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Old 7th July 2017, 12:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

My bf is in his mid twenties and is a working adult now. He lives in the East, while I'm in the North area. He asked me out for a date in town, and it was midnight already. I expected him to send me back home, since he has a car. But he wanted me to take a cab back instead, which would be too expensive, as there's midnight charges and i'm not willing to pay for that since I'm still student with ZERO income.

He only mentioned that he has a morning appt the next day, when I got into his car. The thing is, even when he has no work the next day, he's not very cool with sending me back either.

He said that I'm too dependent on him, like I cant even go back home myself. And he said that if he needs to do this in the long run, he'll get sick of it, its a chore to him.

I do agree that we live far apart and its not convenient for him, only for me. But is it just me? I think its only proper that a guy sends you back home after a date, especially when he has car. Plus, it was midnight? So, am I wrong?

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Old 7th July 2017, 01:49 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

I have a lot to comment on this case but i just want to ask some questions so that they can be raised to your attention to help you to make a decision on what to do on your own.

Does your boyfriend do this offen? Like ask you out on late night timings, or date at far away locations but expect you to go back on your own? Or is this the only first isolated iccident?

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Old 7th July 2017, 06:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Since he ask you out he should sent you back , somemore got car should be convenient, even among guys the ones driving would sent their friends back too unless they have something on.

Anyway I have a feeling he isnt taking the r/s seriously with those kind of reasons.

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Old 9th July 2017, 01:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by Photosnapper View Post
I have a lot to comment on this case but i just want to ask some questions so that they can be raised to your attention to help you to make a decision on what to do on your own.

Does your boyfriend do this offen? Like ask you out on late night timings, or date at far away locations but expect you to go back on your own? Or is this the only first isolated iccident?
We've only been tgt for 1 month. So there arent that many incidents like this. We'll usually meet in the afternoon, but hang out till night. If theres public transport available, i dun mind going back alone (Half the time). But midnight? No way. And it only happened twice for midnight outing. Actually, the first day i accepted him, after sending me home, he asked is it acceptable to ask me go home myself when it gets late next time (but i said no). Not because he already got sick of it, but he thinks he'll, if he does this everytimes. (He said he wanna lay out all the expectations to prevent disasters) And we cant possibly always date around my area, it'll get boring.

But then now, the problem escalated to "We've different frequency" "He's really interested in me, but feel that its dying fast"... He thinks i'm total opposite of being proactive. Like, I dun plan dates, I throw everything to let him decide and we've nothing to talk about. The thing is, I planned where to go ytd, what to eat. He still threw that same complaint to me.

For the no common topic, I'm not quite sure.. I kinda feel so too. He once said that he like me because i talk less, but now it became my weakness instead. I duno why, but i feel more comfortable talking to him over calls/texts than in person. He likes to judge and very blunt, which is probably why i'm more guarded when in person. I tried to talk more ytd, but i'm not sure if we can make it right.

I'm someone who doesn't let go of a r/s easily and will try to work out the differences otherwise i might die of regrets for not trying harder. Because i think that there're no perfectly compatible person for each other, but are they willing to work it out. While for him, he will let go once he think they're not compatible. Because he doesn't like to drag. Which is also why all his past r/s ended in a few months. But we've only been tgt for 1 month? And he already feel this way...

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Old 9th July 2017, 01:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by oldvirgin View Post
Since he ask you out he should sent you back , somemore got car should be convenient, even among guys the ones driving would sent their friends back too unless they have something on.

Anyway I have a feeling he isnt taking the r/s seriously with those kind of reasons.
Well i guess, to him, having a car is for his convenience not others. He did tell me that he has not being able to love anyone ever since he was 10 years old.. He wants to find back that love feeling. but he couldn't with any of his exes. He only wants to try out r/s with them, to see their compatibility. Because to him, never try never know. He asked me, what do i think about out r/s... tbh, i duno how to love someone who duno how to love back...

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Old 9th July 2017, 05:19 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by AceStars View Post
We've only been tgt for 1 month. So there arent that many incidents like this. We'll usually meet in the afternoon, but hang out till night. If theres public transport available, i dun mind going back alone (Half the time). But midnight? No way. And it only happened twice for midnight outing. Actually, the first day i accepted him, after sending me home, he asked is it acceptable to ask me go home myself when it gets late next time (but i said no). Not because he already got sick of it, but he thinks he'll, if he does this everytimes. (He said he wanna lay out all the expectations to prevent disasters) And we cant possibly always date around my area, it'll get boring.

