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Old 2nd August 2010, 10:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
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family matters

A friend of mine have this problem.. Same age with me so not very sure how to advise or help.. So just want to know you guys opinion.

She was married with her husband when she was only 17. Had their son and being a mother at 18. Since the son is born, things changed. As a housewife that need to take care of a newborn whole day without any help, doing confinement without help as she is still young and new in this but no one help as everyone is working. So left her helpless learning how to take care of a newborn. She got tired and eventually mood and temper will be bad. When the husband come back home, he get fed up as the wife didn't do her part as a housewife, and even throw temper to him. So eventually he start to have an affair. 2008 she found out the affair and everything is not the same after that. She cannot forgive him and very disappointed with this man. Why? Many reason why she feel very deeply hurt. Main reason will be she sacrifices her time and life to be with the man she loved the most and even go through a hard road for her to beg her parents to marry to this man.

The man is just a clerk in a bank when they are married. Eventually, the girl background is better than him. So, whenever the guy wants anything, the girl will ask from her parents and pleased the guy. The girl really loved him. I still remember, the girl told me he wanted a car. The girl beg the parents to give 30k to the guy to buy a car. The dad advised him to get a budget car until his financial is stable so he can upgrade his car. But the man just answered the girl's dad " I know what Im doing".

He got the car then. But things change. He start to keep his phone elsewhere where the girls can't find. He start to keep fit and less spending time with her and their son. The girl was so naive not to realized the sign. But one night, lightning strike her when she found out the wallet is not the one she gave to him, and inside, is the photo of the other woman and him. She felt that her world just crushed down. They argues at 4am and the girl try to cut her wrist. Since then, she can't trust his words. She start to found a job far away from home and left the son with the grandparents. I guess she is just trying to run away from the problem. Things get worst when she left, the guy is more free right?

The guy still care about her. Drive for 4 hours to her working place when she closed her phone one day but she refused to meet him. He went home sadly. He keep tell her he loved her and want her to come back home. But she refused to hear. Why? She created a account with a pretty lady picture in FB, added him and soon "they" talk in msn. The girl ask if the guy is attached. He told her he is divorced when they are not even divorced yet! He even told the "pretty lady" is the girl love change and don't want the family, and he is finding a new mother for their son. This hurt the girl so badly, she decide to move on without him.

She found someone that loved her more than she loved him. She don't trust guy anymore but this guy show her what real love is. The guy accept for who she is and promised not to hurt her. And the guy did. Their relation now is almost one year 3 months. But the girls still can't let go of the husband even they both are separated already. She keep ask this question to everyone "why everyone can love her but why not him". She often asked what she did wrong.

She still miss the old days and the happy time but she know its impossible as the guy never sms her anymore. So now, what you guys think? What should I tell her?

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Old 2nd August 2010, 11:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

she couldn't forgive him, then move on.. ask her to cherish what she have in her hands right now.. let go of what she have rejected..

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Old 2nd August 2010, 11:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

Originally Posted by Amulet View Post
she couldn't forgive him, then move on.. ask her to cherish what she have in her hands right now.. let go of what she have rejected..
she seems like not letting go of the past. she still cared about the guy thou

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Old 2nd August 2010, 11:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

From what I read I think this was part of the problem "She got tired and eventually mood and temper will be bad. When the husband come back home, he get fed up as the wife didn't do her part as a housewife, and even throw temper to him." and the fact the husband had an affair didnt help. I guess it was both their faults. Hope her luck and just move on with life.

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Old 2nd August 2010, 12:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

Originally Posted by x3Fantasy3x View Post
From what I read I think this was part of the problem "She got tired and eventually mood and temper will be bad. When the husband come back home, he get fed up as the wife didn't do her part as a housewife, and even throw temper to him." and the fact the husband had an affair didnt help. I guess it was both their faults. Hope her luck and just move on with life.
After she found out the affair, the guy ask his mom to talk to the girl telling her what's go wrong. Instead of him telling her himself. The mother insulted her. Since then, she changed and trust me, she is so much different from who I know since schoolmate. She changed a lot for this marriage. From a princess in a her family to a very good mother and a wife that keep her tears without anyone know she is crying.

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Old 11th August 2010, 02:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

what a jerk! seriously i cant trust man either now! seriously man are such a horrible creature!!!!

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Old 12th August 2010, 12:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

Yes we are horrible creatures, and gals are troublesome creatures.

We are horrible creatures because we like to look for troublesome creatures, and the troublesome creatures like to trouble the horrible creatures, because horrible creatures seek trouble.

This is what makes the world beautiful and interesting.

As for TS, tell your friend just go on with her life and forget about her ex husband.

