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Old 21st June 2010, 09:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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parents, your opinions!

I have a female friend who has a curfew of 6-7pm, and to add on, her parents dislike her going out. Due to this curfew she looks to me like a caged animal; cannot go out with friends . To me, I also have much difficulties trying to ask her out...

I was just wondering, despite her parents' concerns of her safety, why impose such a strict curfew that demands her "freedom" ? I feel that such freedom should not be compromised for safety. Besides, we are in Singapore!

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Old 21st June 2010, 09:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

As our singapore police force likes to say, low crime doesn't mean no crime.

Much as you would want your female friend to come out, if you truly care about her as a friend, you won't want her to go back home late either. 6-7pm is not lack of freedom for your information.

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Old 21st June 2010, 09:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

can i ask whats her age ?

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Old 21st June 2010, 09:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

she is 15. Well, she wants to go out, but due to this, she cannot. Isn't this a lack of freedom to do what
one wishes to do ?

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Old 21st June 2010, 09:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

15 and u're talking about lack of freedom?
for me, i wasnt allowed to go out by myself until i was 13. even then, for weekdays i have to go home directly after sch, and even if i went out i would have to be back home by dinnertime.

perhaps wait a few more years before talking about having more freedom?

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Old 21st June 2010, 09:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

Girls ma, parents are more worried for girls. Guys have lesser curfew issues than girls. She will get more freedom as she grows older ;D

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Old 21st June 2010, 09:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

Well dorae178, for me, I was allowed to go out without any restrictions when I was 13.
That might be the reason why I feel such curfews are unnecessary.

A few years ? I feel that the curfew should be lifted now so that she can develop
that sense of responsibility that comes along with her parents' trust. Keeping her
home will not be able to help much though in this sense... So even in the future,
won't it be the same? She still has to learn to fend for herself, organize her own time
to reach home earlier. Why not learn now ?

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Old 21st June 2010, 09:54 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

thats really early >< brave de hua talk or ask her parents? o.o =|


Last edited by Lebuz; 21st June 2010 at 09:55 PM.
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Old 21st June 2010, 09:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

Wats curfew

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Old 21st June 2010, 09:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

I'm really in no position to negotiate with her parents. Just a friend though...

coconutr33 added 1 Minutes and 50 Seconds later...

oh ELLO, it is a allocated time where you have to reach home before.


Last edited by coconutr33; 21st June 2010 at 09:59 PM. Reason: Post Bumping
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Old 21st June 2010, 10:06 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

To be frank, a 15-year-old has very little business being out past about 7pm, save for the odd CCA event. What will she do -- clubbing and pubbing, watch R(A) movies? There isn't anything that can't be done before dusk, really.

And yes, parents tend to be more protective of girls -- but that concern is justified, because young females are over-represented as victims of crimes like molest, rape and robbery. Freedom, I might remind you, also includes freedom from violence and indignity. A scan through the daily newspapers will suffice to remind us that Singapore isn't entirely a safe haven.

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Old 21st June 2010, 11:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

Originally Posted by la_nausee View Post
To be frank, a 15-year-old has very little business being out past about 7pm, save for the odd CCA event. What will she do -- clubbing and pubbing, watch R(A) movies? There isn't anything that can't be done before dusk, really.

And yes, parents tend to be more protective of girls -- but that concern is justified, because young females are over-represented as victims of crimes like molest, rape and robbery. Freedom, I might remind you, also includes freedom from violence and indignity. A scan through the daily newspapers will suffice to remind us that Singapore isn't entirely a safe haven.
eat dinner ?

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Old 21st June 2010, 11:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

mebbe they are protecting her from you

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Old 21st June 2010, 11:45 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

She is still young. Parents are of course protective. You can always ask her out on weekends.

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Old 22nd June 2010, 07:08 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

TS, you see, you want her to be able to go out past 7pm, it's what you want, but you have never stopped to ask what the parents want and why the parents want her to be home by 7pm.

You only think about your own needs and your own wants, same thing for her.

