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Old 2nd August 2009, 10:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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when friends are more family then family

Im posting quite seriously here, im getting so pissed with my family i really wanna move out. Im 15, is it possible? i dont mind stay with my grandparents or smth. ( my grandpeeps stay tamp my school in yishuN Oo)

anyways, im sure most of you peeps out there know what Gans are..
I have gan mummy, gan daddie, gan kor, gan jie, gan mei, gan di a whole full family. Some times no need to be gan, just friends, i bet they are more family then any family would be, at least it is for me.

i wake up in the morning dragging to another sick farked up day. im sure most of you wake up first thing "good morning mom, dad, blah blah " i dont. i just wake up. bath " school money" take den leave th hse. on a weekend IF im going out. and that if is really if. i just say " i going liao larh, i need money, i oso need topup ezlink, be back at ..pm , orh " den i leave without even saying bye.

in a family i bet there is hugs and kisses, i love yous and good nights. I bet when u are a kid your parents would bring u to the beach, bring u to the zoo, bring u to th wildlife park or to places like bukit timah hill nature reserve all.. well mine doesnt, they only pamper my 2 younger brother.
my youngest brother, primary 3 this year has an Iphone given to him afew weeks ago, has an NDS lost within its first week and a laptop. my 2nd brother has a handphone, laptop xbox 360 and all the toys any kid desire.

yes, my family is quite well to do. thought its ThEir money, and not mine. My psp was given to me this year april on my birthday by my Gan daddy.. my first handphone in mrimary 5 was a super old no colour phone. My 2nd phone a S.E fone was from a friend, though its 2nd hand cause i didnt have a phone. When it spoilt i didnt have a phone.. for more then 1and a half year im phoneless, can anyone even live without a phone? its sooo damn inconvinent. My laptop is a 3-4-5hand old laptop from my dads office since i needed on for project and stuff. and there my kid brother gets a brand new one

A family has trust, has love, mine doesnt. Theres no trust, i gotta lock my laptop to my window, my psp to my closet (when i had a phone i kept it in my piggy bank with a lock under my clothes) this is the trust in my house knowing that just leaving my psp on my own bed will be gone when i come back out frm my bath. not they wanna lend to play it disappears, my parents will go smuggle it some where and i spend the next 2 days ransacking the whole house. u ask where is the psp " how i know" or "dont keep properly lar!" ftw, its my own home and i have to "keep properly"

Theres no love, they treat me and i treat them just like a tenant at home. its just tht a tenant has way more freedom =.= and more privacy.


i have more to post but i will have to go ransack the house for myskate.. lame right.. SKATES oso wan take. i really hate my life

well, its just my rant and for those with the same experience just post also, no flaming okay, i knw its ridiculous seems made up but its just how my life is .. ciaos-

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Old 2nd August 2009, 11:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

No. Not true.
Not every family have hugs, kisses, i love yous.
Well, mine don't.
My verbal conversation with my dad isn't long too.
But i can sense their love for me because they work very hard everyday to provide for me and my brother's daily essential needs.
And for expensive gadgets or branded goods that i want, I don't ask money from them to buy it.
I save up my allowance to buy it.
At least u have a 3-4-5 hand laptop. The computer that I'm using now is pretty much 9 years old++ and the time when this desktop was bought, laptop didn't even exist yet.

Yes, practicing preferences towards your brothers may happen in your family, but be happy with what you have now.
Having a handphone when you're primary five beats having a handphone at the age of thirteen right?
I only got 1 when I'm in sec1 and I'm not even complaining.

And sorry to hear that your things keep disappearing but ain't it easier if your just lock your room door?

Just my 2 cents worth of comments after reading your post.

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Old 2nd August 2009, 11:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Why not take ur pocket money and save up for the things you wanna buy ?

