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Old 6th June 2009, 02:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Trust between parent and child.

Have done something wrong, and my parents dont trust me anymore.
(regarding police case & studies)
and whenever I go out late or dont even go home, they will spam my call & inbox.
I just ignore, but they told me the trust is completely gone and wouldent let me go out anymore with friends that they dont know.
the worst still, i cant go out with my boyfriends coz they're afraid that I might get cheated and stuffs.
I think they dont love me anymore. Because they're so possesive over me.
Im turning 16 already & still treats me like im 6years old kid.
& I'm hot tempered, i must admit. & I did slap my dad (when he was drunk) and my mom (when I was too angry with her) I know I'm in the wrong but, I was to "zhong dong" .
But at times, Im really piss that the fact that whenever I told them the truth, they would also think that Im lying to them.
So how do I make them gain back the trust again?
I seriously need help.
Thanks!

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Old 6th June 2009, 02:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Show them that you are in control of your life.

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Old 6th June 2009, 02:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by chowychow View Post
Show them that you are in control of your life.
How do I show? & what must I do?

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Old 6th June 2009, 02:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by chowychow View Post
Show them that you are in control of your life.
She showed that.
And I see she is in the fault that made her parents think this way.

Try sitting down and talk to them nicely.
Seriously, if u continue to ignore, they'll just worry more. All you should is either get home or tell her nicely that where you are and give her a time that you will be home. On top of that, give her your friend's contact number too.

They're not being possessive, you're rebellious.
Don't think that your 'yi shi chong dong' can be an excuse for you to get away the fault of slapping your parents.

Having boyfriend at your age? You think that's necessary?
Are you that desperate to be loved?
Do you guys talk about marriage or just being together for fun?
Answer these questions and you'll know why your parents are worried.

P.S : i'm not an old lady.

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Old 6th June 2009, 03:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by RED.ADEN View Post
She showed that.
And I see she is in the fault that made her parents think this way.

Try sitting down and talk to them nicely.
Seriously, if u continue to ignore, they'll just worry more. All you should is either get home or tell her nicely that where you are and give her a time that you will be home. On top of that, give her your friend's contact number too.

They're not being possessive, you're rebellious.
Don't think that your 'yi shi chong dong' can be an excuse for you to get away the fault of slapping your parents.

Having boyfriend at your age? You think that's necessary?
Are you that desperate to be loved?
Do you guys talk about marriage or just being together for fun?
Answer these questions and you'll know why your parents are worried.

P.S : i'm not an old lady.
up for good post. agreed on the part "They're not being possessive, you're rebellious.". TS u definitely sound like u are being rebellious. sorry for being straightforward but sometimes u gotta take a step back and have a good hard look at how u have been behaving. which parent would not be worried when their daughter stays out late at night at a tender age of 16. u gotta read into their feelings as well. thats how i feel.

and we all know u are not an old lady. LOL

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Old 6th June 2009, 03:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by steelheart View Post
up for good post. agreed on the part "They're not being possessive, you're rebellious.". TS u definitely sound like u are being rebellious. sorry for being straightforward but sometimes u gotta take a step back and have a good hard look at how u have been behaving. which parent would not be worried when their daughter stays out late at night at a tender age of 16. u gotta read into their feelings as well. thats how i feel.

and we all know u are not an old lady. LOL
I sound like an old lady what. ~.~

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Old 6th June 2009, 03:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Yeah, perhaps for your age you'll think your parents' being too overly possessive, but you've got to understand it from your parents' stand, &&. it's illegal for your age to be out at that time too.

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Old 6th June 2009, 03:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Thanks, but the problem is when I talk to them or I can say only my mom. She would give the bin chao chao face and dont want to listen to what I say! & she always thinks she's right. So its like i really buey tahan. For my dad, I dont really communicate with him. Coz i rarely sees him as I wont be staying home & I would stay at my aunt's place coz there's more "freedom" there. But I also need freedom, because of some wrong doing I made, doesnt mean I cant get my freedom right? Giving my friend's contact number more jialiat. My mom would dig up my hp contacts & sometimes call the wrong friends that I dont hang out with. & last time, my dd would also take my phone to check my msges like hello I need some privacy also what.

