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Old 31st December 2009, 12:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I don't know what to do...

I think I'm stuck in the worst situation ever.

I had a boyfriend, R, for almost 4 years and he broke up with me earlier this year when he went back to Australia for university and to pursue his career in modeling. His reason was that he felt a relationship wasn't a priority at that point in his life. R was everything I wanted, or everything most girls would die for; Good looks (half caucasian, half chinese), very rich (bought me anything and everything I wanted and didn't want), made me feel very secure, drove me anywhere and everywhere, etc (I could go on and on). My heart was broken completely and I was really depressed when we broke up... I couldn't eat for a long time and I went out drinking almost every night with my girlfriends.

Then one night at a bar, me and my girlfriend were drinking. I was very down because R called me that day and said that he was dating someone new. My girlfriend had to leave suddenly halfway through drinking and I was there alone. I got so emo thinking about everything to do with R that tears were rolling down my cheeks and sobbing a little bit at the corner of the bar. It was quite empty there that night and I was trying to hide my tears so I was quite invisible in my corner, maybe about 8 or 9 customers and 2 musicians who were performing. Then out of the blue, I heard a voice saying 'Hey girl, don't cry. I hope this song can make you smile and make you feel better, even if its just for awhile'... It was a damn loud voice lah. Turned out to be the guitarist/singer, D, talking to me through his mic. I was damn pai seh that he had to announce to everybody that I was crying and that he had noticed me doing so. He went on to play and sing for me and it did make me smile and feel much better...

And yes, he became my boyfriend. We've been together for 3 months plus now. He does not have model looks like R. But he has the scruffy, laid back musician look. He isn't rich at all. He works in the music line and earns peanuts compared to what R has. He doesn't own a car. BUT, he is so very talented (plays so many musical instruments and has the nicest voice) and smart and funny. He is the chilled out sort who just hangs out easy and does everything in his own unique way. He makes me laugh and listens to me and loves me so much.

BUT 1 month into my relationship with D, R told me that he just couldn't forget me and his feelings for me haven't faded one bit and he wants me back together with him. I couldn't say no. So for the past 2 months plus, I have been cheating on D in so many ways. I even flew to Australia for 5 days to be with R. And during this 2 months, I applied to the same uni as R and I got accepted. I have already bought my ticket to go to Australia in January. I never said anything to D and carried on our relationship. He trusts me completely. But I just love R more than I love D. I think I've been using D for this 2 months and I am definitely going to Australia to be with R.

My problem now is that I don't know how to tell D about everything. Nobody wants to help me tell D about it and many of my friends are angry with me over the way I've been cheating on D.

I don't know what to do now...

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Old 31st December 2009, 01:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

i know that breaking up with mr.d sounds so wrong ..... since he is so good to you , but being with him like this is even worse and it is not fair for both of you . so the best thing right now is to break up with him . although i don't like the way mr.r treated you (especially when he said he doesn't want a relationship and then immediately dates another girl ) if you think that he is the one and he will never do this again to you then go ahead and be with him.... that's all i could advice you

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Old 31st December 2009, 02:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

Ever heard of this saying ?
"Marry someone who loves you more than you do, not someone whom you love more than he does."

I know this ain't about marriage, but i think you should think it over.
While R is dating some other girl out there, i don't see the point why he should take the trouble to even ring you up and tell you that, "hey i'm dating some babe here".

Like what ?
Is he trying to show-off or something ?

Once bitten twice shy eh.

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Old 31st December 2009, 11:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

since ur love life alr sound like it's in a mess, i think it's too lateto judge what's right and what's wrong. if i were u i would be very skeptical with R. I always have this feeling that "once a cheater, always a cheater." because that's really so around me. and furthermore u say, R is the kind with everything and every girl's dream guy, it's likely that girls would throw themselves at him and hence he has more opportunity to cheat as well.

perhaps take a break from r/s a while to clear your mind. they would wait if they really like you. ur life sound like romance drama. i guess if D is able to spot you and sing to you in a bar, you must be quite pretty or else guys won't bother doing that.

good luck whatever you choose to do.

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Old 31st December 2009, 11:35 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

like the person above said, i think u must be a pretty girl with plenty of options available. but that gives u no right to do what u've been doing to D. if u know ur oredi going to be with R, den let D go and give other girls who are serious about him to be with him.

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Old 31st December 2009, 11:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

it isn't worth it going back to an old love.

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Old 31st December 2009, 11:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

Gal, it's your life and ultimately you make the decision, regardless of how people view you or your choice.

Personally though, I feel that it's not worth getting back with R. Have you thought of why he wanted you back? Could it be that things didn't work out with the new babe and he felt that you were better, so he wants you back? In that case, are you going to be thrown out of his life again once he finds another girl he thinks is better than you? By going back to him now, you are telling him that "hey, it's ok to throw me aside and take me back when you're done with another girl." And it is very likely that this cycle will occur again.

On the other hand, it's is extremely unfair, what you're doing to D. From your description, he's a great guy who doesn't deserve this sort of treatment. If you've decided to go with R, make a clean break with him and tell him the truth. It might hurt now, but it's better than hurting him more later.

One more option you have is this: It is pretty clear that your feelings are mixed up at this point in time. Why not take a break from the both of them? Tell R that you need to consider things over - buying time might show his true colours too. Tell D that you need time to get over R, and see how things go. Sometimes, it's better to take a step back.. you'll see things in a clearer light soon.

Whatever you do, all the best to you.

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Old 31st December 2009, 12:01 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

I think R is just using u as a temporary placeholder until he finds someone new. Its obvious he has this need to be attached all the time and when he broke up with u, he went to another girl. Now that he has broken up with the other girl, he wants u back...until he finds someone new. And here u are going to Australia to be with him and applying the same Uni. Don't be silly girl, just get over him. And I don't think u love D at all because if u really do, u wouldn't be doing this to him.

What you're doing now is very unfair to D. U got hurt by R before, and you're essentially hurting D. You should know full well what it feels like to get hurt in a r/s, so why are u doing the same to D? And another thing is that assuming R has no money, no looks, no car, but has the same personality and everything else. Would u be attracted to him?

What you're doing now is choosing between someone with personality and someone with money. Because the good things u described about R are very shallow stuff like looks and money. I don't know, if u feel that you're willing to give R another chance and hope that he don't pull off the same trick again, go ahead, BUT be fair to D and let him know your intentions. I'm sure if R had been cheating on u behind your back you would be devastated.

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Old 31st December 2009, 12:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

please be sweeter and kinder to D by breaking up with him clean.. don need the hurtful truth.. juz tells him u doesnt love him at all and u are going overseas to study liao..

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Old 31st December 2009, 01:36 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: I don't know what to do...

i think you should think carefully 1st...what if R does the same thing to u next time?
If he can do that to you w/o much hard feelings then i think you will need to rethink the situation...and most probably you don't really like D because maybe he was nice to you and he was like your lifebouy i don't mean to sound so blunt or anything just hope you really think it through before making another wrong move...good luck gal

by the way i totally agree with allycat
and please don't just fully listen to your heart or fully listen to your brain thots...have it balanced out

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