[saccharinesweet]

Warning: long post, but thanks so much to those kind souls out there who're patient enough to read this. Sorry I'm not going to use profound English, not today cuz I'm just gonna get everything off my chest. So please pardon me if I use some singlish here and there): I'm sorry

So there was this guy, we were schoolmates back then in primary school. A very intelligent boy, but rather self-opinionated but that I understand cuz he's the youngest child and only boy in his affluent family.

After we graduated from pri school, we still kept in contact. But he got a few marks higher than me in psle, and kinda jeered at me then. Crestfallen, but still I liked his character. Serious, loyal, wise guy. Just very egoistic. He got into a reputable boys' school which is just opposite mine somewhere here in bukit timah. (won't disclose the name of his school)

One year later,he told me he loved me and wanted me to be his girl. I kinda feared him so didnt dare to reject him, and liked him a little so kinda accepted him. 2 weeks later he insisted on a breakup, saying his sis wanted him to concentrate on his studies. It didn't hurt much because I wanted to concentrate on my studies either. But we remained as good friends.

Then in sec 3, his relative passed away in an accident. He came to me seeking for comfort. And my heart ached to see him looking so downcast, I gave him all my condolences, asked him to stay strong, and that I'd always be there should he require any assistence. He kinda cried over his relative's demise, that hurt me so much I cried too and wished I was the one who was dead instead. Anyway, our relationship grew closer since then as he began to confide in me. And through those days I watched him grow, from a naive, childish little boy to a matured big boy. Still, he likes to get into quarrels with his classmates over seemingly trivial issues (till now). o.O Anyway, my grandma passed away a few mths later, was so upset then. Cried so hard. But he was always there, to give me strength and support through the tough times. I was so touched my feelings for him grew exponentially.

Then, just this year, he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship back then in s1, asked me to give him a second chance, and promised me not to disappoint me again. Even swore that I was going to be the only girl he loves forever. Knowing his character I asked him not to swear anyhow, cuz I'd rather he broke my heart as compared to a swear.
I told him that at this tender age we should be concentrating on our studies, he said it's ok he just wants to give me family warmth. I was very touched, and knowing him again I expected another break up soon after but I couldnt bear to hurt him so I accepted him again.

I gave it all in the r/s. repressed all my needs to cater to his demands.he was never able to meet me but i didn't blame him cuz i knew he was busy. but somehow he always had the time to go out with his friends (both guys and girls). I always bought him gifts to make him happy, but at the end of the day when he received them all, he told me " please don't look down on me though my family may not be as rich as yours. just care for urself" when that never crossed my mind before. And he himself is a rich kid, I don't know why he actually said that. He lives in private property too. Anw he never gave me anything before but I never wanted anything from him, just a little care and attention as a bf.

Soon, he wanted a breakup, saying he doesn't wanna be tied down to a relationship. but the thing was i never once made a grouch about anything before, even when he was blissfully flirting around with other girls on friendster. just wanted him to be happy and told myself as long as it didn't get physical (touching & stuff) , it's pretty much fine as long as he was happy though it hurt me alot.
but still, i let him go


Just a few months back, i came across a particular entry on his friend's blog which mentioned that he was howling at some hot girls walking past his school one day.
Was very hurt again, cried alot, asked him politely if it was true, he just told me this : if you think i'm that kind of guy, then just let it be.

I thought I misunderstood him, so began to trust him even more. Was even sweeter to him, catering to all his demands, hoping to atone for my sins.

Anyway I bought him a windbreaker before he went to Australia for a competition, hoping to keep him warm.And just today, I heard from his friends that he was having lotsa fun hugging the girls while taking pics with them. He said they're hot. No wonder he hasn't contacted me since the day he returned. I cried alot again, wanted to cut all ties with him and just told him to take care of himself and stay strong without me by his side. A long message, but he merely replied "I'm sorry. take care then"


Now my heart hurts so much i don't know what to do): When the other guys said i am pretty he'd just go -.- . And he said I was a flirt when i tried so hard to avoid all other boys then. A few months back when he heard that I was about to accept this RJ guy who's all along been there for me (didn't think of that, not sure who spread the rumour) weeks after the breakup, he got worked up and asked me how on earth I was able to move on to another r/s right after we broke. And that is when he actually went about messing around with Aussie girls he barely knew.



