family.Devotion? Or an unhealthy obsession? - Singapore Forums by
Singapore Forums by
Sitemap Contact Us FAQ Singapore Forums by
Home Photos Member List Register Mark Forums Read  
Go Back Home > Lifestyle > Love & Relationships > Family Matters » This couple spent £60k on IVF to have a family.Devotion? Or an unhealthy obsession?

Why aren't you a member of yet??

» Join 130,000+ other members in chatting.
» Make lots of new friends here.
» Keep up-to-date with current events.
» Participate in Club outings.
» Download lots of Free Stuff!

Registration just takes 2mins and is absolutely free so join our community today!

I Want to Choose my Own Personal Nickname Now!

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th September 2010, 04:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
fgfmse is on a distinguished road

fgfmse's Avatar
Posts: 5,946
Join Date: Jul 2009
Likes: 0
Liked 4 Times in 3 Posts

This couple spent £60k on IVF to have a family.Devotion? Or an unhealthy obsession?

As she took her newborn daughter, Hope, in her arms for the first time, Anya Sizer wept with joy and relief. This was the baby who shouldn't have been - the child even her doctors had insisted was never going to happen.

Two years earlier, Anya's husband, Damion, had been told he was infertile. Even with complicated surgery and IVF, the couple were given odds of 125,000 to one of ever conceiving.

But the Sizers - urged on by a wide network of family and friends - decided to try anyway. The treatment cost them £10,000 and was a physical and emotional ordeal. Yet the baby in Anya's arms proved they were right to go ahead.

At this point, it would seem safe to presume that this couple would breathe an almighty sigh of relief, count their blessings and get on with enjoying life with their most precious little girl.

Yet they had barely put away the small mountain of congratulatory cards they received after Hope was born, when they started talking excitedly about trying for baby number two.

During the next four years, Anya and Damion endured the misery of four failed IVF cycles and two miscarriages and spent £50,000.

By anyone's standards, it's a staggering amount of money but, according to a recent study, the couple are not alone in doing so.

One in ten women are prepared to pay as much as £50,000 to fulfil their dreams of motherhood - even if that means taking on extra work, selling possessions and sacrificing their pensions.

But what of the reality of such a process?

The Sizers openly admit it left them emotionally drained and physically exhausted - they even lost friends along the way. Yet at no point did either turn to the other and say: 'Enough is enough.'

Brave? Determined? Or - dare one say it - just foolish?

For that is the reaction that Anya and Damion have often encountered from those who simply cannot comprehend their obsessive mission to have a second child, by whatever means it took.

'It was madness. 'We were like a pair of gamblers who had thrown a six first time around and now were certain we would fall lucky again.'

So, what is it that drove them on? And what lessons can other families struggling to conceive a second or third child through IVF learn from their experience?

Anya, 36, always knew she wanted more than one child. 'From the moment Damion and I got together at university, in 1996, we said we wanted a large family - three children was what we both had in mind.

'We were married within the year and started trying for a baby 18 months later. This was something we both felt we had been building up to all our lives. I come from a broken home - my parents went through a very acrimonious divorce when I was 12, which devastated me.

'My two brothers were much older, so I didn't have any siblings at home to share my grief at losing my family. I used to comfort myself with the idea that one day I would have a large family of my own - and that nothing and no one would take that from me.

'Meanwhile, Damion was the product of a very stable and loving family, growing up alongside a brother and sister to whom he was extremely close.

'He had always imagined that he would go on to reproduce what his parents had created.'

A year later, when nothing had happened, Anya and Damion, a 37-year-old art teacher, went to their GP for fertility tests. They were told that Damion would never father a child.

'Damion went straight to bed, where he stayed, crying, for the next two days. He wouldn't talk about it - he didn't eat or sleep. The only thing he said to me was that I should leave him and find someone who could give me the baby I'd always wanted. This had shattered Damion's idea of who he was, as a husband and as a man. I told him that leaving him wasn't an option and that we weren't going to give up so easily. This was a joint problem and we were going to find a solution together.'

A week later, they met a private consultant at London's Portland Hospital, who did more tests. Unfortunately, these only confirmed their family doctor's prognosis.

'He emptied a box of matches on the table in front of us and told us to look at them before explaining that was what Damion's sperm sample looked like - nothing was moving, they were all dead.

'He said that this was the end of the road; that he wouldn't touch IVF with a bargepole if he were us, and that our only way of becoming parents was to use donor sperm or adopt.'

Happy families: Anya and her husband Damion spent £50,000 to bring Hope, 7, and Barney, 4, into the world. They had unsuccesful attempts at IVF and lost friends, but at no stage did they ever say 'enough is enough'

Anya says that Damion was so crushed by this news that he almost collapsed on the stairs leading down from the consultant's office as his legs buckled beneath him.

