[roxiss]

往往许多人在抉择伴侣时，容易东想西想，不知所措，就是因为害怕一时做错决定，看错人，造成终 生的遗憾。

诺贝尔文学奖得主萧伯纳说：「此时此刻在地球上，约有两万个人适合当你的人生伴侣，就看你先遇到哪一个，如 果在第二个理想伴侣出现之前，你已经跟前一个人发展出相知相惜、互相信赖的深层关系，那后者就会变成你的好 朋友，但是若你跟前一个人没有培养出深层关系，感情就容易动摇、变心，直到你与这些理想伴侣候选人的其中一 位拥有稳固的深情，才是幸福的开始，漂泊的结束」

爱上一个人不需要靠努力，只需要靠「际遇」，是上天的安排，但是「持续地爱一个人」就要靠「努力」，在爱情 的经营中，顺畅运转的要素就是沟通、体谅、包容与自制(面临诱惑有所自制)。有许多人总是为「际遇」所迷惑 与苦恼，意念不停、欲念不断、争逐不散，而忘了培养经营感情的能力才是幸福的关键。

所以不要去追问到底谁才是我的Mr. Right，而是要问说在眼前的伴侣关系中，我能努力到什么程度、成长到什么程度，若没有培养出经营幸福的 能力，就算真的 Mr. Right出现在你身边，幸福依然会错过的，而活在犹疑与遗憾当中，这不就是许多「爱情虚无症」的遭遇与心 态吗？

若你此刻已有一位长久相伴的伴侣，不要再随便三心二意地犹疑了，我们往往不易察觉感情中的一个陷阱，就是「 近亲生慢侮」，也就是经济学中的铁律「边际效益递减法则」，跟你在一起越久的人，就越容易麻木与忽视，而新 鲜的「际遇」总是那么动人可爱。

在感情对待中，难免有摩擦与无心的伤害，而且论得罪自己的次数累加起来最多的人，当然是跟我们在一起最久、 最亲近的人。而新欢呢，又还没开始有得罪你的机会，再加上他的刻意讨好，所以新欢怎么看怎么可爱，旧爱怎么 看怎么讨厌。

但别忘了，新欢身上总是有不确定的未知数，旧爱身上就是有难得的熟悉感、确定感、信赖感。千万不要随便在偶 然的「际遇」中迷失了自己，错放了幸福温暖的手。

所以萧伯纳的话，是要提醒情人不要太钻牛角尖于寻觅那唯一，应该把精神用在学会经营幸福的能力上，同时也提 醒我们「溺水三千只取一瓢饮」若有幸遇到了难得的伴侣，就不要再三心二意了，因为我们永远不知道一生何时会 遇到两万个其中的几个 ，所以要知福惜福 、活在当下

勇气 (A meaning chinese song by Fish Leong)

终于作了这个决定 别人怎么说我不理

只要你也一样的肯定 我愿意天涯海角都随你去

我知道一切不容易 我的心一直温习说服自己

最怕你忽然说要放弃 爱真的需要勇气来面对流言蜚语

只要你一个眼神肯定 我的爱就有意义

我们都需要勇气 去相信会在一起

人潮拥挤我能感觉你 放在我手心里你的真心

[Shyraiiyann]

made my hair stand as i read it.

very true,
many ppl starts out in express train but no longer knows wad they are lookin for, to love is easy, to hold on, and continue loving, is another thing

[uyen]

:mellow3: 很有意义的文章，有时候。。太多顾虑，也会错过难得的机会。谢谢哦。

[genzo2106]

very meaningful and narrative piece of article.thanks for sharing

[silencedreamer]

thanks for sharing
i'll definitely work harder to keep the love going..