My heart just hurts so much now. Can't avoid him much cuz we'll be in the same college next year. I want to concentrate on my studies but it's just so hard to get him off my head and whatever he's just done. Was so silly then, actually felt like giving it all up and seek suicide/ join a gang/become les, but now I've sorted out my feelings a little. He's just getting back to his old ways, trifling with the big boys at school. And there's no way I can help him; he never once listened to my advice. I'm just gna study really hard in JC and beat him in the A's. Like what the RJ guy said, I'll brave on..


Now, the prob is I've prepared this handmade gift for him before he went to Aus but haven't got a chance to pass it to him yet. It's a pretty jar filled with little stars and in each of them is a meaningful quote that I hope to convey with him to cheer him on in his life in times of adversity. Also hope to impart the knowledge (that making someone else happy can bring lotsa joy too so try to give in to those boys in school) to him. I've also made a card for him, on it is a pic of us together, but was just pondering about what I should write on the card when I heard about him messing around with other girls elsewhere while I was here getting all anxious about his health &competition.

Now I'm just thinking if I should give all these to him since I've already spent so much time and effort preparing them, and at the same time return the money I owed him for a meal, or simply just throw them all away and ask a friend to pass his money back to him. The thing is that I'm thinking of passing them all to him personally with the gifts one day, in the most beautiful dress I've got (just to vent my fustrations).



What should I do now?):

(1) If I really shouldn't give him the gifts, do I throw them away? All my hard work): And do I pass the money to him personally or get a friend to do so?

or

(2) If I should really meet up with him with all the gifts and money, what should I write on the card after all that has happened? What should I do/say on the day I see him? If he just utters a plain "Sorry" again, how should I reply him?): And do you think it'll be wise to talk to the RJ friend on the phone on that day when he's there? (not to spite him but to teach him to cherish the next girl who's gonna sacrifice everything for him and not hurt her anymore..)


thanks so much for your patience..):

[finaldust]

forget about even passing to him bah maybe can give to someone who really worth it or just throw away so wont remind u of the sad thing

[applehearts]

i think u should just get over him
he's such a jerk!
there are better guys

[Wolfyyy]

Well, what I see from your story here is that :-

-You've fallen so deep to the point whereby even if it hurts you, you still insist on holding on to it -

Now there are alot of people out there who keeps saying stuffs like " Its okay if he doesn't like me/treat me well. As long as he is happy, I'm fine. "

It sounds really courageous of you. But the thing is, why are you hurting yourself when there isn't any benefits out of it? You need to figure whether the effort is worth the outcome. For instance, if your relationship is on a verge of a break due to more acceptable reasons like work or etc, its fine. Because issues like that could be resolved. But you know he is doing something behind your back and yet you're still holding back, on whether you should let go?

My philosophical question in love is that, how can you love someone else when you haven't even start to learn to love yourself?

You can love someone so dearly but what is the point if you'll get hurt at the end of the day. What are you working for? Are you confident that you are building a bliss with this guy or are you creating a disaster for yourself right from the start? In my opinion, as a neutral, your efforts right from the start of the relationship was all kinda pointless. Maybe you might not agree, but that is only because you're still not in a right frame of mind for now. When you totally lose your feeilngs for him down the years and you look back to this, you'd be laughing at yourself - It happened to me before, and so did many people.

My conclusion - is to take option A. I know its hard on you since I've been through the weirdest and bad breakups as well in my own life and I know how much it sucks to be in that situation. But you've gotta work on your future. Don't be selfish to yourself. You need to know how to make yourself happy - by looking for the right guy.

First love are always the toughest to let go if it all goes wrong. Because everyone wants a fairytale love story for themselves - And the truth is, it doesn't always go the way we want it to. Its reality. But once you do, you'll be doing the bravest and smartest thing of your life.

[SaintArthas]

Keep the gifts for your next better guy. What a jerk. Just pass money to him through friends.