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Old 6th June 2009, 03:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by Tanipoo. View Post
Thanks, but the problem is when I talk to them or I can say only my mom. She would give the bin chao chao face and dont want to listen to what I say! & she always thinks she's right. So its like i really buey tahan. For my dad, I dont really communicate with him. Coz i rarely sees him as I wont be staying home & I would stay at my aunt's place coz there's more "freedom" there. But I also need freedom, because of some wrong doing I made, doesnt mean I cant get my freedom right? Giving my friend's contact number more jialiat. My mom would dig up my hp contacts & sometimes call the wrong friends that I dont hang out with. & last time, my dd would also take my phone to check my msges like hello I need some privacy also what.
send her an sms (because she has to read it anyway)or just keep talking and talking and talking.

my mother does that to me when i want to talk to her too.
she still can accuse me for not giving her time to communicate.
then i'll talk to her nicely, if things still don't get in her head, i just shout. usually it does get in her head after that.
my mother is slow, her mind is square, she only listens what she likes to hear, that's the problem. so sometimes i have to throw all the nasty things to her.


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Old 6th June 2009, 03:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

I talk to nicely, she thinks I being a hypocrite and want benefits from her so I behave this way, so at times I just hack care her. Do this cant, do that also cant. Than must do what sia. can really faint.

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Old 6th June 2009, 03:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by RED.ADEN View Post
She showed that.
And I see she is in the fault that made her parents think this way.

Try sitting down and talk to them nicely.
Seriously, if u continue to ignore, they'll just worry more. All you should is either get home or tell her nicely that where you are and give her a time that you will be home. On top of that, give her your friend's contact number too.

They're not being possessive, you're rebellious.
Don't think that your 'yi shi chong dong' can be an excuse for you to get away the fault of slapping your parents.

Having boyfriend at your age? You think that's necessary?
Are you that desperate to be loved?
Do you guys talk about marriage or just being together for fun?
Answer these questions and you'll know why your parents are worried.

P.S : i'm not an old lady.
nice one ` exactly .


Originally Posted by Tanipoo. View Post
Have done something wrong, and my parents dont trust me anymore.
(regarding police case & studies)
and whenever I go out late or dont even go home, they will spam my call & inbox.
I just ignore, but they told me the trust is completely gone and wouldent let me go out anymore with friends that they dont know.
the worst still, i cant go out with my boyfriends coz they're afraid that I might get cheated and stuffs.
I think they dont love me anymore. Because they're so possesive over me.
Im turning 16 already & still treats me like im 6years old kid.
& I'm hot tempered, i must admit. & I did slap my dad (when he was drunk) and my mom (when I was too angry with her) I know I'm in the wrong but, I was to "zhong dong" .
But at times, Im really piss that the fact that whenever I told them the truth, they would also think that Im lying to them.
So how do I make them gain back the trust again?
I seriously need help.
Thanks!
Originally Posted by Tanipoo. View Post
Thanks, but the problem is when I talk to them or I can say only my mom. She would give the bin chao chao face and dont want to listen to what I say! & she always thinks she's right. So its like i really buey tahan. For my dad, I dont really communicate with him. Coz i rarely sees him as I wont be staying home & I would stay at my aunt's place coz there's more "freedom" there. But I also need freedom, because of some wrong doing I made, doesnt mean I cant get my freedom right? Giving my friend's contact number more jialiat. My mom would dig up my hp contacts & sometimes call the wrong friends that I dont hang out with. & last time, my dd would also take my phone to check my msges like hello I need some privacy also what.
seriously they dont let you go out with boyfriends is because they love you. what makes you think that they dont love you anymore ?
ya , to you, they may be possessive . but have you ever wondered why this happens ? its all because of what you did in the past. trust takes years to build. but takes seconds to destroy. trust me . i've been through it too . dont compare the severity . its the same . broken trust is broken trust . no need to compare with how it breaks.