But then now, the problem escalated to "We've different frequency" "He's really interested in me, but feel that its dying fast"... He thinks i'm total opposite of being proactive. Like, I dun plan dates, I throw everything to let him decide and we've nothing to talk about. The thing is, I planned where to go ytd, what to eat. He still threw that same complaint to me.

For the no common topic, I'm not quite sure.. I kinda feel so too. He once said that he like me because i talk less, but now it became my weakness instead. I duno why, but i feel more comfortable talking to him over calls/texts than in person. He likes to judge and very blunt, which is probably why i'm more guarded when in person. I tried to talk more ytd, but i'm not sure if we can make it right.

I'm someone who doesn't let go of a r/s easily and will try to work out the differences otherwise i might die of regrets for not trying harder. Because i think that there're no perfectly compatible person for each other, but are they willing to work it out. While for him, he will let go once he think they're not compatible. Because he doesn't like to drag. Which is also why all his past r/s ended in a few months. But we've only been tgt for 1 month? And he already feel this way...
On objective neutral viewpoint.
I think in a relationship or even just pure friendships the aim is to make a connection. Like whether you have topics to talk about, how well you agree on things, how well you can work on things practically. Maybe you can tell him that you don't feel safe going home alone late at night, and ask him to send you home with his car. Otherwise don't ever meet and stay late until the night. See how he respond and reply then. How do you feel when you are with him during this one month period? Like was it fine in the beginning then you have this feeling telling you that he may be unreasonable or not really the kind of guy you envision or wanted in a boyfriend? Maybe you should just treat him like a friend instead for a start (one month is only a short period of time) and slowly see how the relationship goes. Let things go naturally and let nature takes its course. Unless you are madly in love with him for no reason, he might just fade out of your life and as you move on you might meet someone you feel comfortable with? It seems like you are having problem with him not sending you home late at night, there is no sharing of ideas on planning your date outings, you may have problems on topics to talk about, he judges you and problably commented on it without regards to your feelings.

My personal viewpoint:
I don't have a car but i have a bad sense of direction - so i ensure i can reach my home after sending my girlfriend home. If i am with a girl whom i have some liking to i will want to make sure she returns home safe especially late at night. This rule will go on if one day we get married and applies to our children too. I won't mind travelling home with her or walking her home. I usually have a rule that if i have an important event or have to work the next day early morning, the previous night i will not stay out late. I will tell my girlfriend so. I hope your boyfirend is not having in the situation like i do. Try to find out using tactful methods on each of the things he does to see if there are valid reasons behind them. He may not want to share about it maybe because of pride for fear that it may be a sign of weakness. I feel being blunt has its pros and cons. But i see the cons overshadow the pros. Tacful replies and comments helps you many ways in life - career, friendships or even first impressions. Being blunt has its good too because it presents the truth as it is, without a mask or an intention just to please. My opinion is that your boyfriend do not want to put in effort in his relationship with a girl or woman, which probably explains his past failed relationships with others. You might probably want to be BLUNT and tell him that this might his weakness. It will be difficult to find a girl who has all his personality and traits. Even if he does the relationship will be mechanical and a stoic one.

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Old 9th July 2017, 09:23 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by Photosnapper View Post
On objective neutral viewpoint.
I think in a relationship or even just pure friendships the aim is to make a connection. Like whether you have topics to talk about, how well you agree on things, how well you can work on things practically. Maybe you can tell him that you don't feel safe going home alone late at night, and ask him to send you home with his car. Otherwise don't ever meet and stay late until the night. See how he respond and reply then. How do you feel when you are with him during this one month period? Like was it fine in the beginning then you have this feeling telling you that he may be unreasonable or not really the kind of guy you envision or wanted in a boyfriend? Maybe you should just treat him like a friend instead for a start (one month is only a short period of time) and slowly see how the relationship goes. Let things go naturally and let nature takes its course. Unless you are madly in love with him for no reason, he might just fade out of your life and as you move on you might meet someone you feel comfortable with? It seems like you are having problem with him not sending you home late at night, there is no sharing of ideas on planning your date outings, you may have problems on topics to talk about, he judges you and problably commented on it without regards to your feelings.