[legend]

Originally Posted by roxiss

在感情对待中，难免有摩擦与无心的伤害，而且论得罪自己的次数累加起来最多的人，当然是跟我们 在一起最久、 最亲近的人。而新欢呢，又还没开始有得罪你的机会，再加上他的刻意讨好，所以新欢怎么看怎么可 爱，旧爱怎么 看怎么讨厌。

但别忘了，新欢身上总是有不确定的未知数，旧爱身上就是有难得的熟悉感、确定感、信赖感。千万 不要随便在偶 然的「际遇」中迷失了自己，错放了幸福温暖的手。

this is quite true..

[wenchong1985]

:handsup:

[kkboy1]

sometimes when the fate comes. we just miss each other.

[chinkai]

Translation

For most people, when it comes to choosing a partner, they tend to get distracted by too many factors, and lose themselves in the process. Because of this fear of making the wrong decision, they end up making a wrong choice, and then regretting it for the rest of their lives.

1925 Nobel Prize in Literature laureate, George Bernard Shaw, once said, "At this very moment in time on Earth, there are about twenty thousand potential life partners for you, it just depends on which one you meet first. If, before the second such person appears, you have developed a deep trusting relationship with the first, then the latter shall become your good friend. Otherwise, your affections for the former will be easily swayed, until the moment when you have developed a stable relationship with one of them. Only then will the drifting end and the bliss begin."

(Note: This is not the exact saying, but a translation. If anyone knows what is the exact quotation, please post it here. Thank you!)

It does not take hard work to fall in love with someone; all you need is "Providence", that one special moment. However, to keep your love for someone going, you will definitely need to put in effort. For a romantic relationship to go smoothly, the key factors are communication, empathy, forbearance and self-control in the face of temptations. Many are led astray by what they think is "Providence" - in the incessant turmoil created by their ideas, desires and conflicts, they forget that the key to happiness is the ability to manage the relationship.

Therefore, do not ask yourself who your Mr. Right is; rather, the question is how much effort can you devote to the existing relationship, and how much it can progress. Without the know-how, happiness will elude you even if the right person were to appear before you, leaving you to dwell in your regrets. Isn't this the plight of most, if not all, of the victims living through a void in their love lives?

If you have a life partner right now, cast your doubts aside, and concentrate on cultivating the relationship. More often than not, we don't realise the presence of one great danger in relationships - the waning of emotions once the initial excitement wears off. This is akin to what we learn in economics as the Principle of Diminishing Factors. The longer time you spend with someone, the easier it is to become numb and neglect him/her, and to fall in love with "new experiences".

In a relationship, conflicts and hurt are inevitable. Think about it - more often than not, the people closest to you are those with whom you were guilty of causing them hurt the most. Your "new love" probably hasn't known you enough to offend you, and besides, the good feelings you have are more than likely to blind you to such.

Forget not that with someone new comes the factor of uncertainty. In the loved ones you know, there are the familiarity, the assuredness, the trust. Don't give up the happiness you have for something you found "in a moment of fate".

The words of George Bernard Shaw serve as a reminder - don't be so insistent on finding The One. Put that effort into nurturing the relationship. At the same time, remember that it is a blessing indeed to have been able to find your true love. Treasure him/her, for you never might be able to find another one.

To end, I shall share with you the lyrics of a meaningful song sung by Malaysian singer Fish Leong, titled "Courage".

勇气

终于作了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃

爱真的需要勇气 来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定 我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气 去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你 放在我手心里 你的真心

Having made up my mind
I shall not care about what others say
So long as you are devoted as I am
I'm willing to follow you to the ends of the earth
I know everything won't be easy
My heart is constantly keeping me going
But I fear you may suddenly decide to give up

In love, you will need all the courage to withstand the negative feelings
With your reassurance, my love for you shall be justified
We will need all the courage to believe that we shall be together
Even in the sea of humanity, I can feel your presence and emotions in my hands

(Note: Sorry for the bad translation of the song lyrics... >.<)

[roxiss]

thank you so much chinkai! good job :rock:

[chow_sw]

if u willing to share & sacrifice for the person, tat is the right 1

[fuyumi]

Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading it.