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Old 12th August 2010, 01:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

She was married with her husband when she was only 17. Had their son and being a mother at 18
this is the problem
since theres no reset button to press
tell her to forget about that guy

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Old 22nd August 2010, 11:44 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

Originally Posted by BaByDoN View Post
A friend of mine have this problem.. Same age with me so not very sure how to advise or help.. So just want to know you guys opinion.

She was married with her husband when she was only 17. Had their son and being a mother at 18. Since the son is born, things changed. As a housewife that need to take care of a newborn whole day without any help, doing confinement without help as she is still young and new in this but no one help as everyone is working. So left her helpless learning how to take care of a newborn. She got tired and eventually mood and temper will be bad. When the husband come back home, he get fed up as the wife didn't do her part as a housewife, and even throw temper to him. So eventually he start to have an affair. 2008 she found out the affair and everything is not the same after that. She cannot forgive him and very disappointed with this man. Why? Many reason why she feel very deeply hurt. Main reason will be she sacrifices her time and life to be with the man she loved the most and even go through a hard road for her to beg her parents to marry to this man.

The man is just a clerk in a bank when they are married. Eventually, the girl background is better than him. So, whenever the guy wants anything, the girl will ask from her parents and pleased the guy. The girl really loved him. I still remember, the girl told me he wanted a car. The girl beg the parents to give 30k to the guy to buy a car. The dad advised him to get a budget car until his financial is stable so he can upgrade his car. But the man just answered the girl's dad " I know what Im doing".

He got the car then. But things change. He start to keep his phone elsewhere where the girls can't find. He start to keep fit and less spending time with her and their son. The girl was so naive not to realized the sign. But one night, lightning strike her when she found out the wallet is not the one she gave to him, and inside, is the photo of the other woman and him. She felt that her world just crushed down. They argues at 4am and the girl try to cut her wrist. Since then, she can't trust his words. She start to found a job far away from home and left the son with the grandparents. I guess she is just trying to run away from the problem. Things get worst when she left, the guy is more free right?

The guy still care about her. Drive for 4 hours to her working place when she closed her phone one day but she refused to meet him. He went home sadly. He keep tell her he loved her and want her to come back home. But she refused to hear. Why? She created a account with a pretty lady picture in FB, added him and soon "they" talk in msn. The girl ask if the guy is attached. He told her he is divorced when they are not even divorced yet! He even told the "pretty lady" is the girl love change and don't want the family, and he is finding a new mother for their son. This hurt the girl so badly, she decide to move on without him.

She found someone that loved her more than she loved him. She don't trust guy anymore but this guy show her what real love is. The guy accept for who she is and promised not to hurt her. And the guy did. Their relation now is almost one year 3 months. But the girls still can't let go of the husband even they both are separated already. She keep ask this question to everyone "why everyone can love her but why not him". She often asked what she did wrong.

She still miss the old days and the happy time but she know its impossible as the guy never sms her anymore. So now, what you guys think? What should I tell her?
God/ Allah/ Almighty has eyes, one eventually gets what one deserves- in the long run that is ...
If indeed she "She still miss the old days and the happy time "- tell her to pls choose her 'battles' wisely, like your sig. says
I ain't perfect, But you ain't either! [link]
How she wants 'Husband' to look, good, 'better' or 'betterest'; bad/ 'badder'/ 'baddest' (paraphrase LSS) is partly her doing- internet FB "pretty lady" adventures et al. - pls make sure she's doing this not out of scorn but with good intent.

(see 1st line)
So its all up to her/ him/ whatever, U get the drift ...
Perhaps taking a break from dis husband frenzy and return to the 'safety' of her parents home "the girl background is better than him" might be a good idea for the time being- den sort out the situation from there.
Hope the situation turns out just fine, there are enough juvenile delinquents on the streets of today. Pls dun let her young son turn into just another statistic.
Rgds
B.C.
Ref:
LSS: [YouTube]


Last edited by BicCherry; 22nd August 2010 at 12:10 PM.
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Old 22nd August 2010, 11:52 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

Originally Posted by Amulet View Post
she couldn't forgive him, then move on.. ask her to cherish what she have in her hands right now.. let go of what she have rejected..
if u choose to move on, make sure things are settle nicely before move on.

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Old 24th August 2010, 12:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

Originally Posted by BicCherry View Post
God/ Allah/ Almighty has eyes, one eventually gets what one deserves- in the long run that is ...
If indeed she "She still miss the old days and the happy time "- tell her to pls choose her 'battles' wisely, like your sig. says

How she wants 'Husband' to look, good, 'better' or 'betterest'; bad/ 'badder'/ 'baddest' (paraphrase LSS) is partly her doing- internet FB "pretty lady" adventures et al. - pls make sure she's doing this not out of scorn but with good intent.