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Old 2nd August 2009, 02:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

i had long past the stage of gan this gan that..

seriously, u might tink its easier and more fun to live with friends.. u can try.. but i can guarantee you that you will be moving back in with you family within a year..

not every family is the same.. some have kisses and hugs, some dont..


i wake up in the morning dragging to another sick farked up day. im sure most of you wake up first thing "good morning mom, dad, blah blah " i dont. i just wake up. bath " school money" take den leave th hse. on a weekend IF im going out. and that if is really if. i just say " i going liao larh, i need money, i oso need topup ezlink, be back at ..pm , orh " den i leave without even saying bye.
you mentioned that you don greet anyone.. but why dont you?

sometimes, the treatment we get frm someone reflects on the way we treat that person.. i always believe, if we take the initiative to pass on the good will, the good will would come back to us one way or another..

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Old 2nd August 2009, 04:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Hi people, it's nice to know that u guys are sharing ur stories here. At least u all might feel better having said them all out.

TS, i believe it's really difficult to live in such a family. But have u made efforts in trying to get closer to them? Like buying food to share or something? If that's not possible, then maybe u shld consider getting help. This might sound like 'dear kelly', but in this case i think tat's the best advice i can give.

Shifting in with ur grandparents sound good, but i suggest that if u really want to, at least let ur parents know where u will be first.

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Old 2nd August 2009, 04:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

If i were you i would have gotten used to it already... n i'll move out once i get my job n $ for myself.. Time is all u need Bear with it first kk? u are only 15 only.

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Old 2nd August 2009, 05:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

I used to think this way when I was around your age. .

My mom doesn't talk much to me, doesn't hold me, hug me, etc. So trust me, especially in the Chinese family, there aren't really a lot of hugs and kisses or love going around in the air. All you can do is communicate with them more, you seem like those kind who are most of the time not at home, maybe you can start from your side to get close to them.

At least, be glad they didn't restrict you from going out.

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Old 3rd August 2009, 03:04 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Originally Posted by jewlreya View Post
I used to think this way when I was around your age. .

My mom doesn't talk much to me, doesn't hold me, hug me, etc. So trust me, especially in the Chinese family, there aren't really a lot of hugs and kisses or love going around in the air. All you can do is communicate with them more, you seem like those kind who are most of the time not at home, maybe you can start from your side to get close to them.

At least, be glad they didn't restrict you from going out.
ooooohhhhhh, you don't know whats really going on, do you ....

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Old 3rd August 2009, 08:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Originally Posted by shdwalk3r View Post
ooooohhhhhh, you don't know whats really going on, do you ....
how would she know, when all of us never witness what has happened?
she's just trying to offer her own pov. (:

different family have different dynamics.
you cant expect a family to be perfect.
i dont greet my parents too. will just ask them for money when i need before gg out.
but now most of the time i try to pay for whatever i want/need. trying not to depend too much on them if not they will nag if i buy things.
used to say gdnite to them every night before i slp but now i dont anymore.

maybe its because you're older than your kid brother so he is more pampered?

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Old 3rd August 2009, 08:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Originally Posted by sky99 View Post
Why not take ur pocket money and save up for the things you wanna buy ?
Originally Posted by Apricot View Post
No. Not true.
Not every family have hugs, kisses, i love yous.
Well, mine don't.
My verbal conversation with my dad isn't long too.
But i can sense their love for me because they work very hard everyday to provide for me and my brother's daily essential needs.
And for expensive gadgets or branded goods that i want, I don't ask money from them to buy it.
I save up my allowance to buy it.
At least u have a 3-4-5 hand laptop. The computer that I'm using now is pretty much 9 years old++ and the time when this desktop was bought, laptop didn't even exist yet.

Yes, practicing preferences towards your brothers may happen in your family, but be happy with what you have now.
Having a handphone when you're primary five beats having a handphone at the age of thirteen right?
I only got 1 when I'm in sec1 and I'm not even complaining.

And sorry to hear that your things keep disappearing but ain't it easier if your just lock your room door?

