my friend's suffering!

**caline** · 16-12-2008, 03:23 PM

i'm seriously super pissed off now! is there really such a bf in the world?! i feel like killing him! how can he treat my friend this way?!

ok. so this happened on my best friend. she've been attached to her bf for coming 2 years. and throughout this 2 years, we seen her suffered like anything. we tried to talk to her, but no, it didn't help.

in fact, when they just got tgt, there's this thread in some forums posted by his ex-gf. basically, the ex-gf just wanted to warn ppl of his behavings, don't want anyone to fall for it anymore.( because he often goes online to know ppl. thats how he got to know my friend too.) but because we thought the ex-gf just wanted to win him back, we thought she's bullshitting!
but now, i know everything's real!

firstly, he disallow my friend to meet up with us! you know, whenever we ask her out for shopping, or celebrate birthdays, that guy would say "can you keep me company?" or just plainly say " i don't want you to go." wtf?! he's 28 this year but behaves like he's some 15 year old boy!

and then, he demands her to stay at his place, until 3 or 4 am before sending her home everyday. but she've got school in the mornings! the parents was really unhappy but because she loves him too much, she didn't care about the parents.

and he actually goes online to chat, ask girls for sex. yes! paying ppl $500 for one time! (my friend gotten his pw, and i saw those msgs with my own eyes!)and my friend's really sexy and pretty ok! i don't know why must he find someone else! but i think none of the girls agree with his deal.

and then, he hit her, slap her. yes! what a bastard right?! he deserve to die! and right now, my friend is still wounded. i wanted to bring her to the police! but she just refused because she loves him too much!

he even threathen to slap my friend in front of her mother! her mum got so furious and banned him from their house from then on. and my friend, being so stupd, went to stay at his place.

she quarreled countless times with her parents over him. and he don't even care! he just want her by his side! but then when my friend needs him, he don't even care!

and then you know, she gave my friend nothing for her birthdays! he said he's too busy with work. but **** it. we saw those pms he sent to to the girls. like he said he's too lonely during his 2 hours break, nothing to do, so ask girls to meet him up! wtf!?

and he've been jobless for 6 months! recently, he got one. but on that day when he's supposed to report to work, he told his boss he's sick. and then, the boss doesn't want him anymore. he actually blame my friend for this! saying he brought her bad luck! wtf!!!!

he's only holding a diploma, but he got such high expectations! come on! he don't even have much experience. those companies that wants him, is either he thinks the pay is too low, or he needs to travel alot. and he rejected them. he rather stay home and rot!

and my friend been paying for him ok! he car got towed away. and he got lots of debts. my friend been paying for their expenses, and all!

and now, he said he wants to leave her. too tired of loving her. saying she don't appreciate him. (wtf!? it's the other way ok!) and he need to sacrifice her for his future. because he says she bring bad luck to him!

i tell you, i seriously feel like going to his place and bush him up! or go scratch his car! he borrowed $$ from my friend to get the car back ok! ****er!

and now, my friend is sooo sad and don't know what to do! like, i know she's too blindly in love, thats why she's like so stupid now. can't wake up. she been crying to me and saying she wants him back. but i really don't know what to do anymore!

she've lost all her friends over this 2 years because of this bastard and she can only come to the few of us.

seriously, i feel like killing him lah!

arghhhhhhh!

now, i gonna head out to keep my friend company. hopefully, she can feel a bit better. sigh.

**plutoainaplanet** · 16-12-2008, 03:39 PM

From what you've shared either your friend has variation of stockholm's syndrome (victims syndrome\battered womens syndrome), or she enjoys the 'abuse' n bitchslaps.

Now that he's leaving, I think it's a blessing .. ask her to list down what she likes\dislikes about him.
To talk about how she feels about his behaviour (what u described) in the past?

How would she react\feel if a guy like that behaved in that manner to her daughter (so she
can see things from her parents perspective) and what would she say to a girl whose
in a situation like that (so she can see things from your'll [ her friends ] perspective) ..

**beyond** · 16-12-2008, 03:43 PM

this type of guy.. die liao no ppl will care sia....

------BBING · 16-12-2008, 03:48 PM

I think he can be sued for sexual harassment -.-

**Kenny88** · 16-12-2008, 03:54 PM

Sometimes i wonder y such a bad guy got such a chi qing de gal like him and xi shen so much..
While, those gd guys de feeling keep kana play by gals ?

ur fren is too deep in love..
show her more concern and care, talk to her more..
den slowly pull her out of tis r/s..
need alot of time n alot of patient.. hope ur fren will able b wake up n stand up !!

**Lancelot** · 16-12-2008, 03:56 PM

Or to put it simply, she loves the drama-generating cycle of pain and abuse. Smart people stay away from the fire because it can burn you, but there are some who would gladly remain in there because of the drama they can generate.

**Mister_Sinister** · 16-12-2008, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lancelot

Or to put it simply, she loves the drama-generating cycle of pain and abuse. Smart people stay away from the fire because it can burn you, but there are some who would gladly remain in there because of the drama they can generate.