My personal viewpoint:
I don't have a car but i have a bad sense of direction - so i ensure i can reach my home after sending my girlfriend home. If i am with a girl whom i have some liking to i will want to make sure she returns home safe especially late at night. This rule will go on if one day we get married and applies to our children too. I won't mind travelling home with her or walking her home. I usually have a rule that if i have an important event or have to work the next day early morning, the previous night i will not stay out late. I will tell my girlfriend so. I hope your boyfirend is not having in the situation like i do. Try to find out using tactful methods on each of the things he does to see if there are valid reasons behind them. He may not want to share about it maybe because of pride for fear that it may be a sign of weakness. I feel being blunt has its pros and cons. But i see the cons overshadow the pros. Tacful replies and comments helps you many ways in life - career, friendships or even first impressions. Being blunt has its good too because it presents the truth as it is, without a mask or an intention just to please. My opinion is that your boyfriend do not want to put in effort in his relationship with a girl or woman, which probably explains his past failed relationships with others. You might probably want to be BLUNT and tell him that this might his weakness. It will be difficult to find a girl who has all his personality and traits. Even if he does the relationship will be mechanical and a stoic one.
For the sending me back part, to him, singapore is very safe, hence it is not necessary to send me back everytime, be it late or not. Plus, its not practical to him, as we live far apart (Like 30min to drive me back, another 30min to go back home) He did say he doesn't mind, if its once in a while but not everytime.

During this 1 month, i like it how he'll always talk to me on the phone for hours and text day to night. These little gestures actually makes me feel kinda connected to him, like I mean something to him? But perhaps we're running out of topics already, as he's a working adult while i'm still a student with one more final paper to go next week before i grad. Plus, we're both introverts. But for me, i talk less because it takes time for me to open up. Even those friends whom i initially have no topics to talk about at all, we ended up being bff after some time when i opened up and slowly get to know them. (I dun mind taking it slowly, but he minds. He thinks that I'm already 24, he doesnt want to waste my time. He thinks theres nothing to work on? As he feels that the problem is, we'll get bored of each other after some time)

But at the same time, right from the start, I can also already tell that he has some qualities which I dont really like. For example, he lay it out to me that he's just treating me normal not special. As he wants his effort to be consistent, and not be seen like a jerk who only treats girls well in the beginning. He mentioned that he feels tired in relationships (But he had never really put in any genuine efforts in any r/s before, as he's impatient and low tolerant...) And he told me that, he wants to find back that love feeling that he had when he was 10, but he just cant up till date.

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Old 9th July 2017, 06:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by AceStars View Post
We've only been tgt for 1 month. So there arent that many incidents like this. We'll usually meet in the afternoon, but hang out till night. If theres public transport available, i dun mind going back alone (Half the time). But midnight? No way. And it only happened twice for midnight outing. Actually, the first day i accepted him, after sending me home, he asked is it acceptable to ask me go home myself when it gets late next time (but i said no). Not because he already got sick of it, but he thinks he'll, if he does this everytimes. (He said he wanna lay out all the expectations to prevent disasters) And we cant possibly always date around my area, it'll get boring.

But then now, the problem escalated to "We've different frequency" "He's really interested in me, but feel that its dying fast"... He thinks i'm total opposite of being proactive. Like, I dun plan dates, I throw everything to let him decide and we've nothing to talk about. The thing is, I planned where to go ytd, what to eat. He still threw that same complaint to me.

For the no common topic, I'm not quite sure.. I kinda feel so too. He once said that he like me because i talk less, but now it became my weakness instead. I duno why, but i feel more comfortable talking to him over calls/texts than in person. He likes to judge and very blunt, which is probably why i'm more guarded when in person. I tried to talk more ytd, but i'm not sure if we can make it right.

I'm someone who doesn't let go of a r/s easily and will try to work out the differences otherwise i might die of regrets for not trying harder. Because i think that there're no perfectly compatible person for each other, but are they willing to work it out. While for him, he will let go once he think they're not compatible. Because he doesn't like to drag. Which is also why all his past r/s ended in a few months. But we've only been tgt for 1 month? And he already feel this way...
Well it does seems like there arent any chemistry between you two so theres rly no point to try to make it work if its feels more like a chore. Besides since you are still studying means that you are still young thus there will always be a lot of opportunities in the future.