(see 1st line)
So its all up to her/ him/ whatever, U get the drift ...
Perhaps taking a break from dis husband frenzy and return to the 'safety' of her parents home "the girl background is better than him" might be a good idea for the time being- den sort out the situation from there.
Hope the situation turns out just fine, there are enough juvenile delinquents on the streets of today. Pls dun let her young son turn into just another statistic.
Rgds
B.C.
Ref:
LSS: [YouTube]
i catch no balls =.=""""
Originally Posted by eniledoj View Post
what a jerk! seriously i cant trust man either now! seriously man are such a horrible creature!!!!
not that serious ba. not all guys is horrible ler.
Originally Posted by Agedman View Post
Yes we are horrible creatures, and gals are troublesome creatures.

We are horrible creatures because we like to look for troublesome creatures, and the troublesome creatures like to trouble the horrible creatures, because horrible creatures seek trouble.

This is what makes the world beautiful and interesting.

As for TS, tell your friend just go on with her life and forget about her ex husband.
agree with you.
Originally Posted by PECTOPAH View Post
this is the problem
since theres no reset button to press
tell her to forget about that guy
Originally Posted by weightp View Post
if u choose to move on, make sure things are settle nicely before move on.
agree with this too. asked her already. finally now, her mind is open and try her best to settle things nicely for her and her son's future

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Old 24th September 2010, 07:46 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

Originally Posted by BaByDoN View Post
Originally Posted by BicCherry View Post
God/ Allah/ Almighty has eyes, one eventually gets what one deserves- in the long run that is ...
If indeed she "She still miss the old days and the happy time "- tell her to pls choose her 'battles' wisely, like your sig. says
How she wants 'Husband' to look, good, 'better' or 'betterest'; bad/ 'badder'/ 'baddest' (paraphrase LSS) is partly her doing- internet FB "pretty lady" adventures et al. - pls make sure she's doing this not out of scorn but with good intent.

(see 1st line)
So its all up to her/ him/ whatever, U get the drift ...
Perhaps taking a break from dis husband frenzy and return to the 'safety' of her parents home "the girl background is better than him" might be a good idea for the time being- den sort out the situation from there.
Hope the situation turns out just fine, there are enough juvenile delinquents on the streets of today. Pls dun let her young son turn into just another statistic.
Rgds
B.C.
Ref:
LSS: [YouTube]
i catch no balls =.=""""
... ...
agree with you.
Originally Posted by PECTOPAH View Post
this is the problem
since theres no reset button to press
tell her to forget about that guy
Originally Posted by weightp View Post
if u choose to move on, make sure things are settle nicely before move on.
agree with this too. asked her already. finally now, her mind is open and try her best to settle things nicely for her and her son's future
Originally Posted by Wolfyyy View Post
Even so if one is in Malaysia, they can take a weekend to travel over just to visit the other party.
It wouldn't harm, right?
Point is, if you wanna know where this relationship is heading to, you need to figure out whether or not this relationship is even still ongoing in the first place.
No effort from either party = the relationship will always be stagnant as it is.
Hi, sorry bout dis late response.
Have noted briefly your other thread n copied 'Wolfyyy's' post from there to here which I think is relevant.
In simple terms, your M'sian girl friend should be as sincere as she can to herself and her partner about her feelings and thoughts about the relationship- that's perhaps all that she can personally do for now- the effort would eventually show the results she hopes to see. And I believe that she'd won't regret her efforts later: especially so where the stakes involve her young son too.
If she wants so spy on Hb via facebook / MSN with the "pretty lady picture" then she should have good reasons- that she has well considered about, before 'testing' her Hb.

One can only expect the other party to be as sincere as one is.
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." ~ Mother Teresa [Brainy Quote]
Rgds
B.C.

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Last edited by BicCherry; 24th September 2010 at 07:47 PM.
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Old 6th October 2010, 09:22 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: family matters

Originally Posted by BicCherry View Post
Hi, sorry bout dis late response.
Have noted briefly your other thread n copied 'Wolfyyy's' post from there to here which I think is relevant.
In simple terms, your M'sian girl friend should be as sincere as she can to herself and her partner about her feelings and thoughts about the relationship- that's perhaps all that she can personally do for now- the effort would eventually show the results she hopes to see. And I believe that she'd won't regret her efforts later: especially so where the stakes involve her young son too.
If she wants so spy on Hb via facebook / MSN with the "pretty lady picture" then she should have good reasons- that she has well considered about, before 'testing' her Hb.

One can only expect the other party to be as sincere as one is.
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." ~ Mother Teresa [Brainy Quote]
Rgds
B.C.
ah i like the quote.. meaningful... hey but dont worry guys.. she have get over it already.. Last month happened many things to her, and she finally wake up already. Yippie! Truly happy for her as now, she have made her final decision and doing it. So, I wish her good luck...

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