you're 16 . you feel that they treat you like 6 . and at the age of 16 , you prove it to them that you've grown up by slapping them . ts , remember , no matter how chong dong you are , how angry you are , you CANNOT fight with them . physically. never .

you asked , how to make them gain back your trust . Ans : if you're willing to change and you want the trust back , allow some time between you and your parents . be a good daughter from today onwards. i must stress that it really takes alot of time to build trust. if you dont intend to change or be a good girl , forget about getting the trust back . it'll never come back.
i agree that everyone should be given chance to make amendments and turn over a new leaf . i believe they will . but mean while , what would you do ?

save this thread in your favourites. when you're 18 / 19 years old , grown up & change already , come back . take a look closely at what you wrote . you'll feel guilty and understand why all this is happening. i assure you.

no offences and my apology if i sounded harsh . anyway ts , you're just 16` there's still a long long way to go ` life is in your own hands . you're the one who determines your future as well as how people sees you . Love yourself & ppl around you ` jia you .

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Old 6th June 2009, 03:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by RED.ADEN View Post
I sound like an old lady what. ~.~
WHERE GOT! sounding matured doesnt mean sound like old lady la!

anyway TS i'm actually glad that u are seeking opinions on how to foster a better relationship with ur parents. every parent will love their children no matter what. unless there is some circuitry problem in their mind. i see that that ur parents only felt that they have misplaced their trust on u, since by giving u freedom to do what u want, u have neglected ur studies? and even had a police case. also by further deepening the wound, u rejected and ignored their calls to have an update on where u are. thus placing the word 'rebellion' into their mind. parents are usually possessive, and its their way of displaying their love. they want their children to come home, be obedient and listen to their words. though sometimes i would say doing too much would backfire especially on ur social life outside. but u gotta find a way to balance between the two.

if u're out to redeem urself, do show that u would listen to what they have to say and ask u to do (compromise a bit, its all about give and take). for example they want u to come home by 10pm every night, just do it. only by giving, u can take that trust back. otherwise, things would most probably remain as they are. somebody's gotta take a step back. and it would be more appropriate for u to do so.

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Old 6th June 2009, 03:45 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

as a child, u mus know tat, wateva ur parents did is 4 ur own good( i like nagging)... n if u want 2 gain bac their trust, u may want 2 do things tat they instruct u, or obey them, 1s u gain bac their trust, eveythin wil b bac to normal...

since u done something wrong b4, they were afraid that u do it the 2nd ttime. u shuld b blessed tat u haf such parents......beter than ur parents totalli ignoring u rite? regarding u comin late n not even go home, its all within ur control, u can always control them.. ur boyfriends.... all parents will think tat u mus focus on ur studies and not on r/s......

i dont think that they dont love u. if they dont love u, they wont even care abt u and jus let u die outside./..... u mus learn 2 control ur temper 2.. as frm ur thread i can c that ur parents r quite hot-tenpered 2... soo by fighting or arguing wif them, u will oni make them lose more trust in u....

sooo if they r really 2 unreasonable..then u can tel them the facts ...if not..try 2 obey them.....
(wah 1st time i typed soo much sia)

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Last edited by gyccy^^; 6th June 2009 at 03:46 PM.
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Old 6th June 2009, 03:53 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by MyNameCoffee View Post
nice one ` exactly .






seriously they dont let you go out with boyfriends is because they love you. what makes you think that they dont love you anymore ?
ya , to you, they may be possessive . but have you ever wondered why this happens ? its all because of what you did in the past. trust takes years to build. but takes seconds to destroy. trust me . i've been through it too . dont compare the severity . its the same . broken trust is broken trust . no need to compare with how it breaks.

you're 16 . you feel that they treat you like 6 . and at the age of 16 , you prove it to them that you've grown up by slapping them . ts , remember , no matter how chong dong you are , how angry you are , you CANNOT fight with them . physically. never .