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Old 10th July 2017, 08:04 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by oldvirgin View Post
Well it does seems like there arent any chemistry between you two so theres rly no point to try to make it work if its feels more like a chore. Besides since you are still studying means that you are still young thus there will always be a lot of opportunities in the future.
Hmm. I have been thinking, is it really not chemistry, incompatible? Even those who are my bff now, we din hit if off right from the bat, we took some time before getting closer. And we've only been tgt for a month, so it's like at the adjustment period?
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Old 10th July 2017, 03:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by AceStars View Post
For the sending me back part, to him, singapore is very safe, hence it is not necessary to send me back everytime, be it late or not. Plus, its not practical to him, as we live far apart (Like 30min to drive me back, another 30min to go back home) He did say he doesn't mind, if its once in a while but not everytime.

During this 1 month, i like it how he'll always talk to me on the phone for hours and text day to night. These little gestures actually makes me feel kinda connected to him, like I mean something to him? But perhaps we're running out of topics already, as he's a working adult while i'm still a student with one more final paper to go next week before i grad. Plus, we're both introverts. But for me, i talk less because it takes time for me to open up. Even those friends whom i initially have no topics to talk about at all, we ended up being bff after some time when i opened up and slowly get to know them. (I dun mind taking it slowly, but he minds. He thinks that I'm already 24, he doesnt want to waste my time. He thinks theres nothing to work on? As he feels that the problem is, we'll get bored of each other after some time)

But at the same time, right from the start, I can also already tell that he has some qualities which I dont really like. For example, he lay it out to me that he's just treating me normal not special. As he wants his effort to be consistent, and not be seen like a jerk who only treats girls well in the beginning. He mentioned that he feels tired in relationships (But he had never really put in any genuine efforts in any r/s before, as he's impatient and low tolerant...) And he told me that, he wants to find back that love feeling that he had when he was 10, but he just cant up till date.
I am not trying to influence you or change your (or his) opinion. But i take a very serious view on the sending home part. I disagree with your BF that Singapore is safe. Crimes can easily occur at secluded places and also at nightime because these conditions makes a haven for a crime to be committed when no one is around to help and the criminals can get away easily. I think it is very irresponsible to just pass a comment that Singapore is safe and thus no need any escorting home. I will suggest that you not go out with him on outings that will drag late into the night, unless he agrees to send you home after that, be it with his car or public / private transport. This can be a habit if he were to marry you and you have kids. I think his car will be put into frequent use for family outings and kids' school days commuting.

I think you are fine with running out of topics and you will not mind just seeing each other even without much to talk about? Correct me if i am wrong. When you wrote that your Bf thinks there is nothing to work on and will get bored of each other some time, isn't a sign that he does not want to continue deeper with the relationship anymore? I find from your provided information that there are several contradicting and confusing actions from your bf (1) he constantly text and call you for the 1 month period since you know him and you are comfortable and in fact happy with it (2) he foresee the relationship going stale with no more topics to talk about and do not wish to make any move to put ideas into action to keep the relationship alive and find that you will eventually get bored of each other (3) he told you that you are like a normal not special friend?

I think if you are really interested to continue with this relationship, you might have to put in more effort to make and market yourself as an attraction to him, while slowly try to correct the negative points i mentioned about him. If you were to evetually marry him, you cannot expect those negative points to continue further which might wear you out evetually and ends in a divorce.

As for the feeling he had when he was 10, the one he so much pursue maybe you can get him to talk more about it. He is like mid-twenties now. how can he related a 10 year old feelings about love compared to like when he is in his twenties now, and actually find it worthwhile to pursue? Maybe he had a crush on a woman or a kid classmate back then? So abstract.

I think you should also keep your options open for other guys in your circle of friends or acquaintances now. No rush if you are in fact in a rush. Once you graduate and step into the adult working life, more guys will appear in your life for sure and you can have more options.

