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Old 17th March 2012, 04:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
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View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

hi all , i am new here and would apperciated it if you all can help me on this . Well me and my bf have been together for 3years. Actually I known him for 4 years but he took the time to know me before fully committing himself to me.
As this is my first real boyfriend , I really hoped to know what you girls think of him ? Well I remembered the day where he bought a bouquet of roses and a soft toy and met me at my house and told me he loved me. He promised a list of things that until now he being faithfully doing.
One of the things that he promised was , ' no matter what he would sent me home first before going back.' Which resulted in him having to walk home from jurong to bukit batok . He told me he didnt mind as long as he could spent more time with me and ensure i reached home safety.
He would hand-maked gifts for me as he told me ' anyone with money can buy you a gift but you need a heart to make one '. I am always surprised that a grown man like him would take the time and effort to do something nice for every once in a while.
He would also write a dairy for me , writing down details on every date we been thru together. He told me we can only remember this much but he wanted us to look back at every single memories we had together. He would give me every 6 month or so..
I remembered on my first birthday with him, he actually learnt how to bake a cake specially for me. And later i found out he been taking singing lesson from his army friend just so he could sing to me. I had never heard him sing before as he told me he got a horrible voice. But I was touched nevertheless..
He would travelled all the way to boil me soup when I was ill. Learnt how to cook my fav dishes. He basically treated me like a princess.
He would take an interest in what i do so that we could do things together, and this means him having to chase k pop stars which he didnt mind. He would always listened attentively whenever i needed someone to talk to.
On my 21st birthday, he even surpirsed me by treating me to seoul . He did this by saving and not buying anything for himself using his NS pay. He wanted me to have a memorable birthday.
He would always buy me things that i want, even if he doesnt have the money now. But he will rememebered and save up the money and surpirse me later...No matter how late , when i needed someone to talked to. He is always there for me even if he is super tired.
I tot that maybe this was the honeymoon period where he was super good to me but 6months later, 1 year later and till now...is always been the same. He told me becuz the day we became a couple, he promised to treat me like a princess and never take me for granted and to love me faithfully .
And he never once pressurize me for sex nor ask me for anything in return. He did everything for me because he love me . But I started to take him for granted , i cant rmb the last time i told him i love him and i started to treat him really bad.
There was once me and my family were goung to bangkok and he asked for early release from his NS commitment and bought chocolate and rushed all the way from bukit batok to the airport just to said good bye to me. He even asked me by sms that he came to the airport and if it is ok to meet him because he misses me. But i reply, ' calling him a stalker , calling him a cb knn all kind of vulgar words.' I scolded him for stalking me even though i told him when i was flying off. He told me he just wanted to said bye..and as usual he give in and apologize , begging me for forgivness.
Even though he always get me a gifts and buy me something nice, I cant rmb the last time i bought him something except for his birthday.
I would get anger at him for the slightest of reason and even when we were going out . I would abandon him and meet up with my guys' friends. He never meet my friends before and I will keep it from him. And yesterday I told him i was meeting my friend at safra near my place, i left home at 10pm.
He told me to enjoy myself and take care and asked me to promised me that i will sms him when i reached home. Around 1am i sms him a few times and stopped replying as i was having fun and getting high. What i didnt know was he was worried about me. He waited until 3am, and started smsing me as i hardly go home this late and the place was near my house. He begin to call and sms but couldnt get through. My hp had already ran out of battery and i didn forget to sms that i be home late and asked him not to worry.
So he waited awhile and assumed that my handphone had died but it is already 5am. And i should have reached home by now. He was so worried that he cycled all the way to my house( from bukit batok to boon lay). He told me he just wanted to make sure i reached home safety, he told me he scared something might happened to me as I will usually msg him if i be home late. But i scolded him for stalking me , I just wanted to be right i guessed. I know he just wanted to know i am safe and sound but i scolded him and broke up with him as i know he will always give in to me. Am i in the wrong? I dun have to tell him every details where i been to right?
Anyway I told him , ' he is the worst boyfriend ever'..i know i really broke his heart but i just want to know you girls opinion on him....anyway sorry for this long post. Just needed to pour my heart out and hope somebody is listening...

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Old 18th March 2012, 02:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

Hi , I'm listening . He really love you that's why he's doing this. just cherish him, He's treating you really like a princess.
the only reason why you think you don't have to tell him everything is because you are getting bored and you want fun to spice up ur life.
Get ur thinking right. Think abt what u wan exactly, him or fun . And you'll understand what i'm saying here

Above statement no offence.


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Old 18th March 2012, 06:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

Hey girl.. ur boy loves u alot.. u are wrong in the first place treat him good .. u cant find any other guy like him nowdays ...think about it

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Old 18th March 2012, 07:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

Hi, your bf really treat u very good although have 3 years relationship liao.. some bf even after 1 yr, already change de.

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Old 18th March 2012, 09:13 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

Look every good relationship has to have a good balance of give and take. You don't exactly have to be giving/taking the same thing either, but it has to be of the same level of commitment and value to you two.