Many are also afraid to leave the circle. Repeated circumstances that form a pattern can be drawn comfort from, even if the circumstances are those of abuse. People fear the unknown and stepping up far more than they fear fists and abuse. It is sad, but true.

**Lancelot** · 16-12-2008, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mister_Sinister

Many are also afraid to leave the circle. Repeated circumstances that form a pattern can be drawn comfort from, even if the circumstances are those of abuse. People fear the unknown and stepping up far more than they fear fists and abuse. It is sad, but true.

In some perspective, this is the only reality they know, and anyone who behaves contrary to that reality frightens them, which is why those 'rescue romance' drama shows only work as drama shows.

In the real world, these people are damaged goods, they are whacked from the beginning and it will only take the effort of serious psychotherapy and medication and counseling to readjust them back to a new and better reality.

So if your friend is that screwed up, just support her from the sidelines and don't involve yourself in it anymore, you're only going to make it worse by trying to shake up her reality, no matter how jacked it is now.

**caline** · 16-12-2008, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenny88

Sometimes i wonder y such a bad guy got such a chi qing de gal like him and xi shen so much..
While, those gd guys de feeling keep kana play by gals ?

ur fren is too deep in love..
show her more concern and care, talk to her more..
den slowly pull her out of tis r/s..
need alot of time n alot of patient.. hope ur fren will able b wake up n stand up !!

Quote:

Originally Posted by plutoainaplanet

From what you've shared either your friend has variation of stockholm's syndrome (victims syndrome\battered womens syndrome), or she enjoys the 'abuse' n bitchslaps.

Now that he's leaving, I think it's a blessing .. ask her to list down what she likes\dislikes about him.
To talk about how she feels about his behaviour (what u described) in the past?

How would she react\feel if a guy like that behaved in that manner to her daughter (so she
can see things from her parents perspective) and what would she say to a girl whose
in a situation like that (so she can see things from your'll [ her friends ] perspective) ..

i'll try ltr! hope it works. thanks!

**Mister_Sinister** · 16-12-2008, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lancelot

In some perspective, this is the only reality they know, and anyone who behaves contrary to that reality frightens them, which is why those 'rescue romance' drama shows only work as drama shows.

In the real world, these people are damaged goods, they are whacked from the beginning and it will only take the effort of serious psychotherapy and medication and counseling to readjust them back to a new and better reality.

So if your friend is that screwed up, just support her from the sidelines and don't involve yourself in it anymore, you're only going to make it worse by trying to shake up her reality, no matter how jacked it is now.

That, and also the fact that all realities are ultimately self-generated. People find any sort of challenge to their world-view, even if ultimately positive, a thing to be afraid of, as the world is far too massive and too involved for us to process it in its entirety. This forces our psychology to adjust to it by filtering data, and giving us a feeling of security in its filtrative abilities. However, these are not always positive, but even when challenged, the psychological reaction is always fear.

Practically all forms of social pressure feed on that fear - whether it's about coming out of the closet, leaving an abusive partner, being who you wanna be instead of who your folks want you to be... heck, even quitting a shitty job for a better one. This endless fear of breaking the circle, while irrational, is always present and constantly reinforced by those around us. We humans are a social animal, and any pack deviants are not liked.

**syncopation_m76** · 16-12-2008, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caline

i'm seriously super pissed off now! is there really such a bf in the world?! i feel like killing him! how can he treat my friend this way?!

ok. so this happened on my best friend. she've been attached to her bf for coming 2 years. and throughout this 2 years, we seen her suffered like anything. we tried to talk to her, but no, it didn't help.

in fact, when they just got tgt, there's this thread in some forums posted by his ex-gf. basically, the ex-gf just wanted to warn ppl of his behavings, don't want anyone to fall for it anymore.( because he often goes online to know ppl. thats how he got to know my friend too.) but because we thought the ex-gf just wanted to win him back, we thought she's bullshitting!
but now, i know everything's real!

firstly, he disallow my friend to meet up with us! you know, whenever we ask her out for shopping, or celebrate birthdays, that guy would say "can you keep me company?" or just plainly say " i don't want you to go." wtf?! he's 28 this year but behaves like he's some 15 year old boy!

and then, he demands her to stay at his place, until 3 or 4 am before sending her home everyday. but she've got school in the mornings! the parents was really unhappy but because she loves him too much, she didn't care about the parents.

and he actually goes online to chat, ask girls for sex. yes! paying ppl $500 for one time! (my friend gotten his pw, and i saw those msgs with my own eyes!)and my friend's really sexy and pretty ok! i don't know why must he find someone else! but i think none of the girls agree with his deal.

and then, he hit her, slap her. yes! what a bastard right?! he deserve to die! and right now, my friend is still wounded. i wanted to bring her to the police! but she just refused because she loves him too much!

he even threathen to slap my friend in front of her mother! her mum got so furious and banned him from their house from then on. and my friend, being so stupd, went to stay at his place.

she quarreled countless times with her parents over him. and he don't even care! he just want her by his side! but then when my friend needs him, he don't even care!

and then you know, she gave my friend nothing for her birthdays! he said he's too busy with work. but **** it. we saw those pms he sent to to the girls. like he said he's too lonely during his 2 hours break, nothing to do, so ask girls to meet him up! wtf!?