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Old 10th July 2017, 03:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by AceStars View Post
Hmm. I have been thinking, is it really not chemistry, incompatible? Even those who are my bff now, we din hit if off right from the bat, we took some time before getting closer. And we've only been tgt for a month, so it's like at the adjustment period?
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But the difference is you didnt get into a r/s with them other than just being friends, maybe its time to take a step back and be just a friend with him instead and see how it goes from there.

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Old 11th July 2017, 11:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by Photosnapper View Post
I am not trying to influence you or change your (or his) opinion. But i take a very serious view on the sending home part. I disagree with your BF that Singapore is safe. Crimes can easily occur at secluded places and also at nightime because these conditions makes a haven for a crime to be committed when no one is around to help and the criminals can get away easily. I think it is very irresponsible to just pass a comment that Singapore is safe and thus no need any escorting home. I will suggest that you not go out with him on outings that will drag late into the night, unless he agrees to send you home after that, be it with his car or public / private transport. This can be a habit if he were to marry you and you have kids. I think his car will be put into frequent use for family outings and kids' school days commuting.

I think you are fine with running out of topics and you will not mind just seeing each other even without much to talk about? Correct me if i am wrong. When you wrote that your Bf thinks there is nothing to work on and will get bored of each other some time, isn't a sign that he does not want to continue deeper with the relationship anymore? I find from your provided information that there are several contradicting and confusing actions from your bf (1) he constantly text and call you for the 1 month period since you know him and you are comfortable and in fact happy with it (2) he foresee the relationship going stale with no more topics to talk about and do not wish to make any move to put ideas into action to keep the relationship alive and find that you will eventually get bored of each other (3) he told you that you are like a normal not special friend?

I think if you are really interested to continue with this relationship, you might have to put in more effort to make and market yourself as an attraction to him, while slowly try to correct the negative points i mentioned about him. If you were to evetually marry him, you cannot expect those negative points to continue further which might wear you out evetually and ends in a divorce.

As for the feeling he had when he was 10, the one he so much pursue maybe you can get him to talk more about it. He is like mid-twenties now. how can he related a 10 year old feelings about love compared to like when he is in his twenties now, and actually find it worthwhile to pursue? Maybe he had a crush on a woman or a kid classmate back then? So abstract.

I think you should also keep your options open for other guys in your circle of friends or acquaintances now. No rush if you are in fact in a rush. Once you graduate and step into the adult working life, more guys will appear in your life for sure and you can have more options.
Hmm okay, so we just had a talk abt it over the phone. As I do not want to meet him till my exam over, since its my last and retake module before i graduate. I want to fully focus on it.

He said that its not because we've no common topics which leads him to think that our r/s will eventually go stale. Its more about he needs someone who can push him to become a better person. Because his goal is to earn 10k per month, and he's only earning 4.5k right now. But the thing is, he cant find any reason or motivation to earn more than that, which is why he needs a woman to motivate him. Hence, he feels that his life partner has to be career-minded, someone who is not contented with just 2 or 3k per month. Because he doesnt want to have a huge difference in their pay. Like if he earns 10k, she should be earning 6k. In short, he wants someone who can grow with him, otherwise he will feel stale. But the thing is, i'm still a student until this friday. I have yet to start my working life to know what exactly i want..

He also feels that perhaps he's too impatient, he finds it irritating/turn off whenever i'm oblivious and absorbed in my own world. For example when he talks to me, but i missed his point due to spacing out/ not attentive. And he complains that I have trouble making decisions, like planning dates, what to eat etc. He did say these are trivial matters, but its part of my character, so he might get sick of nagging me.

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Old 12th July 2017, 07:33 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by AceStars View Post
Hmm okay, so we just had a talk abt it over the phone. As I do not want to meet him till my exam over, since its my last and retake module before i graduate. I want to fully focus on it.

He said that its not because we've no common topics which leads him to think that our r/s will eventually go stale. Its more about he needs someone who can push him to become a better person. Because his goal is to earn 10k per month, and he's only earning 4.5k right now. But the thing is, he cant find any reason or motivation to earn more than that, which is why he needs a woman to motivate him. Hence, he feels that his life partner has to be career-minded, someone who is not contented with just 2 or 3k per month. Because he doesnt want to have a huge difference in their pay. Like if he earns 10k, she should be earning 6k. In short, he wants someone who can grow with him, otherwise he will feel stale. But the thing is, i'm still a student until this friday. I have yet to start my working life to know what exactly i want..