Just my 2 cents worth of comments after reading your post.
Originally Posted by kokojun View Post
how would she know, when all of us never witness what has happened?
she's just trying to offer her own pov. (:

different family have different dynamics.
you cant expect a family to be perfect.
i dont greet my parents too. will just ask them for money when i need before gg out.
but now most of the time i try to pay for whatever i want/need. trying not to depend too much on them if not they will nag if i buy things.
used to say gdnite to them every night before i slp but now i dont anymore.

maybe its because you're older than your kid brother so he is more pampered?
save up.. well, i would save if i CAn save. I cant save! there nothing to save ! i get only $5 a day from school till lunch time which is totally not enough. for cca days and my once a week go out i only get 10. I knw tht to most ppl its quite alot to me, its peanut money. Compared to my brother(2nd) he gets about 4-500 a month of allowance.

alot of tings, yea, my life style is more "expensive" then most people, but its been like that since forever. and den suddenly it all disappears cause of i dont know either

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Old 3rd August 2009, 10:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

TS, 3 to 4 years later , pls look back on your thread ` you'll feel smth ` not smth` its alot of thing. trust me ` those who've been through and over this will know what i mean.

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Old 3rd August 2009, 10:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

perhaps your parents have a traditional mindset of "one day our daughter grow up get married so not as "important" as our son who has a big role to play in the family in future" ?

hey girl. you know what... you're only 15 and you get 5 bucks.
im 18 and i get 5.5 on wkdays and 5 on wkends.
if you're same age as me.. i guess you'll be getting even more than i am.
your sch canteen food shldnt be expensive right? i guess you can save up to 2 bucks a day if you control ur spending...

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Old 3rd August 2009, 10:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Originally Posted by death anqel View Post
save up.. well, i would save if i CAn save. I cant save! there nothing to save ! i get only $5 a day from school till lunch time which is totally not enough. for cca days and my once a week go out i only get 10. I knw tht to most ppl its quite alot to me, its peanut money. Compared to my brother(2nd) he gets about 4-500 a month of allowance.

alot of tings, yea, my life style is more "expensive" then most people, but its been like that since forever. and den suddenly it all disappears cause of i dont know either
$5... That's really a lot for 15 year old. Then don't make your lifestyle expensive luh.

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Old 3rd August 2009, 10:38 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Originally Posted by kokojun View Post
perhaps your parents have a traditional mindset of "one day our daughter grow up get married so not as "important" as our son who has a big role to play in the family in future" ?

hey girl. you know what... you're only 15 and you get 5 bucks.
im 18 and i get 5.5 on wkdays and 5 on wkends.
if you're same age as me.. i guess you'll be getting even more than i am.
your sch canteen food shldnt be expensive right? i guess you can save up to 2 bucks a day if you control ur spending...
erms ... i get 10 every weekday, without fail, and i can't even save $2 a day ... i guess, its cause i eat quite alot ... and yet i still have to save up for my own spending on weekends ...

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Old 3rd August 2009, 11:37 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

it puzzles me why ur bros get more than you. Maybe ur parents are trying to control you?

But to me, $5 was a lot back then.

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Old 4th August 2009, 10:32 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Count urself fortunate, there's ppl out there who dun even get tt kind of monie and technology even at the age of 18.

U feel that your famili dun love u dun dote on u and all. and ur gan(s) love u more and all. but when somthine happen (Choi) do u tin ur gan(s) will stand by u all the way?

for ppl who gone thru the age of 15, will hav ur that kind of mindset. but u will know whats "real" when u grow older.

Do cherish wad u hav. There's tons of ppl out there who are a lot less fortunate then u.

Cheers! =)

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Old 4th August 2009, 02:04 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

used to hav a mindset dat frenz r more family than my own family~

i got 5 bucks a day during my sch days, 10 when heading out~ my bro had more allowance than me --> mum put it as i m a spendthrift while bro spent wisely --> even when he lost her hard earned savings in stocks, she still told me he did spend it wisely~

i dun get hugs nor kisses either --> but it's all cos mine is a traditional chinese family, hugs n kisses dun 'exist'~

i paid for my own hp, my own bills, things i wan etc --> while my bro jus needed to open his mouth to ask & well, he got it~

even when dad was down with debts cos his co was in financial difficulties, mum expected me to work while studying to help with d debts while bro jus needed to happily hang out with frenz everyday~

any quarrel with bro, even if he was at fault, mum expects me to say sorry to him~

besides, he was older than me~

it came to d extent dat mum actually told me it was either her or me under d same roof~

since young, i hav never seen mum being nice to me, only to bro~

all in all, i jus hav one mindset --> mum loves bro more than me & i wanna move out when i m able to~