you asked , how to make them gain back your trust . Ans : if you're willing to change and you want the trust back , allow some time between you and your parents . be a good daughter from today onwards. i must stress that it really takes alot of time to build trust. if you dont intend to change or be a good girl , forget about getting the trust back . it'll never come back.
i agree that everyone should be given chance to make amendments and turn over a new leaf . i believe they will . but mean while , what would you do ?

save this thread in your favourites. when you're 18 / 19 years old , grown up & change already , come back . take a look closely at what you wrote . you'll feel guilty and understand why all this is happening. i assure you.

no offences and my apology if i sounded harsh . anyway ts , you're just 16` there's still a long long way to go ` life is in your own hands . you're the one who determines your future as well as how people sees you . Love yourself & ppl around you ` jia you .
Because to me, if they love me they would give me freedom. My counseller told me what exactly you said as well. But over reacting can sometimes really piss me off. Thanks alot thou! My dad was just discharged from the hospital also, at that time I thought I would lose him and I really regreted that I didnt cherish him & I HATE HIM ALOT,to the extent I dont even call him dad when I reach home & dont talk to him. (family problems) & sometimes I would also blame my mom why do I have to go through all this misery to have a father like that, divorcee him & I'll be good alr. I feel so chidlish. My mom would also say why had have given birth to a daughter like me & why other childern can be so well behave blablabla, & me I'm like a failure to them. at times I just feel like ending my life ending all this shit that Im going through. But I cant bring myself to do that, coz I really do love my mom.

Tanipoo. added 3 Minutes and 47 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by steelheart View Post
WHERE GOT! sounding matured doesnt mean sound like old lady la!

anyway TS i'm actually glad that u are seeking opinions on how to foster a better relationship with ur parents. every parent will love their children no matter what. unless there is some circuitry problem in their mind. i see that that ur parents only felt that they have misplaced their trust on u, since by giving u freedom to do what u want, u have neglected ur studies? and even had a police case. also by further deepening the wound, u rejected and ignored their calls to have an update on where u are. thus placing the word 'rebellion' into their mind. parents are usually possessive, and its their way of displaying their love. they want their children to come home, be obedient and listen to their words. though sometimes i would say doing too much would backfire especially on ur social life outside. but u gotta find a way to balance between the two.

if u're out to redeem urself, do show that u would listen to what they have to say and ask u to do (compromise a bit, its all about give and take). for example they want u to come home by 10pm every night, just do it. only by giving, u can take that trust back. otherwise, things would most probably remain as they are. somebody's gotta take a step back. and it would be more appropriate for u to do so.
Thanks alot! yea I wanna be a changed person, but the problem is I dont have to determination to. I love my parents also, but I dont know how to express it out. eg you know the xiao hai bu ben 2 joshua said to the father i love to the scene? haha.

Tanipoo. added 6 Minutes and 1 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by gyccy^^ View Post
as a child, u mus know tat, wateva ur parents did is 4 ur own good( i like nagging)... n if u want 2 gain bac their trust, u may want 2 do things tat they instruct u, or obey them, 1s u gain bac their trust, eveythin wil b bac to normal...

since u done something wrong b4, they were afraid that u do it the 2nd ttime. u shuld b blessed tat u haf such parents......beter than ur parents totalli ignoring u rite? regarding u comin late n not even go home, its all within ur control, u can always control them.. ur boyfriends.... all parents will think tat u mus focus on ur studies and not on r/s......

i dont think that they dont love u. if they dont love u, they wont even care abt u and jus let u die outside./..... u mus learn 2 control ur temper 2.. as frm ur thread i can c that ur parents r quite hot-tenpered 2... soo by fighting or arguing wif them, u will oni make them lose more trust in u....

sooo if they r really 2 unreasonable..then u can tel them the facts ...if not..try 2 obey them.....
(wah 1st time i typed soo much sia)
Haha, in words I dont find you nagging lah! maybe both my parents hot tempered give birth to me I'm double of their temper so more worst! haha.. thanks alot !