He also feels that perhaps he's too impatient, he finds it irritating/turn off whenever i'm oblivious and absorbed in my own world. For example when he talks to me, but i missed his point due to spacing out/ not attentive. And he complains that I have trouble making decisions, like planning dates, what to eat etc. He did say these are trivial matters, but its part of my character, so he might get sick of nagging me.
I think yes salary can be one of the motivation for both of you to work on and have a career. But to push for his lover or future wife to also have a certain income level is hardly justifiable because the process of striving to earn a certain amount of money can be stressful for both parties if it somehow cannot be achieved. Just like the problem with sending you home late, you might want to also bring this point out to him. Unless you somehow misunderstood him like what you wrote he thinks you are not paying attention to him and always miss his point? It could also be that he have 'weird' (IMO) goals similar to the 'feelings he wanted to have back when he experienced it when he was 10'.

I will suggest not to set benmarks or goals to how much you must earn but just do your best to have a job you enjoy doing while at the same time pays reasonably. Life is too short to spend you time earning money but not enjoying time together. However, money is very important too. If you don't squander money, save them up, you will find that later in life they will be put to good use. If you were to get married and start a family, kids expenses education, housing, HIS CAR related expenses, have some savings, money to support your parents if they wre not able to, and your own retirement - all these means money. If you can't find a reason to spend money today, save it because tomorrow you will need it.

As for the part about you not paying attention maybe you are trying to understand him or maybe (again) his words are so contradicting that you have problem logically deciperhing them? It helps for you to reflect back what he is saying and check with him if you are on the right track? But i guess then the conversation will become like a counselling session. Lovers and married couples nag at each other, its norm. Once you get married it will be a habit i guess.

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Old 13th July 2017, 02:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by Photosnapper View Post
I think yes salary can be one of the motivation for both of you to work on and have a career. But to push for his lover or future wife to also have a certain income level is hardly justifiable because the process of striving to earn a certain amount of money can be stressful for both parties if it somehow cannot be achieved. Just like the problem with sending you home late, you might want to also bring this point out to him. Unless you somehow misunderstood him like what you wrote he thinks you are not paying attention to him and always miss his point? It could also be that he have 'weird' (IMO) goals similar to the 'feelings he wanted to have back when he experienced it when he was 10'.

I will suggest not to set benmarks or goals to how much you must earn but just do your best to have a job you enjoy doing while at the same time pays reasonably. Life is too short to spend you time earning money but not enjoying time together. However, money is very important too. If you don't squander money, save them up, you will find that later in life they will be put to good use. If you were to get married and start a family, kids expenses education, housing, HIS CAR related expenses, have some savings, money to support your parents if they wre not able to, and your own retirement - all these means money. If you can't find a reason to spend money today, save it because tomorrow you will need it.

As for the part about you not paying attention maybe you are trying to understand him or maybe (again) his words are so contradicting that you have problem logically deciperhing them? It helps for you to reflect back what he is saying and check with him if you are on the right track? But i guess then the conversation will become like a counselling session. Lovers and married couples nag at each other, its norm. Once you get married it will be a habit i guess.
He said that he wants his future wife to earn a certain amount of money, because he wants a woman who is intelligent and capable and not an airhead, gold digger who just wants a rich husband to pay everything for her.

I do have difficulties trying to understand him sometimes, simply because he expects me to be on the same page as him, when he doesnt even finish his sentences. For example, when he is parking, he will suddenly say," What time to what time?" By that, he meant the parking rates and timing. But i've never been in this kind of situation before, because all of my friends rely on themselves to see such info (or perhaps they simply care less). And you know how sometimes ppl will make silly mistakes, like when ppl ask you what date is it? And you told them what time it is instead. He cant tolerate when i make trivial mistakes like these.. And he expects me to relate something that is happening right now to something that we heard on the radio hours ago. I think these can all improve when we spend more time getting to know each other's patterns or frequencies. But if he's impatient all the time, it does get quite irritating. And he thinks that if he has to nag all the times, he might end up like his parents, giving up on communicating and putting up with each other for the rest of their life. Which is what he doesnt wish to happen to him.

