My Husband Did It Again!

**magdalene** · 03-05-2009, 07:46 PM

When my daughter was 3, my husband suddenly became very hostile and nasty towards me. Ignoring my stress and depressive state, he asked for divorce putting all blame on me. He claimed that was no third party. However, I chanced upon him with another woman less than 3 months later while on a overseas trip with my daughter to try to forget things. One year after our separation, he pleaded us to return saying he missed us and has not been happy during the year we separated. For the sake of my daughter, I returned. He was nice to me again annd we went on to have 2 boys. He then asked me to quit my job to look after the children so that he can have peace of mind. He promised to give me an allowance equivalent to my salary. Over the years, we drifted apart again. Now, with my youngest 8 years old, he started becoming nasty. Recently, making use of my row with my daughter, he switched his monthly salary from crediting into our joint account to his own personal account. He even refused to pay for my children's purchases paid by visa under my name. I think his intention is to force me to use up the savings in our joint account. I also discovered photographs of sex acts in his thumbdrive. My maid told me he's condoms in his car too.

Should I divorce him or continue to live for my children? Some of you might have read my thread under A Broken Hearted Mum. I'm feeling so insecure now. I've not worked for 11 years and only has a O level cert. 0 CPF to purchase a flat as my husband used up all my CPF for the flat we are currently living in. No relatives to turn to, too. Haiz, I'm feeling so helpless and insecure now.

**SugarFree** · 03-05-2009, 07:51 PM

How old are you now..? It is never to late to get out and learn some skills and work..

Any question, do you still love him?

Willing to forgive him?

kdwdybswy · 03-05-2009, 08:00 PM

I am quite glad to hear from you once again but I must say that never give up! no matter what, you have childrens now, NEVER ever think of giving up.

I really think that there's no point for you to give him a chance again, which you already did but he didn't cherish. I believe that you have a high chance of winning if this is brought to court.

nugget · 03-05-2009, 08:06 PM

if you divorce him and you have evidence of his affairs, you can get alimony from him.
otherwise, have a talk with him and settle nicely,if he is still not giving you allowance, you can go to court.

Stuoid_Panda · 03-05-2009, 08:09 PM

Hav try to go to the family service centre for help?

they hav more experiences counseler which can better advise u then all of us.
we hav no experience n most here r still single n some even r below 21

**e54321** · 03-05-2009, 08:15 PM

Divorce with him and get alimony from him. Such man isn't worth it. He done it twice, and he will sure do it more next time as he know you will forgive him. Stay strong!

**HIPPO93** · 03-05-2009, 08:17 PM

now what you should do is to talk to him calmy. but if he doesnt listen try to put up as long as possible, if he does not get too nasty like hurting you physically then it is okay. for the sake of ur children put up with him. i advice u to secretely learn skills to upgrade yourself for the day of divorce.

Maybe your husband is having some mental problems that explained why he is being nasty. it maybe due to stress from work that cause some mental problems which always caused family problems. search for information on different types of mental illness and observed him actions carefully. if he has most of the symptons of mental illness, he most likely may be having a mental problem.

**Lambo_san** · 03-05-2009, 08:24 PM

grab and collect enough envidence that he have been mistreated you..
then divorce him and take what you deserved..
i believe people would help you if you are really on financial needs..

**W1ll** · 03-05-2009, 08:24 PM

the choices are very simple.
loves him = forgive him
hates him = divorce and get alimony from him while u start yr new life again by working. You can use those

**christinyn** · 03-05-2009, 08:26 PM

maybe u should find another better parther alr

**W1ll** · 03-05-2009, 08:26 PM

the choices are very simple.
loves him = forgive him
hates him = divorce and get alimony from him while u start yr new life again by working. You can use those photos in the thumb drive as evident as why u wan to divorce with him. Seek a lawyer who will advice u n help you can more benefit when u are divorce.