Now, things have changed, mum n i are like siblings, going shopping together every week, chats at home etc etc~ i dunno who ultimately changed, mayb it's me, mayb it's mum --> but i guess d situation now, is wat both of us r thankful for~

our lifestyle can be changed, our thinking can be changed, the things we want, we can opt not to have since it's a want, not a need --> but family ties will never change~ family will always b family~

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Old 4th August 2009, 02:18 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Actually, you should learn to appreciate what you have in your life. At least you have a family. Think of those orphans. No parents, no kins. No family love. They are way worse than you.

There's no need to envy your brothers for having such items. Those items are just luxury items. If humans has no feelings or emotions, what will this world become? A black and white TV screen without sound. Try to communicate to them. No matter how much you don't like about them, you all are still blood-related. A person without family is like a banana with only the skin.

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Old 4th August 2009, 02:21 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

hmm, i guess at the age of 15, we are still in the growing up period..
tat's why we think this way.
in the past, when i was ard your age,
i wasnt very close with my family as well.
i dont really talk to anyone of them except asking for money or something..
cause i dislike being restrict by my family..

but after tat when i was ard 18, something happen to my family to make me bond closer to them.
and tat when i realise, when something really drastic happen,
family members are the one that can really help.
friends are impt, but still family members are the one that you can really rely on when you need them.


maybe make an effort to try to talk to them,
instead of asking for money or whatever.


instead of waiting for them to take intitative,
why not taking the first step out to bond with them?


cheer up girl!

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Old 10th August 2009, 03:29 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: when friends are more family then family

Haha, you sound just like my sister back when she's being rebellious. Saying that her friends treat her better and that even her friends' sister treats her better than the way we're treating her. Still, all that's blown over now and we get along much better after time (always a great teacher) knocked some sense into her.

To paraphrase what some others have said, let's work out a few sums. Assuming a 4-week month with 30 days:
You get 4x5x$5 + 4x$10 = $240
Aim to save a dollar a day, you save 30x$1 = $30 = 12.5% of your allowance!
If you can do that, it'll set in place good money saving habits for the future. Ignore how much your brothers get for the moment, aim to save as a challenge to yourself. Since you don't have to pay for essentials like travel fare, hp bills, textbooks, uniforms etc., that should be manageable if you exercise some self-control.

Now for the issue of disappearing things - you said that your parents/siblings hide it away so that you have to search for it? Have you tried asking your maid? (I'm assuming you have one since your family sounds quite well-to-do.) Keeping things away properly is different from having things 'stolen' from you. Do things that you store away properly in drawers and stuff (without locking) disappear? If not, maybe just try keeping them out of sight so that your room looks 'neat'? Chances are it's your little brothers being mischievous and not your parents trying to be difficult. If you can catch them at it then bring it up with your parents.

Like someone else said (forgive me for being lazy to scroll up and down, it's kinda 'early' in the morning already), have you tried communicating with your family? Start with a simple 'good morning'; you don't have to go out of your way to greet them, just greet them normally like you do with friends. Next try to eliminate your resentment. This is hard to do at the moment, but if you're constantly feeling angry/resentful, it shows and does affect how others react towards you. You don't have to love them, just be neutral about it. And you'd also find it easier to talk to them (ask for money or whatever topic you talk about) without carrying all that anger baggage with you.

Other advice (if I can think of any) when my head clears up after some sleep. One last thing to add - no, it's not possible for you to move out, especially without informing your parents. 'Cause you're still a minor and if your parents get worried, they CAN call the cops and sue whoever's housing you for abduction (though whether they will win the case is another matter). So don't be rash, cool down and think your actions through.

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