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Old 22nd October 2011, 02:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

One Word Essay"Changed"

One day, when I was a freshman in secondary school,

I saw a boy from my class was walking home from school.

His name was Tom.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?

He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned.Japanese buffet with my family and playing basketball with my friends, so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of senior students running towards him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. "

They really should get lives.

" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"

There was a big smile on his face.

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.

He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little basketball with my friends

He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Tom, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Tom with the huge stack of books again.

I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!

" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Tom and I became best friends.

When we were seniors we began to think about polytechnic.

Tom decided on Singapore Polytechnic and I was going to Ngee Ann Polytechnic.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.

He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on Hotel & Tourism Management.

Tom was valedictorian of our class.

I teased him all the time about being a nerd.

He had to prepare a speech for graduation.

I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak

Graduation day, I saw Tom.

He looked great.

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.

He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.


Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.

" Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.

He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully, I was saved.

My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions.

With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

For better or for worse.

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Old 22nd October 2011, 07:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Is this just a formatting problem or are you not writing in paragraphs? It makes it seem as if you cannot organise your essay and the flow is also pretty disjointed. In fact are you actually writing an essay?

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Old 22nd October 2011, 08:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Agreed. By the way, I have seen a very similar essay before; its quite a well known motivational piece. You might want to change the storyline a bit more if you insist on using it.

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Old 22nd October 2011, 10:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Lols read this story before. Was in my O levels guide books i brought from Popular.

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Old 22nd October 2011, 10:51 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

I think most people will recognize that essay. I'm not sure if you'll be penalized for that...

I suppose the plot is there. But it could be more fluently expressed?

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Old 23rd October 2011, 12:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

DID YOU JUST COPY AND PASTE FROM SOMEWHERE OMG

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Old 23rd October 2011, 01:31 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Originally Posted by swordfish00 View Post
I think most people will recognize that essay. I'm not sure if you'll be penalized for that...

I suppose the plot is there. But it could be more fluently expressed?
yeah even I have read it from somewhere maybe a slightly different version.

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Old 23rd October 2011, 02:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

copy and paste essays sure will get fail grade.
it's the same with plagiarism, won't get you anywhere.
0/30.
F9.

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Old 23rd October 2011, 06:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by 2x2e2n View Post
copy and paste essays sure will get fail grade.
it's the same with plagiarism, won't get you anywhere.
0/30.
F9.
That was harsh. F9! Lol.

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Old 25th October 2011, 06:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Originally Posted by limtata View Post
That was harsh. F9! Lol.
yah.
put in no effort, marker also put in no effort to award marks lo.
hahaa

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Old 25th October 2011, 12:10 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I read this compo before and my friend memorised it and edit and make changes..he scored about 22 I think..but anyw..u having paragraphing mistakes?

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Old 25th October 2011, 12:21 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Originally Posted by 2x2e2n View Post
copy and paste essays sure will get fail grade.
it's the same with plagiarism, won't get you anywhere.
0/30.
F9.
Actually, I disagree. Memorizing essays is a somewhat approved method especially for weaker students. As long as the examination takes place in a controlled setting, I believe cambridge would give credit Based on language and content, regardless of whether the marker has seen the piece before or not

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Old 25th October 2011, 12:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Originally Posted by sweetlemon View Post
Actually, I disagree. Memorizing essays is a somewhat approved method especially for weaker students. As long as the examination takes place in a controlled setting, I believe cambridge would give credit Based on language and content, regardless of whether the marker has seen the piece before or not
so they dun care about plagiarism?

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Old 25th October 2011, 12:43 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Classic example of a typical factual account.

Just need to change the name of the schools to local yeah.

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Old 27th October 2011, 05:27 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Originally Posted by sweetlemon View Post
Actually, I disagree. Memorizing essays is a somewhat approved method especially for weaker students. As long as the examination takes place in a controlled setting, I believe cambridge would give credit Based on language and content, regardless of whether the marker has seen the piece before or not
approved by who? cambridge or seab?
never read of that before...can post a link or something?
thanks.

if TS used the model essay as the foundation n improve on it, putting effort, making it his, i would gladly give him marks. model essays may be the starting point but it cannot be the ending point. one thing about model essays is that they don't grab attention like how an original writing does. cambridge markers would be experienced enough to know the difference. anyway, i understand olevels english papers r done. so...gd luck to everyone taking olevels this yr. focus on other subs.

cheers.

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Old 27th October 2011, 06:24 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

then, can it be inspired by xxx's essays?

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Old 27th October 2011, 08:40 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Don't copy essays, it is really an insult to your own creativity and imagination.

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Old 9th November 2011, 05:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: Mark my English Essay total 30 marks!!

Did you plagiarised? Even if you did, I expect you to at least modify the contents and put more effort to your writing. The essay has absolutely little to no flow to it.

I'd give it a 12/30. Also, plagiarism will lead you to further deduction of marks which leaves you only a 2/30.

Cheers!

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Because in truth, I am that monster."

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