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Old 8th October 2013, 08:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Does giving money = filial piety?

Does giving money = filial piety?



Tuesday, October 8, 2013 - 07:30
Maureen Koh
The New Paper


"Of course lah, this is what people mean by filial piety," declares Mr Chew Yew Huat as he sits waiting for his noodles at a Commonwealth Road kopitiam.

The 72-year-old retiree has three daughters - all married with kids - and two sons, one of whom is married.

He says: "Just knowing how many children my wife and I have tells you how hard it was to raise them.

"Now that they are all grown up, it's time for them to repay their parents."

He recounts how he had to work two jobs - as a delivery man for a supermarket chain by day and a cabby by night - just to make ends meet.

His wife used to work as a dishwasher for a Chinese restaurant. And they depended on his mother, a widow, to take care of his five children.

Mr Chew proudly says he has not had an issue about his children giving them an allowance.

"I have heard unpleasant stories about how some parents have to beg or fight with their kids before they get some money," he adds. "Luckily, it has been very auto(matic) with mine."

He gets between $150 and $600 from each child, and shares the money with his wife.

Mr Chew admits that he was initially miffed with the $150 contribution from his youngest daughter.

He relented after she sat down to show him the sums and how she could not afford more.

This begs the question: Is there really a price that we can put to filial piety?

Unlike giving hongbaos at wedding dinners where we can often provide a guideline based on the grandeur of the location, it is hard to decide on "the right sum" to give our parents.

Speak to the heartlanders and 53 out of 60 admit they expect their children to give them a monthly allowance.

In another poll of 50 people, 34 shared the same view.

As Mr Daniel Yeo, 44, argues: "It's totally not right to determine how filial a child is from the allowance he gives to his parents."

His parents nearly hauled him to the Family Tribunal Court to seek more maintenance but have since changed their mind.

Fewer elderly parents are resorting to legal action to obtain financial assistance from their children, the latest statistics available show.

While there were 303 cases handled by the Office of the Commissioner for the Maintenance of Parents (OCMP) last year, there were only 126 from January to June this year.

Of the 303 cases, only 31 were escalated to the Tribunal for the Maintenance of Parents.

This is because about 87 per cent of the cases were resolved through mediation, which became compulsory in March 2011, following an amendment to the Maintenance of Parents Act.

While most of the parents approached this week say that they are certain they don't have to resort to legal action, they feel it is right to expect their children to give them a monthly allowance.

Madam Yang Muihui, 60, a housewife, depends on the allowance she gets from both her married children to pay her medical bills.

She cannot work as she suffers from hypertension and diabetes and has a weak heart.

Her husband died in a traffic accident in 2002.

She knows her children can barely cope too, but there is no choice.

"Sometimes, they skip giving me the allowance for one or two months, and I don't say anything.

I just have to spend frugally," she says. Madam Susan Koh, 52, a housewife, has two children, 19 and 14. She says: "Parents should expect children to give them money, because it shows gratitude."

But she offers another dimension to the allowance- giving: "Parents should not spend this money, but save it for their children. The parents are more frugal and better at saving money. This way, when children need money, they can go to their parents for help."

She adds: "In any case, when the parents die, the money will go back to the children any way."

Chat with the younger adults and we realise that most of them have been brought up in the same mould that teaches them the value of giving money back to their parents.

Mr Yiling Cheong, 23, a public relations executive, says: "Since parents have supported their kids their whole lives, the least children can do is support their parents in turn. It's a way of honouring and showing them gratitude too."

Ms Sheryl Seng, 32, a teacher, adds: "They (the parents) spent so much on us so it's only right that they expect something in return.

"And it's something that society expects from us as children, so why shouldn't parents expect it too?" That society expects it is a line that we came across while talking to both the young and old.

I recall a scene when I first went out to work and my salary package was all of $850.

My mother returned home one day after a dim-sum outing with a group of friends. In a very serious - and I thought then, upset - tone, she said: "One of the aunties said her daughter gives her more than $1,000 a month."

It irked me then. What? $1,000? I was giving her only $50. And not on a regular basis.

Looking back now, I think it took tremendous effort for us to resist getting into a fight or an argument.

I cannot remember how the cold war ended but one day, she returned home again to say: "Remember that auntie? Turns out she was only boasting about what her daughter gave."

On the other side of the coin, Mr Joel Leong, 28, a business owner, feels that "parents should understand that their children may not be able to give as much as they would like to and shouldn't force the issue."