And i really do not know what he wants. He's such a fickle minded person. When he told me all these, was to let me know the reason why he cannot be with me. But now he suddenly keep saying he misses me and he has been thinking about how to earn more money on his own. I'm not quite sure if he's someone that i should keep in my life anymore..

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Old 13th July 2017, 03:36 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by AceStars View Post
He said that he wants his future wife to earn a certain amount of money, because he wants a woman who is intelligent and capable and not an airhead, gold digger who just wants a rich husband to pay everything for her.

I do have difficulties trying to understand him sometimes, simply because he expects me to be on the same page as him, when he doesnt even finish his sentences. For example, when he is parking, he will suddenly say," What time to what time?" By that, he meant the parking rates and timing. But i've never been in this kind of situation before, because all of my friends rely on themselves to see such info (or perhaps they simply care less). And you know how sometimes ppl will make silly mistakes, like when ppl ask you what date is it? And you told them what time it is instead. He cant tolerate when i make trivial mistakes like these.. And he expects me to relate something that is happening right now to something that we heard on the radio hours ago. I think these can all improve when we spend more time getting to know each other's patterns or frequencies. But if he's impatient all the time, it does get quite irritating. And he thinks that if he has to nag all the times, he might end up like his parents, giving up on communicating and putting up with each other for the rest of their life. Which is what he doesnt wish to happen to him.

And i really do not know what he wants. He's such a fickle minded person. When he told me all these, was to let me know the reason why he cannot be with me. But now he suddenly keep saying he misses me and he has been thinking about how to earn more money on his own. I'm not quite sure if he's someone that i should keep in my life anymore..
I think it should be how to manage money, not how much you earn that makes sense. You can earn the world, but if you spend like buying the whole world, even one day you earn the universe it will still be insufficient. If he really likes you as a person, he can start off paying for dates, then explain to you and you can try going dutch, or split or let you have a share in the expenses while dating. This can pave way for the future should you get married you can plan, work out and share your family related expenses.

Misunderstanding happens when you misinterpret his words, or he never phrase them clearly. It can improve when you get to know each other better but it will never do good if either party has no patient with one another. And i think since he mentioned his parents have communication problems too, it might be a backdrop on his upbringing, the 'culture' that is so deeply engrave in him with negativity.

From your latest posting you wrote that you concluded he is very flicke minded and probably he has not work out himeself what he wants or he might be hiding something deeper where the reasons that he give you (which sometimes don't make sense) might be a facade and mask over it.

I think having a car or earning 4.5K (with a goal to earn 10k) as qualities for a boyfirend is good but there are more things to work on in a deeper friendship/ courtship. You can earn the world but spend lavishly (his car is one such expenditure), it will never be enough. He can be no different from one who earn less but spend within his means. If i am interested in a girl and i have a chance to date her till midnight, i will send her home. The dating never stops until you are at her house doors seeing her safely back home. There are so many things to see and talk about on the journey home. For a poorer boyfriend, going dutch or working on sharing expenditures during dates prepares the couple for financial planning if they were to get married and start a family. Misunderstanding and differences happens to all couples, its patience and giving the other party a chance to correct it that matters, not giving excuses.

Just keep your options open. You are still young and i am sure you will find a person whom you feel 'right' when you are together. BTW how did you get to know him?

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Old 13th July 2017, 04:04 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

You can try dating channels to meet new people (guys), who should be on the similar track and goal looking for a soulmate.

You can also try volunteering which is free. Pick a cause and volunteering role of your interest and the chances that you will meet someone who has interests similar to yours is very high indeed!

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Old 22nd July 2017, 09:31 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: Help! Bf complains i'm too dependent on him!

Originally Posted by AceStars View Post
Well i guess, to him, having a car is for his convenience not others. He did tell me that he has not being able to love anyone ever since he was 10 years old.. He wants to find back that love feeling. but he couldn't with any of his exes. He only wants to try out r/s with them, to see their compatibility. Because to him, never try never know. He asked me, what do i think about out r/s... tbh, i duno how to love someone who duno how to love back...
If he ain't too serious about you, you shouldn't be too serious too. Don't be too clingy to him in case one day he decided to leave you, you won't feel that hurt. Just keep things casual for now and make new friends.

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