I hate guys who dont support the family and keep making the women suffer.

crystal1993 · 03-05-2009, 08:28 PM

your husband is a jerk. ==''

**whitecat** · 08-05-2009, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by magdalene

When my daughter was 3, my husband suddenly became very hostile and nasty towards me. Ignoring my stress and depressive state, he asked for divorce putting all blame on me. He claimed that was no third party. However, I chanced upon him with another woman less than 3 months later while on a overseas trip with my daughter to try to forget things. One year after our separation, he pleaded us to return saying he missed us and has not been happy during the year we separated. For the sake of my daughter, I returned. He was nice to me again annd we went on to have 2 boys. He then asked me to quit my job to look after the children so that he can have peace of mind. He promised to give me an allowance equivalent to my salary. Over the years, we drifted apart again. Now, with my youngest 8 years old, he started becoming nasty. Recently, making use of my row with my daughter, he switched his monthly salary from crediting into our joint account to his own personal account. He even refused to pay for my children's purchases paid by visa under my name. I think his intention is to force me to use up the savings in our joint account. I also discovered photographs of sex acts in his thumbdrive. My maid told me he's condoms in his car too.

Should I divorce him or continue to live for my children? Some of you might have read my thread under A Broken Hearted Mum. I'm feeling so insecure now. I've not worked for 11 years and only has a O level cert. 0 CPF to purchase a flat as my husband used up all my CPF for the flat we are currently living in. No relatives to turn to, too. Haiz, I'm feeling so helpless and insecure now.

It wld b best 2 gather yrself up n independent. How??

Start by finding a job which will help financially for start. Seek WDA assistances. They hv good & reliable employment resources.
Hv a final spouse confrontation thru family counselling. This is 2 safeguard backfires (if any) shd yr husband denies claims. It wld not deem fit 2 live on 2gether.
Mentally prepared acting as father-cum-mother role 2 yr children. It wld not b easy 1,2,3.

File court order 4 children alimony. Remember, priorities of children custody depends alot on yr potential status means 2 feed them. A working mother definitely overcomes an unemployed 1.

If intend divorce, do it fast. U need d 'Letter of Decree'. Tis very important 4 yr own flat purchase. Dun worry, HDB hv special schemes for such cases. As 4 $$, once current flat sold, u hv yr fair share (provided u also hv contributed accordingly though)

All abv is rather tedious n stressful. Be strong n yr future days wil b brighter. B happy & keep Smiling...

**cxyuan** · 28-05-2009, 03:51 PM

the ending can only be one.. like everyone had suggested.. get the evidence and fight for all the assets... the reason you are fighting is not for urself, but for ur children... no point sticking with this kind of guy.. do wat u must... we are always here for you..

**lovewendy** · 28-05-2009, 03:59 PM

im sorry to hear about that...

please be strong

do you have any skills? go get a job first. be financially secured before you file for divorce. otherwise, you might nt get your children's custody.
is the house under both names? don worry, sell the house away. both of you can split.
you can then purchase another new flat under govt scheme.

everything is possible as long as you have determination.
please brace yourself up!

**Peuan Sanit** · 29-05-2009, 01:32 PM

Whatever you do, do consider it properly before making any hasty decision.

You have to consider the fact that the children will up growing up without one of their parents.

The decision to file for divorce or not is entirely up to you. The innocent parties are your children.

I would recommend that both of you sit down and have a heart to heart talk and even if that fails, can a marriage counsellor to sit in and advise.

**kohht** · 29-05-2009, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystal1993

your husband is a jerk. ==''

true! his a jerk!

This kind of man not worth to be, he also promise you he will give you allowance but it happen again, he break your promise le, so why still want be with him? leave him don't fall into his trap.

**rainbi** · 29-05-2009, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peuan Sanit

Whatever you do, do consider it properly before making any hasty decision.

You have to consider the fact that the children will up growing up without one of their parents.

The decision to file for divorce or not is entirely up to you. The innocent parties are your children.

I would recommend that both of you sit down and have a heart to heart talk and even if that fails, can a marriage counsellor to sit in and advise.

If i were TS kid, i will not want my parents to divorce too.
no matter what happen i oso dun wan my parents to divorce.
please plan and sort it out with ur partner..