For those who say that parents should not expect their children to give them money, we note that their opinions often end with "but children should still give regardless or automatically".

Miss Cassandra Christopher, 23, a teacher, says: "Children should definitely automatically give their parents some money (but) parents shouldn't demand it as if it's their right."

Ms Farah Rahim, 30, a human resource executive, says: "Kids should give back (even though parents should not expect it).

"If the parents are retired or have a low income, we should give. But if they are still earning and have a high salary, they shouldn't expect it and should actually understand that we can't give them so much just yet."

It makes sense.

I don't think my parents or parents-in-law will be quite comfortable with me discussing how much my husband and I give them. But the thing is, they don't really expect it.

I remember though how long it took my father- in-law before he'd accept any money from us without any pushing to and back.

He was more concerned that our young family start up - and in later years when our children came along - that we had enough. It was the same with my parents.

As post-65 parents, my husband and I - along with our peers - sing the same tune: We don't expect our children to do anything like that.

If they don't give, we will not feel that they are being unfilial. We would much rather they can afford to raise their own family without us parents having to worry about them.

Source: http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapo...y-filial-piety

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Old 8th October 2013, 09:18 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Does giving money = filial piety?

At the end of the day, whatever situation it is, it's the thoughts put into it that counts. As simple as this.


I will not give allowance to my parents, just like how they have never given me.
Rather, I will give them what they need, which will go into my considerations, especially for my father. So if it's something like use for often drinking / gambling, I won't give him any for such thing.


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Old 8th October 2013, 09:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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What's the price on filial piety?

What's the price on filial piety?



Tuesday, October 8, 2013 - 07:30
The New Paper


Do you give your parents a monthly allowance?

Latest numbers from the Ministry of Social and Family Development show a dip in cases of parents suing their children for maintenance.

Yet there are still 300 requests for maintenance each year. Most do not reach the Tribunal for the Maintenance of Parents.

Instead most cases are resolved through mediation.

BENITA AW YEONG and MAUREEN KOH talk to people about what constitutes filial piety.

We collected 156 responses over 10 days on whether working children gave their parents a monthly allowance, and if so, how much?

Most of those who gave, gave their parents about 10 per cent of their salary. Some gave up to 25 per cent, and a handful gave more than 25 per cent.

Twenty-five respondents said they do not give their parents a monthly allowance.

Source: http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapo...filial-piety-0

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Old 9th October 2013, 02:42 PM   #4 (permalink)
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When parents and children fight over money

When parents and children fight over money

Tuesday, October 8, 2013 - 06:30
The New Paper


Dad keeps quiet to avoid shaming kids


An 82-year-old man went to the Singapore Buddhist Lodge for free meals, because he got a total of $200 a month from his four grown children.

Despite his plight, he declined to name his children or apply to the courts under the Maintenance of Parents Act in order to compel them to support him. His reason? He did not want to bring shame to his family.

The report was published in The New Paper in August 2009.

Tribunal rules for kid to give more cash

A 66-year-old mother approached the Tribunal for the Maintenance of Parents (TMP) for an increase in monthly allowance from her children.

She wanted her son, a 36-year-old financial advisor, to give her $650 a month, up from the $400 a month he had been giving her.

She also wanted her daughter, in her late 40s, to pay her $400 a month, up from $200. In the end, the tribunal allowed the financial adviser to continue paying his mother $400 a month, after he showed that he had been transferring that amount into her bank account every month.

His sister was ordered to increase the monthly allowance to $400 a month.

This report was published in The New Paper in August 2009.

Spendthrift son neglects mum

A lawyer rejected his mother's pleas to support her, but went on overseas holidays and ate at expensive restaurants.

The example was cited in Parliament in November 2010 by now Speaker of Parliament and MP for Jurong GRC Madam Halimah Yacob.

Madam Halimah said in Malay: "The son was earning thousands of dollars but was unwilling to take care of his family."

She added: "Should such a child be allowed to run away from his responsibilities?"

Mum needed rations, son not contactable A woman who was in the rag and bone (karang guni) trade sought food rations and financial support regularly from her grassroots leaders. Her son could not be contacted by phone, said Member of Parliament Ms Denise Phua, who took care of Jalan Besar GRC then.

The example was also cited in Parliament in November 2010.

Man approached TMP to get siblings to help support dad

A man who was earning $2,000 a month filed an application to the TMP in a bid to get his five siblings to contribute towards his father's medical bills.