From a neutral bystander's viewpoint, it would appear at first that you are heavily in the wrong for taking and taking without giving back or even feeling gratitude in return. But I chose to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that this story is deeper than it appears to be (as it usually is).

I have a classmate who acts in a similar way as your boyfriend to my friend, lets just name them A (classmate) and Z (friend) for convenience.

A has a tendency to allow anyone and anybody to take advantage of him, most people feel bad after a while so they stop but Z doesn't care, Z would borrow A's laptop for hours, even once borrowing it for weeks to go OVERSEAS, A would wait for Z when Z has extra classes even though he may end up wasting 5 hours, A would always carry whatever Z asks for and he even used to massage/bring food for Z pretty often, on command too. A basically does anything Z asks of him, and even when Z doesn't he just hangs around awkwardly hoping that A would shoot some request for him to fullfil.

Now the thing is that, there are people like Z who enjoy this kind of smothering affection. They enjoy having someone at their beck and call in return for tolerating the intensely creepy breathing down the neck. There are also people like A who find joy in being used, in doing ridiculous, selfless things just so people would like them. This isn't wrong, but it isn't for everyone, even if he is the nicest boyfriend- just as long as he can't understand what you want out of the relationship, and what you hope the relationship can be like...it is doomed to failure or at least excruciating bleakness.

A relationship takes two hands to come together. Was your boyfriend on the same page as you in regards to personal space, personal communication? Did you guys actually talk about the limits, where your comfort zones were and how far he could take it without you feeling weird or disturbed? It may sound a little nasty, but if you don't communicate then no compromises, no actual partnership can be made- it'll just be one person tolerating and the other person bulldozing.

Either way a relationship is meaningless if you guys don't actually talk about the relationship. Going on dates, giving gifts and having a great time is there to make things fun but without such talks and serious communication, your relationship would be all flash and no substance- it'd break as soon as the fun gets old as it did in your case.

Furthermore not everyone can keep up with that level of committed gift giving, I mean I know I definitely can't. Baking cakes, taking singing lessons, buying a ticket to Seoul for a loved one is absolutely amazing once in a blue moon but it does get pretty damn heavy once it starts piling up and it doesn't stop. There are people who feel worth by being selfless like I said, but not everyone feels good with being selfish.

If you didn't feel good, you should have sat him down to have a heart to heart talk. Make it clear to him that you love all his gifts and felt really touched- but you don't feel comfortable with him spending his time and money like that. You'd rather just spend your time with him, at a price and place that won't break his bank, after all these gifts would lose their value and fade away in memories but he'll still be around. So you wish that he could tone down the gestures, its still sweet but be less surprising with them.

This above ^, is something that you could probably have said or done. As I don't know your bf personally I don't know how honest you can get without hurting him and your relationship. As a general rule, don't insult but rather encourage and guide him / be honest about how you feel but don't rub it in.

If you are still together with him I hope you will apologize for saying what you said, after all I don't think he is bad- he is just confused...so that was a little uncalled for on your part. Give him guidance, tell him what you really like or dislike- but do it in a tactful way that would minimize his hurt. Give him love when it is due but do not forget about telling him what you feel comfortable with, always remember that positive communication is key to a solid relationship, not fancy gifts or pampering.

All the best, hope you can work things out to a happy ending with him. He is a nice guy after all, a little too nice perhaps but with age and proper guidance he can become a very sweet potential-hubby I believe.

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Old 18th March 2012, 09:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

agreed your bf is a good guy. you should cherish him. maybe you are just feeling tired of the r/s that why you are like this.

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Old 18th March 2012, 09:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

I think ur bf comes off as possessive(at the ending part) whereas u are the type who need your free space, so you feel abit annoyed.
I think your need to have a space had to be communicate to him, in a way that he would respect your space next time.
But i have to admit he likes you alot and is a good guy.

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Old 18th March 2012, 09:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

He's a really great guy! You should really cherish him.

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Old 19th March 2012, 04:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

You seriously don't deserve him. Just wait till he's gone before you cry over your mistake.

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Old 19th March 2012, 04:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

Really. Awww. Maybe he is the Mr Right. BF...

anyway .it nice of him to love u to bits...

Don't ever let go of him..

Just ask him to give u some personal space..

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Old 19th March 2012, 05:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

If you feel that he doesn't make you a better person, then leave him.

I don't think it's about him being that nice and you being that wild.

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Old 19th March 2012, 07:49 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

3 qns to ask yourself.

1. Do you love him?
2. Is he good to you? (YES, I'm sure we all agree.)
3. Is he the one you want to be with, or do you want to look for someone else.. At the risk of your lifelong happiness?

I once had a very nice ex, similar to your bf. Just that he got erm.. fat and his lying habits really annoyed me max. Other than that, he's really good to me. (And his family too!)

Although he was a good bf (in general), I finally chose to break up with him.. No, there was no one else. I wanted to find someone I love. I wanted to experience the feeling of love.. (Sadly, I stopped loving him dunno since when..)

It's been years and until now I nvr met a guy who treats me better than he did. Met some jerks who hurt me, used me. My most recent ex was the ultimate bastard. (I didn't know such a bastardy guy really existed.)