Teenagers only think about their own rights, their own freedom, but never once do you all think about the responsibilities that comes along with the freedom and consequences that entails.

While I agree that she should be given a bit more leeway, but it's precisely because of friends like you who have no sense of responsibility that her parents would find it difficult to trust her.

FYI, when I was 15, although my parents have never given me any kind of strict curfew, I always return home by 7pm and I'm a guy. So what is the problem here?

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Old 22nd June 2010, 10:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

Originally Posted by Locutus View Post
TS, you see, you want her to be able to go out past 7pm, it's what you want, but you have never stopped to ask what the parents want and why the parents want her to be home by 7pm.

You only think about your own needs and your own wants, same thing for her.

Teenagers only think about their own rights, their own freedom, but never once do you all think about the responsibilities that comes along with the freedom and consequences that entails.

While I agree that she should be given a bit more leeway, but it's precisely because of friends like you who have no sense of responsibility that her parents would find it difficult to trust her.

FYI, when I was 15, although my parents have never given me any kind of strict curfew, I always return home by 7pm and I'm a guy. So what is the problem here?
I disagree what you said.
I did say that her parents care for her safety though. Well, i feel that you are generalizing; Not ALL teenagers "only think about their own rights, their own freedom". And so what if you as a teenager then returns promptly? It doesn't justified that others have to follow what you did. All I am saying here is that why can't her parents be more understanding and extend her curfew so perhaps she can spend more time with her friends from activities
like dinners and she does not have such a tight schedule to adhere to. Such arrangements also mean that she does not have to rush home in fear of the curfew, providing convenience for her.

coconutr33 added 2 Minutes and 1 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by DevilH View Post
She is still young. Parents are of course protective. You can always ask her out on weekends.
I am working on weekends and she needs to go for her family gathering at her
relative's house.


Last edited by coconutr33; 22nd June 2010 at 10:38 PM. Reason: Post Bumping
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Old 22nd June 2010, 10:58 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

Originally Posted by coconutr33 View Post
eat dinner ?
I am working on weekends and she needs to go for her family gathering at her
relative's house.
If you're talking about meals... then what about breakfast, or a mid-afternoon tea/snack? And the choice to work is yours -- which brings me to the next point...

Originally Posted by coconutr33 View Post
All I am saying here is that why can't her parents be more understanding and extend her curfew so perhaps she can spend more time with her friends from activities
like dinners and she does not have such a tight schedule to adhere to. Such arrangements also mean that she does not have to rush home in fear of the curfew, providing convenience for her.
Sorry about being blunt, but all I sense from what you're saying is that you're hoping that your friend's parents be more understanding about your needs, and that they provide convenience for you.

As you yourself conceded, there isn't a one-size-fits-all rule when it comes to parenting approaches. Her parents' approach is no less 'right' than your parents'. In any case, her curfew hours are a matter between her and her parents -- if she really were that responsible and mature, wouldn't she have succeeded in negotiating with them already?

Lastly, true friends schedule appointments around each others' commitments and prior arrangements; we don't insist on having our friends' lives run in sync with ours.

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Last edited by la_nausee; 22nd June 2010 at 11:16 PM.
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Old 22nd June 2010, 11:09 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

TS go be a parent then u will know

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Old 22nd June 2010, 11:25 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

well. try to talk to her parents and ask whether she can have dinner outside with you for that particular day? is she in your school? if yes, then u guys can maybe eat meals together in school instead?

When I was 15, I'll normally go home in the evening, like around 6+ or 7. I find there's no need to stay out till that late. Since that girl has to reach home by 7pm, my question is whether she has dinner available at home, which is why her parents prefer to go home early to have dinner together etc.

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Old 30th June 2010, 10:09 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: parents, your opinions!

i think kids nowadays have to remember this, freedom is a privilege given to you.. it's not your rights.. until u are earning ur own keep in ur adulthood..

i would keep the curfew at 7pm until she finishes her secondary school.. if she wans to stay out until 9pm, she would need to go through me and her dad and intro all her friends to me for inspection and i would go there personally to fetch her home after her outing..

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