His 87-year-old father, who was receiving a monthly pension of $700, had been hospitalised since December 2010.

He claimed that his salary, in addition to this father's pension, was not enough to foot his medical bills, which came up to thousands of dollars.

This report was published in The New Paper in February 2011.

Source: http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapo...ght-over-money

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Old 9th October 2013, 06:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Does giving money = filial piety?

I think it's terrible when parents and their children fight over money, that just shows how much they have drifted apart. I hope I never get apart from my kids...

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Old 9th October 2013, 08:46 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Does giving money = filial piety?

Children from the big western countries should read this article! I love the way children give there parents a allowance after everything that parent has done for there child. It should be this way when looking after our eldery parents.

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Old 9th October 2013, 09:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Does giving money = filial piety?

When they are young, the maid take care of them so when they grow up they let others (old folk home) take care of the parent. I don't believe in karma, but it seem like oftentimes it is.

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Old 10th October 2013, 07:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Chicken rice seller gives $2,500 a month to his parents

Chicken rice seller gives $2,500 a month to his parents



Tuesday, October 8, 2013 - 07:30
Benita Aw Yeong
The New Paper


More than half of what he earns through serving plates of chicken rice goes to his parents.

Mr Michael Poh, an only child, gives his 67-year-old mother about $1,000 a month in allowance. His 70-year-old father receives $1,500 a month because he goes out more.

"I give the money to them in $50 bills, twice a month," explains the owner of a chicken rice stall at a Tampines food court.

The 33-year-old does not ask his parents what they use the money for, but reckons the amount is justified, given Singapore's high standard of living.

"I think they use the money to go out to eat, or buy their own things," he says casually.

"I'm just doing my part as a son. After all, they did their best for me while I grew up," he states matter-of-factly.

Both Mr Poh's parents are too old to work, which makes the hawker the family's sole breadwinner.

Utility and telephone bills, along with groceries, come up to another $500 to $600, which he also pays for.

His mother, who has lung cancer, has chosen not to undergo painful chemotherapy. Instead, she is turning to traditional Chinese herbs to buy time. He also pays for those, although he says the amount does not come up to much. His father is in good health, which he is thankful for.

Mr Poh, who is single, isn't left with much for his personal expenses. But he maintains that what is left over is sufficient to pay for basic personal expenses, such as drinks and cigarettes.

"I manage to save a few hundred dollars a month. It's difficult if I want to think about saving for a family or a car.

"Not with the current COE prices anyway," he points out with a laugh.

He declined to reveal the exact amount his business rakes in. He would only say: "On a quiet month, I make a low four-figure sum, which can grow. It really depends on what business is like."

Making a living in his trade is far from easy. His scrawny frame is testament to the long hours he spends on his feet, deboning chicken drumsticks or making a fragrant chilli sauce to go with the dish.

"It's hard work," he admits. Asked if he has ever seen his parents as a burden, he answers firmly with a "no". But he admits that friends have jokingly chided him for giving his parents so much of his monthly earnings.

"They always ask me, 'Why give so much? Old people don't need that much money.'"

His response? It's the right thing to do.

"My father was a painter and my mother a seamstress. They were never well off but they gave me the best they had, be it assessment books or a bicycle. It's only right for me to give them an amount that is more than sufficient for their needs, now that they have grown old," says the bright and articulate man.

Aside from giving them monthly allowance, Mr Poh also pampers his parents with occasional gifts.

"Last month, my mum commented that she wanted a bag with a horse as its logo some time back, so I figured it had to be either Longchamp or Burberry. I bought the latter, as it was more atas (Malay for high-class).

"When she accidentally saw the price tag (it cost more than $900), she nearly went crazy. I found out she had her eye on a pirated Longchamp bag from Bugis Junction," he says with an amused chuckle.

So far, his parents have been appreciative of his generosity.

"They have never asked me for money, nor asked for more than what I give them. Instead, they always ask if I have enough for myself.

And when they see that I'm feeling quite stressed, they ask me to give them a lower amount and not to push myself so hard," he says.

His parents, who live with Mr Poh in a three-room flat in Toa Payoh, declined to be interviewed for this story.

Source: http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapo...th-his-parents

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Old 11th October 2013, 07:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Insurance agent gives $50 each a month to his parents

Insurance agent gives $50 each a month to his parents



Tuesday, October 8, 2013 - 07:30
Maureen Koh
The New Paper


Try telling Mr Daniel Neo that what he gives his parents as an allowance is far too meagre and he eyeballs you.