Last edited by Tanipoo.; 6th June 2009 at 03:59 PM. Reason: Post Bumping
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Old 6th June 2009, 04:00 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by Tanipoo. View Post
Have done something wrong, and my parents dont trust me anymore.
(regarding police case & studies)
and whenever I go out late or dont even go home, they will spam my call & inbox.
I just ignore, but they told me the trust is completely gone and wouldent let me go out anymore with friends that they dont know.
the worst still, i cant go out with my boyfriends coz they're afraid that I might get cheated and stuffs.
I think they dont love me anymore. Because they're so possesive over me.
Im turning 16 already & still treats me like im 6years old kid.
& I'm hot tempered, i must admit. & I did slap my dad (when he was drunk) and my mom (when I was too angry with her) I know I'm in the wrong but, I was to "zhong dong" .
But at times, Im really piss that the fact that whenever I told them the truth, they would also think that Im lying to them.
So how do I make them gain back the trust again?
I seriously need help.
Thanks!
your parents still do love you. all parents would love their kids. (: perhaps, you can start changing by proving to them you can be in control of your life. you mentioned that you're 16 this year, are you doing your 'o' levels or 'n' levels this year? start studying for your exams, and prove to your parents by doing well in your studies.

try to control your temper. there is no point in losing your temper at your parents by slapping them when you're really angry with them. it'll only make the situation worst. try sitting down and talk to your parents nicely about it. tell your parents about the friends you hang out with. no parents would want their kids to get into a bad company.

you should not ignore your parent's call or smses when they call you, because they care a lot about you. they call or sms you because they worry about your safety. next time, if you come home late, you should at least send a sms or give them a call to give them some reassurance.

my parents are also pretty much possessive over me. i'm 21 this year, and i still have curfews whenever i go out with my friends. i can't stay out till like after 11pm, because my parents would be fuming mad if i stayed out late. i've to tell them whom i'm going out with and what i'll be doing. i can't even go out with guys alone, but well, i usually go out with my girlfriends. sometimes, i do not like my parents for being so possessive with me. but well, they're my parents and i still do respect them.

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Old 6th June 2009, 04:05 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by Tanipoo. View Post
Thanks alot! yea I wanna be a changed person, but the problem is I dont have to determination to. I love my parents also, but I dont know how to express it out. eg you know the xiao hai bu ben 2 joshua said to the father i love to the scene? haha.
no probs!

to change, 1st would be ur attitude towards them. try to show them concern every once in a while, or do little things like da bao some nice food whenever u were out for them to try. some times when words cant be put use, actions like these can equivalently be useful. just try to be more obedient, that will be the number priority under ur list since from what i've seen is that u do not listen to them that much.

LOL! that part! funny! but sad for the father. LOL

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Old 6th June 2009, 04:15 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by destinyinfaith View Post
your parents still do love you. all parents would love their kids. (: perhaps, you can start changing by proving to them you can be in control of your life. you mentioned that you're 16 this year, are you doing your 'o' levels or 'n' levels this year? start studying for your exams, and prove to your parents by doing well in your studies.

try to control your temper. there is no point in losing your temper at your parents by slapping them when you're really angry with them. it'll only make the situation worst. try sitting down and talk to your parents nicely about it. tell your parents about the friends you hang out with. no parents would want their kids to get into a bad company.

you should not ignore your parent's call or smses when they call you, because they care a lot about you. they call or sms you because they worry about your safety. next time, if you come home late, you should at least send a sms or give them a call to give them some reassurance.

my parents are also pretty much possessive over me. i'm 21 this year, and i still have curfews whenever i go out with my friends. i can't stay out till like after 11pm, because my parents would be fuming mad if i stayed out late. i've to tell them whom i'm going out with and what i'll be doing. i can't even go out with guys alone, but well, i usually go out with my girlfriends. sometimes, i do not like my parents for being so possessive with me. but well, they're my parents and i still do respect them.

