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Old 7th February 2010, 09:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Ungrateful Mother-in-law

My future mother in law is making life very difficult for me. I'm typing this in a depressed mood and a certain amount of anger as well. Please forgive this rant but I need to get it all out. I'm just about to reach boiling point. Since the day I first met my bf's mom, she never liked me. I don't know if its my face or the way I carried myself to give her this first impression, but all I know is she has always seen me as some kind of enemy.

1. Each time I visit my bf's place, the mom has made sarcastic comments targeted at me. And his sister has confirmed to me that their mom sees me as an opportunitist who is just together with her son because I needed financial backing for my business. Of course that's bullshit because I've never used my bf as any sort of financial backup. His family is more well-off than mine. Sometimes I can sense that the old woman is trying to tell me something. She would ramble on about back in her days, a relationship is about two persons falling in love and not for the money. I'm so sick of hearing those stories and hearing anything that comes out of her mouth.

2. Currently (as some of u know), my bf and I are living together. The apartment we stayed in was purchased by my own hard earned money, with some help from my parents. As far as household expenses are concerned, his only contributions are part of utilities and miscellaneous expenses, and that box of Kellogs Frosties in the fridge. But I'm fine with that and I don't make any noise about it. But somehow, I just don't know how, but somehow the news filtered through to his mom that her son is actually staying with me. And the thing is she thot her son was the one who bought the apartment and I was living off him! I asked my bf why he didn't say anything about it, he said he don't want his mom to think the other way round or she will think he is incompetant, and also taking into account the bad blood between me and her.

3. I bought a new wallet on my own, with my own money. His mom saw the wallet and ask me how much it cost. I told her the cost. She ask me not to splurge too much money and money is hard to come by. Ok I agreed, and I told her my old wallet was getting into a bad shape and I needed a new one. Then she said something like "You're earning your own income too, sometimes u can use your own money to buy what u want. Don't everything depend on my son". Ok what does she mean by that? Does she think I'm splurging off him? I didn't want to argue back because she is old and also my bf's mom.

3. During the financial crisis of late 2008/early 2009, my bf made some losses both in his business and also some investments loss. He approached me for help. Although my business and investments also suffered some losses, I offered to help. I did so because my losses wasn't as great as his and I still have the capacity to help out to a certain extent. And guess what? The old woman thot its the other way round! I was hopping mad at that time, also angry that my bf didn't have the guts to tell her the truth. And his sister is also the Yes-woman, everything agree and keep quiet.

4. Finally the last straw came yesterday night when we had dinner in his house with the old woman and the sister. Everything was ok and we discuss the usual stuff at the dinner table. I said everything was ok because I'm already numb to her sarcastic and sublime remarks, so all those comments are already considered normal to me. Then after dinner I offered to help out with the dishes as usual, the old woman came close to me and said "你当我媳妇不怕被我压到死死吗?". At that point if my bf had seen how red my face was, he would have sent me to hospital. I had to find it in me and dig deep to come up with a smile in reply.

I'm pissing mad right now that I have such an ungrateful and venonmous future mother-in-law. These are just some incidents of her evil nature, if I were to write everything out, it will take a long time. Can any of u actually live with such a person? I'm not considering a breakup because it makes no sense to break up with someone over their mother. I understand that my bf is her only son and she is naturally very protective, but she need not be so unkind towards me. If she has any problem with me, she could have discussed nicely with me and I will do the same too. No need for sarcasm and snide remarks littered around in our every conversation. My bf clearly knows this whole situation but there is nothing much he can do about it, and I'm also very angry at the way he is handling all this. He can only tell me that his mom is old and let's not anger her or create a scene.

I really dread visiting the old woman, because it will only get my blood pressure high. I think she has probably told her neighbors and all her friends and san gu liu po that I'm a gold digger bent on splurging away their life savings. I've never seen her smile at me at all, not even once. Everytime I see her, its as if I did something wrong and I'm facing punishment or something.

Ok that's my rant. Took a while and lots of anger to type out. I need to cool down.

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Old 7th February 2010, 10:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

maybe you can still look for good side. well easier said than done though :-)

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Old 7th February 2010, 10:19 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

just reply: "diam la, you got LJ la!"

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Old 7th February 2010, 10:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Originally Posted by allycat View Post
My future mother in law is making life very difficult for me. I'm typing this in a depressed mood and a certain amount of anger as well. Please forgive this rant but I need to get it all out. I'm just about to reach boiling point. Since the day I first met my bf's mom, she never liked me. I don't know if its my face or the way I carried myself to give her this first impression, but all I know is she has always seen me as some kind of enemy.