[huage]

i think u should just pass the gifts to him since you have prepared for him and it is meant for him. Just write somethi like ask him tc.nothi else. dun write anythi that give him the impression that u still care for him. make a clean break with him.

Dun ever do anthi silly like sucide, joining a gang /becoming a les. That should not across u mind. Face it when u have any problem, dun ever avoid the problems cos you will never gonna solve them.

You are big enuff to think about u future. so what if u two gonna be in same college next year? Face him bravely, letting him know that it is his lost by not treassure you as gf. I;m sure u can live better without him, he was purely took advantage of you in the past, rem that in your heart.

[Amulet]

Originally Posted by SaintArthas

Keep the gifts for your next better guy. What a jerk. Just pass money to him through friends.

yeah.. keep the gift for the nxt worth person

serious, IMO la.. he seems like such an ego person to me to the point that i feel like he winning you back is not becoz he loves u.. it feels more like coz he cannot stand the chances of u forgettin him and gettin another BF after u guys broke up.. how to say ar.. to him, its like 'she have to love me only even if i dump her.. im the most charming person in her life' something like that ba.. the feeling of 'win' n if u pass him the gift, its goin to be juz another trophy to him ba..

[Locutus]

saccharinesweet,

i must say you show a lot of thought in what you wrote. I'm not going to go lengthy about this so I'm just going to go straight and address the gift part.

What does your heart tell you regarding the gift?

Personally, i sense that you won't feel peace at heart if you don't give him the gift. If that's the case, then just give and let go.

[yyniddle]

Originally Posted by huage

i think u should just pass the gifts to him since you have prepared for him and it is meant for him. Just write somethi like ask him tc.nothi else. dun write anythi that give him the impression that u still care for him. make a clean break with him.

Dun ever do anthi silly like sucide, joining a gang /becoming a les. That should not across u mind. Face it when u have any problem, dun ever avoid the problems cos you will never gonna solve them.

You are big enuff to think about u future. so what if u two gonna be in same college next year? Face him bravely, letting him know that it is his lost by not treassure you as gf. I;m sure u can live better without him, he was purely took advantage of you in the past, rem that in your heart.

i agree with this..

take care girl!

[christmas_]

forget abt him, he's just a flirt.
since he's from a rich family and he's the only boy in his family, that concludes that he dont have any good discipline or proper upbringing.

anyway, there are still many nice guys out there... ...good luck finding your true one!

[workingtoohard]

he aint worth your gifts. it sounds like you're his spare tire...

Originally Posted by huage

Dun ever do anthi silly like sucide, joining a gang /becoming a les. That should not across u mind. Face it when u have any problem, dun ever avoid the problems cos you will never gonna solve them.

lol.. you just reminded me of a southpark episode... when butters "died"... and the parents never thought of reviving him till one old man came by and gave those idea in the "you shouldn't do this. but it exist" way...

[seicheong]

he isnt worthly of you.
dump the card, keep the star and spend the money =)

forget bout him, sms him "F**K OFF from my life!"
okay the 2nd part was just for fun.

[Twilight]

if you gif the gift to him, he might thought that u still lyk him, since e quotes are written before you broke up. So i infer that it is pretty sweet? If it is really those sweet quotes, i think you btr dun gif him lor.. Ltr aft months he wan to woo tou back again, den hurt you again...

But if you insist on giving it back to him, if i were you, i will ask the RJ guy along with mi.. Coz the RJ guy and comfort you if he said something bad to you and hurt you.. also can let him see that it is his disadvantage to hurt you so badly and you haf found a btr guy. (Most probably he will think that the RJ guy is you bf)

[hansheng]

forget about him...he is such a idiot...fool around with girls...
And u r a nice girl...find someone who is more worth it for the gift and money...

[AhTeng]

get over him ~
he sound lik a fag..