'The next day, I emailed all our family and friends, telling them what had happened,' says Anya.

'It was a way of reaching out to people who weren't looking at this from a medical perspective, but who knew Damion and I well enough to understand just how much we wanted to create our own baby, rather than adopt.

'One after another came back suggesting that we shouldn't rule IVF out. Once we'd got over the initial shock, Damion and I talked about how we'd been given odds of one in 125,000 of it working - surely, while there was even a slim chance, we should give it a go.'

Luckily for the Sizers, money - IVF is often financially ruinous at between £5,000 and £10,000 a go - wasn't an issue. Anya had been left a sizeable legacy by her grandmother. It had been sitting in a bank account for years, earmarked by the couple to pay for the education of the children they'd always imagined they would have together.

We wanted family life others take for granted. We knew we were good parents and our marriage was strong - we felt we had a lot of love to share.'

But echoing the study by Red magazine, the couple admit they were so desperate to have another child they would have found the funds even if money had been tight.

Anya, a counsellor who now specialises in fertility support at the London Women's Clinic, says: 'It was the most important thing in the world to us - we would've done anything we could to make sure we could try IVF.

'Throughout that first attempt, we got daily phone calls and emails asking how we were getting on and cards wishing us the best of luck. We felt very loved and supported during what was a difficult time.

'Nobody questioned what we were doing and we were constantly being told to focus on the fact that miracles do happen.'

And, of course, that miracle did happen when Anya gave birth to baby Hope, now seven. But despite everything they had gone through to get her, soon after, Anya and Damion agreed that one child, for them anyway, just wasn't enough.

'We never stopped feeling grateful for Hope and our drive to have another baby didn't take away any of the immense love we felt for her.

'But even with her in our lives we didn't feel that our family was complete - there was this sense that something very important was still missing.'

The couple returned to the Portland when Hope was 18 months old, and more tests revealed that Anya was now as infertile as her husband. Since having Hope, she had gone through a premature menopause.

To continue with their quest for more children at this point surely defies all good sense and rationality, but against all logic they ploughed on.

'It was madness, I can see that now,' says Anya. 'We were like a pair of gamblers who had thrown a six first time around and now were certain we would fall lucky again. If anything, we felt even more desperate now for another child because we knew the joy that is creating a new life and holding a baby of your own in your arms.

'As long as the clinic was prepared to treat us, we weren't about to give up.' But it was as they started on their next round of treatment that they began to sense a change in attitude among their friends.

'It was only when that attempt failed, as did a second, and I began to draw on the same circle of friends who had been there for us first time around, that I began to realise they just didn't get why we were doing this.' recalls Anna.

'Now, they either had nothing to say or didn't call back when I left a message telling them what had happened and how upset we were.

'When we then announced we were going to go for a third attempt at IVF a few months later, and nobody seemed to want to talk about it, we persuaded ourselves that we were imagining what felt at the time very much like mild hostility.'

Some may well see their friends' point of view, but Anya counters: 'Like so many parents of one child, we just wanted Hope to grow up with siblings.

'We wanted the hustle and bustle of a busy family life that so many people take for granted. We knew we were good parents and our marriage was strong - we felt we had a lot of love to share.'

But, by now, every time the couple arrived back at the fertility clinic for more treatment, even their doctors would urge them to quit.

'By the time we were contemplating attempt number four, even my own father was concerned,' says Anya. 'He said he didn't like to see me getting hurt.'

Things came to a head when, distraught having just learned that the one embryo her doctor had managed to create was dying before it had even been implanted, Anya called upon one of her oldest friends for comfort.

'What I got was a barrage of harsh words and uncomfortable home truths that left me reeling.

'Why are you still doing this?' Anya's friend had berated. ' Everyone is looking at you and wondering when you're going to stop - why can't you just be grateful that you're a mother at all?'

Harsh words, but ones many may well have echoed. Needless to say, Anya hasn't seen or spoken to her since.

'As the call ended with me sobbing uncontrollably and her still insisting I needed to see sense, we both knew there was no way back.'

And so Anya embarked on IVF cycle number five. Remarkably, this time, the treatment worked.

In August 2006, Anya gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Barney, who is four this week. Anya now has her two children and, of course, no one would ever question whether her son really was worth every penny of the £50,000 she eventually spent on getting him.

'If someone had told me I had to cut off my own arm to guarantee getting my son, I would have done it in a heartbeat,' she says.

'What I hadn't expected was that my determination to carry on with fertility treatment would have cost me one of my oldest friendships and put a strain on relationships with almost everyone I knew.'

But more children? You would think not. And yet Anya admits, if a little uncomfortably, that she and her husband are seriously thinking about trying for baby number three.