Sometimes I do regret. If I could just put up with it, I'll now be a rich tai tai with an obedient hubby (who's the successor of the family biz).. Could stay in the condo or their semi-d.. Could travel.. Buy ex stuff all the time.. Enjoy atas life..

But well, I was young and prolly too pampered by my ex. Took him for granted. Most imptly, I hadn't met bastardy guys before. Was too well-protected by my ex until I didn't know the existence of bastards.

If you really ask me, if my rich ex were to ask me to patch.. Would I? I really dunno. Can I be with someone for money even if I dont love him? Despite what I've been through.. I really dont think I can be with a guy for his money. I wish I could.. But my life would be as simple as it used to be. =\

Seriously I've nth against girls who are with guys for their money as long as they are faithful and they didn't steal the guys from other girls. We all have our choices. Love or bread?

I gave up my 'bread' and later got my 'love' who kept getting money from me (and other women). In the end, I realised too late that the 'love' I thought we shared was fake. (He claimed he did love me once.. But I know it's bullshit! He started getting $ from me almost as soon as he could lah!)

At my age, nice guys are either attached, married (with kids, even) or.. I dunno where they are. Haha!

So back to the TS's experience.. Do note that if you let go of this rare breed.. You may may up like me. =\

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Old 19th March 2012, 08:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

I think I share almost the same fate as you...
My boyfriend used to treat me like that but I became paranoid and accused him of liking others girls when he talked to them...
Now we're not together anymore but I miss him :I
He changed totally and told me that he has no more feelings for me...
What I'll say is to cherish what you have now...
If you really don't like him then it's okay / better to let go ...
These guys are hard to come by :I

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Old 19th March 2012, 09:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

TS, you are very blessed to have such a good bf. Sometimes a person (be it male or female) just want to feel some sparks in a r/s, remember fireworks are beautiful but they don't last. Don't go chasing waterfalls, take time to listen to the rivers/ lakes that you are used to. U will find the beauty there too.

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Old 19th March 2012, 10:09 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

grab and hold on him while u can... cherish and never take for granted...
but if u are not serious or even try to be serious to him, release him, he deserves to be loved as he knows how to love unconditionally

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Old 23rd March 2012, 10:13 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

Originally Posted by PrissyMissy View Post
It's been years and until now I nvr met a guy who treats me better than he did. Met some jerks who hurt me, used me. My most recent ex was the ultimate bastard. (I didn't know such a bastardy guy really existed.)

Sometimes I do regret. If I could just put up with it, I'll now be a rich tai tai with an obedient hubby (who's the successor of the family biz).. Could stay in the condo or their semi-d.. Could travel.. Buy ex stuff all the time.. Enjoy atas life..

But well, I was young and prolly too pampered by my ex. Took him for granted. Most imptly, I hadn't met bastardy guys before. Was too well-protected by my ex until I didn't know the existence of bastards.
\
Is this who I think it is?

Anyway TS, This guy is really great to you. If you think he's annoying, I suppose you're tired of him
If not, you just wish that he'll give you something better.
This guy is one in a million! Trust me, no guys can tolerate sending their girlfriend home for that long.
He rushed over to meet you because he just wants to bid goodbye, it isn't wrong.
If you prefer bad boys, I suggest you leave that guy at once and give him to me. I'm just kidding, don't be mad. :3

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Old 28th March 2012, 03:57 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

Hello! No matter what actions he did, you have to know whether his intentions were right or wrong. If his intention was right but method wrong, then you have to tell him nicely.

From what i can see, your bf is a very nice guy indeed. Ask yourself if you appreciated all of what he had done for u, if not, then maybe u really are taking him for granted. Not to worry cause this is a stage everyone goes through: learning to appreciate in life.
If you are still with him, then congrats try to appreciate him more before the irreversible happens
hope i helped

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Old 4th June 2012, 10:02 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

I don't know what you are thinking but he is almost perfect? How you going to find this type of guy nowadays? Like you said he is your first boyfriend and guarantee you have yet to meet a bastard b4. My hubby waws once like him but only last for 3months and some of the promises and the way he treat me he couldn't keep them. But your case for 3 years flat he can treat u like this u are fortunate. Is your lost to have lose him honestly.

Pardon me he is lucky to have broken up with u. You ought to change if not it will be too late when you realise he is gone.

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Old 15th July 2012, 01:49 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: View on my 'bad' boyfriend?

omg! he is a very good guy. please treasure him before he gets upset and leave you.

i think it is just normal to take our bfrens for granted because we expected to be treated like princesses. i once scolded my bfren because i wanted him to bring me to expensive fine dining for valentine day. he couldn't afford it and i cried and scolded him for bringing me to cheap restaurant. he was so angry he ignored me for a week. that was my most miserable week. :'C upon self reflection, i realised he was just a man not a prince from fairytale. as long as he is a good man, there is nothing much to ask for...

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Old 15th July 2012, 02:14 AM   #20 (permalink)
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So envy you having such a very good boyfriend.

If my bf have half your bf good points, i feel very content already. Lol

Treasure him ba. Good guys hard to find nowadays.

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