[iloves-]

i strongly agree you to pass your gift to him in the super most beautiful dress lah.
let him know he is stupid to break with you.
& anyway, that present is meant fr him at the start. so, give to him, & end everything with him .
jiayou

[asw]

Listen girl..
Just give up on him..
there is not use doing all this thing..
return the money to him and just carry on ur life like normal..
study hard and score well..
this will be good enough liao..
cheer up..
bu yao xiang bu ke..
haha

Originally Posted by saccharinesweet

Warning: long post, but thanks so much to those kind souls out there who're patient enough to read this. Sorry I'm not going to use profound English, not today cuz I'm just gonna get everything off my chest. So please pardon me if I use some singlish here and there): I'm sorry

So there was this guy, we were schoolmates back then in primary school. A very intelligent boy, but rather self-opinionated but that I understand cuz he's the youngest child and only boy in his affluent family.

After we graduated from pri school, we still kept in contact. But he got a few marks higher than me in psle, and kinda jeered at me then. Crestfallen, but still I liked his character. Serious, loyal, wise guy. Just very egoistic. He got into a reputable boys' school which is just opposite mine somewhere here in bukit timah. (won't disclose the name of his school)

One year later,he told me he loved me and wanted me to be his girl. I kinda feared him so didnt dare to reject him, and liked him a little so kinda accepted him. 2 weeks later he insisted on a breakup, saying his sis wanted him to concentrate on his studies. It didn't hurt much because I wanted to concentrate on my studies either. But we remained as good friends.

Then in sec 3, his relative passed away in an accident. He came to me seeking for comfort. And my heart ached to see him looking so downcast, I gave him all my condolences, asked him to stay strong, and that I'd always be there should he require any assistence. He kinda cried over his relative's demise, that hurt me so much I cried too and wished I was the one who was dead instead. Anyway, our relationship grew closer since then as he began to confide in me. And through those days I watched him grow, from a naive, childish little boy to a matured big boy. Still, he likes to get into quarrels with his classmates over seemingly trivial issues (till now). o.O Anyway, my grandma passed away a few mths later, was so upset then. Cried so hard. But he was always there, to give me strength and support through the tough times. I was so touched my feelings for him grew exponentially.

Then, just this year, he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship back then in s1, asked me to give him a second chance, and promised me not to disappoint me again. Even swore that I was going to be the only girl he loves forever. Knowing his character I asked him not to swear anyhow, cuz I'd rather he broke my heart as compared to a swear.
I told him that at this tender age we should be concentrating on our studies, he said it's ok he just wants to give me family warmth. I was very touched, and knowing him again I expected another break up soon after but I couldnt bear to hurt him so I accepted him again.

I gave it all in the r/s. repressed all my needs to cater to his demands.he was never able to meet me but i didn't blame him cuz i knew he was busy. but somehow he always had the time to go out with his friends (both guys and girls). I always bought him gifts to make him happy, but at the end of the day when he received them all, he told me " please don't look down on me though my family may not be as rich as yours. just care for urself" when that never crossed my mind before. And he himself is a rich kid, I don't know why he actually said that. He lives in private property too. Anw he never gave me anything before but I never wanted anything from him, just a little care and attention as a bf.

Soon, he wanted a breakup, saying he doesn't wanna be tied down to a relationship. but the thing was i never once made a grouch about anything before, even when he was blissfully flirting around with other girls on friendster. just wanted him to be happy and told myself as long as it didn't get physical (touching & stuff) , it's pretty much fine as long as he was happy though it hurt me alot.
but still, i let him go


Just a few months back, i came across a particular entry on his friend's blog which mentioned that he was howling at some hot girls walking past his school one day.
Was very hurt again, cried alot, asked him politely if it was true, he just told me this : if you think i'm that kind of guy, then just let it be.

I thought I misunderstood him, so began to trust him even more. Was even sweeter to him, catering to all his demands, hoping to atone for my sins.

Anyway I bought him a windbreaker before he went to Australia for a competition, hoping to keep him warm.And just today, I heard from his friends that he was having lotsa fun hugging the girls while taking pics with them. He said they're hot. No wonder he hasn't contacted me since the day he returned. I cried alot again, wanted to cut all ties with him and just told him to take care of himself and stay strong without me by his side. A long message, but he merely replied "I'm sorry. take care then"


Now my heart hurts so much i don't know what to do): When the other guys said i am pretty he'd just go -.- . And he said I was a flirt when i tried so hard to avoid all other boys then. A few months back when he heard that I was about to accept this RJ guy who's all along been there for me (didn't think of that, not sure who spread the rumour) weeks after the breakup, he got worked up and asked me how on earth I was able to move on to another r/s right after we broke. And that is when he actually went about messing around with Aussie girls he barely knew.