'We can afford a couple more attempts,' she says, 'and we certainly haven't ruled it out. If that fails, then we may consider adoption.'

This time though, Anya says she wouldn't expect any support from the people around her - she presumes that she and Damion would be on their own, emotionally, and insists she could live with that.

'Why don't we have a right to want a family?' she says. 'This time, if we do try again, I know not to expect anything from anyone or to waste time worrying about what other people might think.'


Last edited by fgfmse; 9th September 2010 at 05:02 PM.
fgfmse is offline  
Add to fgfmse's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 9th September 2010, 05:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
Emolisher is a splendid one to beholdEmolisher is a splendid one to beholdEmolisher is a splendid one to beholdEmolisher is a splendid one to beholdEmolisher is a splendid one to beholdEmolisher is a splendid one to behold

Emolisher's Avatar
Posts: 22,529
Join Date: Sep 2008
Likes: 86
Liked 154 Times in 109 Posts

Re: This couple spent £60k on IVF to have a family.Devotion? Or an unhealthy obsession?

Its their money, who are we to judge?

My entire figurine sales thread : (Closed)
My 3 little piggies : (Deceased)
My 2 cute bunnies :
Emolisher is offline   Add to Emolisher's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 9th September 2010, 05:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
PureNoob21 has a spectacular aura about

PureNoob21's Avatar
Posts: 4,765
Join Date: Nov 2009
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts

Re: This couple spent £60k on IVF to have a family.Devotion? Or an unhealthy obsession?

What's wrong? If they really want the children and they can afford it, it's completely alright.


I <3 Java Chips
PureNoob21 is offline   Add to PureNoob21's Reputation Reply With Quote
Old 13th September 2010, 11:45 AM   #4 (permalink)
Experienced SGClubber
Amulet has a spectacular aura about

Amulet's Avatar
Posts: 1,041
Join Date: Oct 2008
Likes: 3
Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post

Re: This couple spent £60k on IVF to have a family.Devotion? Or an unhealthy obsession?

sometimes life's like this.. many couples out there are dying to have their own flesh and blood and are prepared to give up many(almost any) things to juz have their own children.. but there are tonnes of women out there going for abortions simply coz they don't wan to pick up the responsibilities..

Amulet's BB Blog
Amulet is offline   Add to Amulet's Reputation Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do you have friends or family members who... Tokomi Love & Relationships 18 24th June 2010 08:07 PM
when friends are more family then family death anqel Family Matters 20 11th August 2009 01:19 PM
Debate: Family/Friends vs Love Stanstan Love & Relationships 17 6th April 2009 07:40 PM
Time spent with family blackmoonie Love & Relationships 18 3rd February 2009 01:11 PM
Family or Friends / BF GF Comes First? muakz Love & Relationships 15 1st April 2007 10:43 AM

» Sponsors
Watch Free Movies Online
Celebrity Gossip
Food Delivery

» Facebook Fans
» What's Going On?
Title, Username, & Date
[Hard Truth] 69.9% of Singaporeans are more stupid than dogs and monkeys.
[Poor Health] Karma strikes ex-Health Minister Khaw Boon Wan hard.
Hepatitis E infections surge in Singapore, virus found in raw pork liver: SGH
Christianity and Buddhism have more in common than differences: (moderation and restr
[SG] Wants higher birth rate, but unwilling to fund treatment for childhood mental pr
E-scooter rider going at 28km/h at void deck injures man’s leg, gets 6 weeks’ jail
PMD users warned: Behave responsibly or face total ban
Supplier iPassion fined for putting SAFETY marks on unregistered PMD charging adaptors
SFA recalls US brand of flour over possible bacteria contamination
Female infant and male occupant sent to hospital after PMD-related fire in Bukit Batok...
Repost comment.
Top income brackets should be taxed at 99%.
Do you know?
480GB Transcend ESD350C Portable SSD Review
SFA suspends import of quail eggs from Malaysian farm due to drug residues
King Arthur Flour product recalled due to potential presence of E. coli
FS (10Pieces) Apple iPhone 11/11 Pro/11 Pro Max(Website$6...
Inspirational Songs
Instead of increase GST, what other more progressive wealth tax options (e.g. Replace
Elderly should be given free e-scooter try outs ASAP.
Featured Photos
by marisoljames322
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
by marisoljames322
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
by pdsubbu
· · ·
Member Galleries
20359 photos
by Vikas Dhar
· · ·
35 photos
by aaudreygan
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
by aaudreygan
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos
by a8paris
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
by a8paris
· · ·
Guy Photos
1581 photos
by aaricia
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos
by aaricia
· · ·
Girl Photos
4351 photos


All times are GMT +8. The time now is 12:36 AM.

Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright© 2004-2013 All rights reserved.