The insurance agent, 42, who also runs a tuition agency with his girlfriend, earns about $6,000 a month.

His parents, both 67, get $50 each a month from him.

Two months ago, a relative told the elderly couple that they could try to seek maintenance from the Family Tribunal Court.

But they have since decided to drop the case because they did not want to ruin their ties with their only son.The New Paper on Sunday approached the parents, who declined to be interviewed.

However, the senior Mr Neo did tell us in Mandarin: "This is just a small family misunderstanding.

The issue has been resolved, so there isn't a need to blow it up."

On the other hand, his son wants a chance to "clear the misunderstanding".

He does not blame his parents, he says, but the "trouble-making relative".

"I am glad everything got settled before we went to court. It'd have been a waste of time and money," he adds.

But they have since agreed that Mr Neo will give his parents an additional $100 each starting from end of this month.

He says: "Actually, my parents are old and they don't really need the money.

He is annoyed that "nosey parkers" think he is being unfilial.

"I pay for everything even though I don't live with my parents," he says.

His parents live in a three-room HDB flat in the east, while he lives with his girlfriend in their condo unit nearby.

"My parents don't have to pay anything - utilities, conservancy charges or even the groceries," says Mr Neo.

"Both don't cook and because they don't like eating out, I order a tingkat (food delivery) service for their lunch and dinner."

Mr Neo's parents confirmed that their son takes care of household expenses.

"They don't usually go out too, and prefer to spend their time in front of the TV. So, what's the point of giving them so much money?" says Mr Neo.

He adds that he also pays the medical bills and medication for his father, who is a diabetic.

"That is not really much but if you do the sums, it can still come up to several hundreds a year."

Mr Neo laments that as an only child, he has a slight disadvantage.

"It's not that I am complaining, but I don't have siblings who can share the financial load with me," he says.

He feels that parents in general should help to "consider their children's final situation before making unreasonable requests".

Take him as an example. Mr Neo shares that there are months when he earns only about $2,000-$3,000.

"I have my own expenses to take care of, and while $6,000 is what I usually make a month, sometimes there are low months when I barely make half of that," he says.

"I have other commitments - the apartment, the car, credit card bills - to pay for.

"All of that plus saving up for the wedding and the family - that includes a future grandchild that my parents want to see.

"How can I afford to give them more? Even the extra $200 now will mean I have to cut from somewhere."

He argues: "It's totally not right to determine how filial a child is from the allowance he gives to his parents.

"If you add everything together, I can say I spend easily about $1,500 on them. And you say that is not enough?"

Source: http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapo...th-his-parents

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Old 11th October 2013, 03:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Should parents expects money from their children? S'poreans say...

Should parents expects money from their children? S'poreans say...



Tuesday, October 8, 2013 - 07:30
The New Paper


Q: Should parents expect money from their children?

68 per cent YES


"When I started working, I gave half my pay to my parents. Giving shows how grateful we are to them for bringing us up. Even if the parents are rich, the children should still give. It is also a way of contributing to the household expenses."

- Madam Fatimah Yusoff, 45, housewife

"I think they have a right to expect money from their children. But it is important as to how they communicate this expectation to their children. "

- Ms Charlene Low, 23, public relations executive

"Parents will not be able to work once they reach a certain age and children must be able to provide for them. I'm not that old yet, but if we don't start collecting when they start working, it will be hard to do so later in life."

- Madam Yeo Siew Toh, 45, housewife

NO 32 per cent

"It really depends on the child's circumstances. I have my own income. My children have their own bills to settle and I don't want to burden them."

- Mr Mohamed Sidik Hanifa, 67, taxi driver

"I don't think parents should expect children to give them money. If it happens, it is a bonus. Whatever it is, children must give willingly and sincerely. Only then will the act of giving be meaningful."

- Mr Abbas Hamid, 58, taxi driver

"It really depends on how much the child earns. But if the child earns only a few hundred dollars a month, you can't expect him to give his parents money, right?"

- Ms Sam Say Ha, 30, housewife

Source: http://news.asiaone.com/news/singapo...n-sporeans-say

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Old 11th October 2013, 05:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: Does giving money = filial piety?

I would give my parents some allowance. After all, we had been getting pocket money since young. It's like returning their gratitude.

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