My heart just hurts so much now. Can't avoid him much cuz we'll be in the same college next year. I want to concentrate on my studies but it's just so hard to get him off my head and whatever he's just done. Was so silly then, actually felt like giving it all up and seek suicide/ join a gang/become les, but now I've sorted out my feelings a little. He's just getting back to his old ways, trifling with the big boys at school. And there's no way I can help him; he never once listened to my advice. I'm just gna study really hard in JC and beat him in the A's. Like what the RJ guy said, I'll brave on..


Now, the prob is I've prepared this handmade gift for him before he went to Aus but haven't got a chance to pass it to him yet. It's a pretty jar filled with little stars and in each of them is a meaningful quote that I hope to convey with him to cheer him on in his life in times of adversity. Also hope to impart the knowledge (that making someone else happy can bring lotsa joy too so try to give in to those boys in school) to him. I've also made a card for him, on it is a pic of us together, but was just pondering about what I should write on the card when I heard about him messing around with other girls elsewhere while I was here getting all anxious about his health &competition.

Now I'm just thinking if I should give all these to him since I've already spent so much time and effort preparing them, and at the same time return the money I owed him for a meal, or simply just throw them all away and ask a friend to pass his money back to him. The thing is that I'm thinking of passing them all to him personally with the gifts one day, in the most beautiful dress I've got (just to vent my fustrations).



What should I do now?):

(1) If I really shouldn't give him the gifts, do I throw them away? All my hard work): And do I pass the money to him personally or get a friend to do so?

or

(2) If I should really meet up with him with all the gifts and money, what should I write on the card after all that has happened? What should I do/say on the day I see him? If he just utters a plain "Sorry" again, how should I reply him?): And do you think it'll be wise to talk to the RJ friend on the phone on that day when he's there? (not to spite him but to teach him to cherish the next girl who's gonna sacrifice everything for him and not hurt her anymore..)


thanks so much for your patience..):

[revis]

what a jerk. be strong girl. live your life better than his. show him, without him, you life is so much more meaningful. make him regret his decision.

and college? how old are you, theres still a long way ahead. you will get to know more guys when you are working. Dont stay in one spot, while he move on with other girls in his arms. it just isnt worth it.

[plutoainaplanet]

I don't mean to sound flippant but he sounds like what a normal guy his age would act, which doesn't diminish the insensitivity or immaturity he showed though ..
cause I mean he's still young too n 'finding his way' in terms of character n how he behaves n treats ppl etc. so hopefully it'll mould him into a better person wen he reflects as he grows up.

Bout the gifts n all that, I think since you made em for him jus give it to him, if you feel uncomfortable doing it in person there's no harm gettin a friend to help you pass it to him.

N imo, don't do the whole callin up ure RJ friend while his there thing to teach him a lesson, cause tryin to manipulate ppl\orchestrate results is only gonna make him feel bad
too yeah, n two wrongs dont make a right .. altho i knoe ure intentions r good.
instead perhaps jus say it to his face, bout how u feel he doesn't cherish those who care bout
him etc etc. n dont feel bad whether he gives a -.- face or a face or whatever.

neways I think it's great ur headin out somewhere (sgc in this case) to try n get some
inputs n figure things out. that's always better than doin things on a whim like
goin thru with suicidal thoughts or 'extreme' measures

[estrellaz]

Obviously he hasn't treasured you as much as you have. Please do yourself a favor and let him go. He's only turned back to you time and time again just to make use of you, gain some of your sympathy and a lot of your attention. When it comes to good times, he sure doesn't remember you much.

Don't let yourself fall into his death trap again. You've given him plenty of chances and ended up being the one so hurt. If he comes knocking again, kick his sorry little butt out the window.

Protect yourself because he obviously hasn't been protecting your heart.

As for your little jar of stars... keep it for yourself. =] You will be needing it. Stop thinking about him for a sec and think about yourself. You deserve it!

(You know where to find me if you want someone to talk to )