1. Each time I visit my bf's place, the mom has made sarcastic comments targeted at me. And his sister has confirmed to me that their mom sees me as an opportunitist who is just together with her son because I needed financial backing for my business. Of course that's bullshit because I've never used my bf as any sort of financial backup. His family is more well-off than mine. Sometimes I can sense that the old woman is trying to tell me something. She would ramble on about back in her days, a relationship is about two persons falling in love and not for the money. I'm so sick of hearing those stories and hearing anything that comes out of her mouth.

2. Currently (as some of u know), my bf and I are living together. The apartment we stayed in was purchased by my own hard earned money, with some help from my parents. As far as household expenses are concerned, his only contributions are part of utilities and miscellaneous expenses, and that box of Kellogs Frosties in the fridge. But I'm fine with that and I don't make any noise about it. But somehow, I just don't know how, but somehow the news filtered through to his mom that her son is actually staying with me. And the thing is she thot her son was the one who bought the apartment and I was living off him! I asked my bf why he didn't say anything about it, he said he don't want his mom to think the other way round or she will think he is incompetant, and also taking into account the bad blood between me and her.

3. I bought a new wallet on my own, with my own money. His mom saw the wallet and ask me how much it cost. I told her the cost. She ask me not to splurge too much money and money is hard to come by. Ok I agreed, and I told her my old wallet was getting into a bad shape and I needed a new one. Then she said something like "You're earning your own income too, sometimes u can use your own money to buy what u want. Don't everything depend on my son". Ok what does she mean by that? Does she think I'm splurging off him? I didn't want to argue back because she is old and also my bf's mom.

3. During the financial crisis of late 2008/early 2009, my bf made some losses both in his business and also some investments loss. He approached me for help. Although my business and investments also suffered some losses, I offered to help. I did so because my losses wasn't as great as his and I still have the capacity to help out to a certain extent. And guess what? The old woman thot its the other way round! I was hopping mad at that time, also angry that my bf didn't have the guts to tell her the truth. And his sister is also the Yes-woman, everything agree and keep quiet.

4. Finally the last straw came yesterday night when we had dinner in his house with the old woman and the sister. Everything was ok and we discuss the usual stuff at the dinner table. I said everything was ok because I'm already numb to her sarcastic and sublime remarks, so all those comments are already considered normal to me. Then after dinner I offered to help out with the dishes as usual, the old woman came close to me and said "你当我媳妇不怕被我压到死死×27;?". At that point if my bf had seen how red my face was, he would have sent me to hospital. I had to find it in me and dig deep to come up with a smile in reply.

I'm pissing mad right now that I have such an ungrateful and venonmous future mother-in-law. These are just some incidents of her evil nature, if I were to write everything out, it will take a long time. Can any of u actually live with such a person? I'm not considering a breakup because it makes no sense to break up with someone over their mother. I understand that my bf is her only son and she is naturally very protective, but she need not be so unkind towards me. If she has any problem with me, she could have discussed nicely with me and I will do the same too. No need for sarcasm and snide remarks littered around in our every conversation. My bf clearly knows this whole situation but there is nothing much he can do about it, and I'm also very angry at the way he is handling all this. He can only tell me that his mom is old and let's not anger her or create a scene.

I really dread visiting the old woman, because it will only get my blood pressure high. I think she has probably told her neighbors and all her friends and san gu liu po that I'm a gold digger bent on splurging away their life savings. I've never seen her smile at me at all, not even once. Everytime I see her, its as if I did something wrong and I'm facing punishment or something.

Ok that's my rant. Took a while and lots of anger to type out. I need to cool down.
would mind translating the Chinese word you used?I got a solution for you.but I don't know whether it would work*cross finger*. try visit her often(without your bf)cause she will know that you care her a lot and sweet talk with her and help out in any way she needs..
maybe she is just afraid that if your bf would leave her for you. so you must make feel like you are her favourite daughter-in law.it always help my cousins who have fierce bf/gf parents..*cheers*have a big heart..

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Old 7th February 2010, 10:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Most of the time, people who are rich financially acts like that.
Putting themselves above all others as if everyone "below" them are worthless and needs their help when it is clearly the other way around.
And somehow I felt that your boyfriend is kinda useless, do not even have the courage to admit his own mistake.
He made you the scapegoat to save some of his "face".
I do not think he is someone worth staying with nor being together with.

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Old 7th February 2010, 10:30 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

OMG she is so mean!!!

I expect my bf to at least correct the situation, I mean it's not like you're asking him to go against his mum but rather to clarify what the real situation is.
I think it is important that you should keep all these unhappiness inside and let it build it because you don't know what may happen one day.

My mum is unhappy with my paternal relatives and does not want to voice out and I've been hearing her grumbling and grumbling about those relatives for 20+ years!!!!

I just wish she had stood up for herself instead of grumbling and holding on to the unhappiness for so long

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Old 7th February 2010, 10:35 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Originally Posted by nERd_Life View Post
would mind translating the Chinese word you used?
It means "If u become my daughter-in-law, are you not afraid of me crushing you till you die?". Crushing doesn't mean literally. It means she will make life hell for me until I die.