I’m taking my N this year , but my results during the mid year isn’t satisfactory. passed 2 subjects only. Yea & by judging appearance of my friends is like so stereotyping . Got tattoo, got piercing means ahbeng and ahlian. But my friends are like those “ gai guo zi xing” type alr. Now I mostly mix with school friends & not those bad company anymore. I do have piercing as well and my mother will just associate me with those “gangster” like only gangster can have piercing and tattoos? But if I answer the call, they’ll just nag non stop!!! & for my hot temper I will just shout back. Yea, respect them, but I guess they also have to respect us as well ?

Tanipoo. added 3 Minutes and 31 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by steelheart View Post
no probs!

to change, 1st would be ur attitude towards them. try to show them concern every once in a while, or do little things like da bao some nice food whenever u were out for them to try. some times when words cant be put use, actions like these can equivalently be useful. just try to be more obedient, that will be the number priority under ur list since from what i've seen is that u do not listen to them that much.

LOL! that part! funny! but sad for the father. LOL
Haha, to change my attitude, that's a tough one! For my dad he only smokes & drinks dont really eat. So must I buy ciggs & liquor for him ? I really do want him to cut down on both of it, as he has serious health problems. For my mom I have alot of food to buy for her. haha! I'll do that later when I go home.


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Old 6th June 2009, 04:34 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

glad that you've managed to clear the fog & see through it ` make your mummy proud of you ! work hard for your N's and let that be the first evidence to them that you've changed ! Jia you !

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Old 6th June 2009, 04:40 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Originally Posted by Tanipoo. View Post
I’m taking my N this year , but my results during the mid year isn’t satisfactory. passed 2 subjects only. Yea & by judging appearance of my friends is like so stereotyping . Got tattoo, got piercing means ahbeng and ahlian. But my friends are like those “ gai guo zi xing” type alr. Now I mostly mix with school friends & not those bad company anymore. I do have piercing as well and my mother will just associate me with those “gangster” like only gangster can have piercing and tattoos? But if I answer the call, they’ll just nag non stop!!! & for my hot temper I will just shout back. Yea, respect them, but I guess they also have to respect us as well ?

Tanipoo. added 3 Minutes and 31 Seconds later...



Haha, to change my attitude, that's a tough one! For my dad he only smokes & drinks dont really eat. So must I buy ciggs & liquor for him ? I really do want him to cut down on both of it, as he has serious health problems. For my mom I have alot of food to buy for her. haha! I'll do that later when I go home.
start studying for your 'N' levels now. it's the june holidays now, don't spend your time going out, spend your time usefully by studying for your 'N' levels. if you can score well in your 'N' levels, and move on to sec 5, your parents should be proud of you to see that you changed. well, try not to have so many piercings on your body, remove those that are not necessary. my parents have never approved of me having way too much piercings on my body. i only an ear piercing on each ear.

well, all parents do nag, because they care a lot about their children. my parents do nag a lot too, sometimes, i do find that they're annoying, but well, i know they do that because they love me. don't shout at your parents! it'll not make things any better. i do feel guilty too for shouting at my parents. try writing a letter to your parents, telling them about your feelings instead of shouting at them.

you can advice your dad to cut down on cigarettes and alcohol, they're never good for your body. bring him to see a GP and tell the GP to refer him to a smoking cessation clinic.

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Old 6th June 2009, 04:44 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: Trust between parent and child.

Tried, brought him to cousenlling sessions but he said waste of time rubbish all this shit. I advice him since pri school untill now wliao, sian alr. i dont find a need to alr.
Whenever i see the book i feel like sleeping & i dont understand to topic at all.

Tanipoo. added 0 Minutes and 36 Seconds later...

Originally Posted by MyNameCoffee View Post
glad that you've managed to clear the fog & see through it ` make your mummy proud of you ! work hard for your N's and let that be the first evidence to them that you've changed ! Jia you !
hehehe, yea.
I will


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