and he've been jobless for 6 months! recently, he got one. but on that day when he's supposed to report to work, he told his boss he's sick. and then, the boss doesn't want him anymore. he actually blame my friend for this! saying he brought her bad luck! wtf!!!!

he's only holding a diploma, but he got such high expectations! come on! he don't even have much experience. those companies that wants him, is either he thinks the pay is too low, or he needs to travel alot. and he rejected them. he rather stay home and rot!

and my friend been paying for him ok! he car got towed away. and he got lots of debts. my friend been paying for their expenses, and all!

and now, he said he wants to leave her. too tired of loving her. saying she don't appreciate him. (wtf!? it's the other way ok!) and he need to sacrifice her for his future. because he says she bring bad luck to him!

i tell you, i seriously feel like going to his place and bush him up! or go scratch his car! he borrowed $$ from my friend to get the car back ok! ****er!

and now, my friend is sooo sad and don't know what to do! like, i know she's too blindly in love, thats why she's like so stupid now. can't wake up. she been crying to me and saying she wants him back. but i really don't know what to do anymore!

she've lost all her friends over this 2 years because of this bastard and she can only come to the few of us.

seriously, i feel like killing him lah!

arghhhhhhh!

now, i gonna head out to keep my friend company. hopefully, she can feel a bit better. sigh.

such a unreasonable man ...
should suffocate to death by eating beancurd

**caline** · 16-12-2008, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beyond

this type of guy.. die liao no ppl will care sia....

ya. i think so too!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lancelot

In some perspective, this is the only reality they know, and anyone who behaves contrary to that reality frightens them, which is why those 'rescue romance' drama shows only work as drama shows.

In the real world, these people are damaged goods, they are whacked from the beginning and it will only take the effort of serious psychotherapy and medication and counseling to readjust them back to a new and better reality.

So if your friend is that screwed up, just support her from the sidelines and don't involve yourself in it anymore, you're only going to make it worse by trying to shake up her reality, no matter how jacked it is now.

ya. i hope she can really wake up too. though i know it's really hard. she even tell me she want go temple pray for that guy's future. -.-

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mister_Sinister

Many are also afraid to leave the circle. Repeated circumstances that form a pattern can be drawn comfort from, even if the circumstances are those of abuse. People fear the unknown and stepping up far more than they fear fists and abuse. It is sad, but true.

wha.... really? ):

Quote:

Originally Posted by ------BBING

I think he can be sued for sexual harassment -.-

yea. im thinking of doing so! that bastard! for then again, i don't have the evidence?

**Kenny88** · 16-12-2008, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caline

ya. i hope she can really wake up too. though i know it's really hard. she even tell me she want go temple pray for that guy's future. -.-

wah.. i so hope tat a gal will go temple pray for my future too sia..

**Lex.limhwee** · 16-12-2008, 04:31 PM

Lmao, why girls can be so crazed over such guys so much?

**friendshipz** · 16-12-2008, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lex.limhwee

Lmao, why girls can be so crazed over such guys so much?

there has been cases where 16 yr old boy committed suicide because of someone he loved so much.. :/

i am very curious how that guy looks like, Ts, any idea where can we see his profile or pic? lol

**Mister_Sinister** · 16-12-2008, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caline

wha.... really? ):

Yeah, really. Simply put, human psychology is based upon repetitive patterns allowing us to autopilot through life. If those patterns are disrupted, our mind engages into lockdown mode, clicking into fear, because then it forces us to react and think, rather than just breeze through. This is due to the world being an informational and emotional overload, particularly during modern times.

**SwiftFeather** · 16-12-2008, 04:53 PM

You should have a heart-to-heart talk with her...
Telling her to realise that he is not the best guy by letting her make some NICE guy friends that UNDERSTANDS her. That way, maybe she'll finally let go of that b** and fall in love with a more proper guy that will take care of her.

Make sure she finds the right person - her true knight would be able to save her.

**Mister_Sinister** · 16-12-2008, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwiftFeather

You should have a heart-to-heart talk with her...
Telling her to realise that he is not the best guy by letting her make some NICE guy friends that UNDERSTANDS her. That way, maybe she'll finally let go of that b** and fall in love with a more proper guy that will take care of her.

Make sure she finds the right person - her true knight would be able to save her.

This course of action will have the reverse effect. Don't try and break a reality - it will NOT go down well 90% of the time.

**kbfgrace** · 16-12-2008, 04:57 PM

there are all sorts of guys ard..

**SwiftFeather** · 16-12-2008, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mister_Sinister

This course of action will have the reverse effect. Don't try and break a reality - it will NOT go down well 90% of the time.

Did it fail for you?
It is one of the most effective ways. Her relationship is so one-sided I couldn't stand it.
And didn't she mention that her friend was SEXY and BEAUTIFUL?
Many other guys would fall for her too. So, i rekoned she might have 90 % chance of succeeding better than others.

EDIT: AND what exactly is the reverse effect? That sex-maniac will come back and ambush her for choosing another person? Or she'll kill herself because SOMEONE wanted to find her friends? Its weird you'd say that.

(Sorry if i sound too cynical)