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Old 7th February 2010, 10:45 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Originally Posted by allycat View Post
It means "If u become my daughter-in-law, are you not afraid of me crushing you till you die?". Crushing doesn't mean literally. It means she will make life hell for me until I die.
that is creeepy..why would she hate you when you have done no harm in any way.try recall did you ever anger her?

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Old 7th February 2010, 10:52 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

try go and visit her alone, and ask her nicely to have a 1 to 1 chat, and talk out everything...
Communications is the most important in any relationship.....
if you want to have a better relationship with her, you should talk to her and be polite as she is your bf's mum and a old lady....
but sometime old ppl just like to think THEIR own way, they don't care of what you say, or do.
let her know that you are not the woman she is speaking of....


hope it helps ^^
don't give up...
im in a worse situation then u....

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Old 7th February 2010, 11:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Allycat,
Firstly I am sadden by your situation.

Perhaps you had started off on the wrong foot with her in the beginning.

I feel that you should spend more quality time with her, by going out with her for meals and shopping. Accompany her to any medical appointments she has.

Let her know that she is not losing a son but gaining a daughter instead.

Eventually, Im sure things will turn out better and also get your BF to explain the real situation to her.

Good luck and I wish you all the best.

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Old 7th February 2010, 12:04 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

I don't think visiting her alone or going out with her alone is an option for me, because she simply will not entertain me without the presence of her son. I have thot about going with her to meals and doing some shopping, but I just don't think she will agree to these appointments. And I can understand that because it goes against any logic to do shopping with someone u look down upon.

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Old 7th February 2010, 12:11 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Sorry but can i ask if ur father-in-law still around?

Maybe that mum feel insecure as it seems that her son is being 'taken' away. Oh well.

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Old 7th February 2010, 12:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Sometimes you have to "let the blood spill". Parent oftentimes assuming.

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Old 7th February 2010, 12:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

It is best that you ask your boyfriend to explain the whole situation to his mother. It is not fair that you get all these remarks while your boyfriend does nothing. If he says that he does not want to seem incompetent in front of his mother, then he is already being incompetent in front of you.

Either you tell him not to act like a good boy everytime in front of his mother or you take your matters in your own hands.

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Old 7th February 2010, 12:18 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

She understands very well that my health hasn't been too good lately and I'm still recovering from an earlier car accident. Yet she spared no effort at making me angry and my life hell. Shortly after the accident I was walking with a limp. Instead of keeping her big mouth shut, I overheard her talking to the sister and she was referring to me as "pai ka" or "pai ka charbor", meaning someone with walking disabilities. I was very upset over that, and sometimes I hid in my room to cry over it.

I'm just afraid that I might snap if I hold on to a point where I'm unable to take it anymore.

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Old 7th February 2010, 12:30 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Am not teaching you to be bad but I did ever somehow did have some issue with my MIL too. All along my MIL have a very good son and daughter in laws till me was added to the list.

Am the kind who prefer to be true than just looking good which does not goes well with her. She keep on comparing me with others in law which are all very filial and rather being a hypocrite than telling her the truth.

One day I snap up and told her to accept me as I am as how I accept her as how she was. And let all our disagreement not hurt the one we love, that is my wife who is her daughter. And never cross my mind to separate a mother and daughter relationship..

We didn't talk for a year but as time flies we seem to able to accept each other flaws. As for the rest of my in laws, till now they have to keep on being hypocrite and suffer in silence..

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Old 7th February 2010, 02:14 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

ally, I don't know if you read some of the post above you, but I'll magnify a point 2 people have tried to say to you but you seem to not respond to their words.


"WHY CAN'T YOUR BOYFRIEND OPEN HIS MOUTH AND PERFORM AN ACTION CALLED 'EXPLAIN'?"

Or is there something we're missing here?

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Old 7th February 2010, 02:47 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

I've mentioned in the last sentence of Point 2 in the original post, that he cannot seem to open his mouth for fear of being seen as incompetant by his mom. If someone has been harboring hate against u all these while and suddenly realized that they themselves are in the wrong, how would the old woman think? She is not the type of person to realize her wrong and start becoming nice to me. Rather I think she will make life even more miserable for me.

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Old 7th February 2010, 03:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

tell us no use
tell ur guy

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Old 7th February 2010, 03:23 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: Ungrateful Mother-in-law

Originally Posted by PECTOPAH View Post
tell us no use
tell ur guy
LOL!! What things to say PECTOPAH!

She ranting to us mah.. SGC is always here with listening ears and comments.



But i Can't understand why your hubby so scare the mum look down on him. If he's really competent, there's no reason why he's afraid that he could not afford a house, or probably other big ticket items..

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