**startherage** · 30-05-2009, 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by W1ll

the choices are very simple.
loves him = forgive him
hates him = divorce and get alimony from him while u start yr new life again by working. You can use those photos in the thumb drive as evident as why u wan to divorce with him. Seek a lawyer who will advice u n help you can more benefit when u are divorce.

I hate guys who dont support the family and keep making the women suffer.

sry to say na.. errr.. hw u say it, its abit extreme norx.. lmao!
i duno wad to say.. like wad they say u can so for social counsellors na.. lolx! i juz wanna tell u my family stuff for u to "Chan kao"

As my dad kinda go prositutes w/o letting my mum noes for YEARS.. n she did think of divorcing.. For my mum case, wif the fact tt her children has grown up and at least has the ability to earn n pay for our own expenses na.. So i tell my mum, if u really tired of tis n u wanna release urself thru divorcin, i will support u! *cos i cant accept my dad went for chicken also, so i support my mum*
But of cos, my mum din divorce wif my dad, cos my mum is tt kind of person will think of MANY things de.. lolx!

As for ur case, provided ur children are still young and immature.. if u choose divorce this path, im sure tt ur children will b affected norx.. As children need luv frm father n mother.. i scare, u might end up dun let ur child see their papa.. lolx! Sry to b offence in sayin such things na...

From wad i gt to noe, if ur children are tt kind understanding de, they might grow up VERY fast in MENTALLY na..
if nt, they might nt gt to trust ppl easily, helpless or hav some mre kinds of side effects na.. u might be able to see in tis "Family Affairs" forum norx.. n provided, if u choose to divorce, then u hav to get prepared of fighting the custody of children, n start getting a job norx.. N hav to spend nite time wif ur kids as well, at least gt to cook 1 meal for them everyday na.. *at least they can feel ur luv when they are growin*

As if u r goin to choose nt to divorce, i think its beta if u can talk to ur husband calmly.. when talkin to him, u try to keep ur cool.. if nt wif 2 hot-headed ppl, theres onli crashes n arguement, nth can be done.. n u hav to make him understand hw u felt abt wad he has been doin hurts u..
*pls use talkin method, dun ever try goin to hav a man outside too.. cos when my dad goes on prositutes, im disappionted in him.. dun make ur children feel the same towards u.. ur children might choose to keep themselves away from u.. n my Ex-ErShen, went to try havin a man outside, n my cousins hav tryin to avoid her AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE after their parents divorce.. its a rather sad thing to see na..*

if he choose to turn a blind eye towards u, then i guess u might hav to find someone who can talk to him in a way tt ur hubby can accept.. If nt, u can onli choose to close 1 eye, open 1 eye towards wad u hubby is doin, which as a woman i think its inbearable.. x.x

U r once a child too, so u can put urself in the shoes of ur children ABIT~
N its ur path of life na.. Ppl here onli can give u advises, but nt choosing hw u goin to walk ur life.. N hereby i onli can tell u to think of consequences that ur choices might be norx..

jia you o!

Guyz n gals, who encourage to divorce, its nt tt i wanna Smash u on wad u say na.. but can u really b there when she needs $$ for fightin children's custody?? Cos sometimes moral suppport is nt enuff for someone who is a mother of many children.. n even moral support for her children??
End up who really can helps her, is herself, her parents n her family/friends.. Cos we cant really "always b there" for her ma.. We has been in a childhood/been thru being a child b4.. Can u even imagine, if ur parents get to divorce, hw would u feel?? to noe beta, u can get someone who is from broken family, n ask them hw they feel?? I can say they would feel helpless/angry abt their parents/or even mre negative feelings, which we nvr noe norx..

**-chocomint** · 30-05-2009, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rainbi

If i were TS kid, i will not want my parents to divorce too.
no matter what happen i oso dun wan my parents to divorce.
please plan and sort it out with ur partner..

I agree. I'm still a kid too, more or less. & I definitely don't want my parents to be divorced. No matter what. You should try to hold your marriage together. If really cant, then explain to your kids. They will understand (: