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Old 30th September 2011, 04:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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when visiting someone's grave

I'm not sure if this is the right place to hold my questions, but I thought there are many of you who are experts in these areas.

I'm going to visit my friend's grave this weekend, and it is actually my 1st time visiting someone's grave. My knowledge is pretty basic:

-do not wear bright color clothes
-bring flowers
-pray

but i'm actually troubled by something else. Heres the story:

I have a friend who is very important in my life. But due to some unknown reasons, she commited suicide and passed away 2 years ago. I wanted to visit her, but because I'm not ready to face the fact that she's gone (since she's very important to me) hence it took me 2 years to face it and to visit her. Its my fault, I'm selfish to only think about my own feelings, but then again, its really bad of me not to visit her at all. I'm grateful for all she'd done for me. I hope to do something for her too.

---------

Qns 1: Is it better not to cry infront of her grave? I'm practicing self-control right now, but its not 100% that I can control my emotions when I see her again. after all, it'd been 2 years.. Will it make her sad if everyone started crying in front of her? (i'm going with a group of friends who are close to her)

----------

Qns 2: My friends told me that people who chose to end their lifes delibrately will encounter punishments after death. Is this true? Can we do something to help? like saying a prayer?

------------

Qns 3: Will our words reach her even if we dont say it out when visiting her? or do we have to say it out loud? (I know this is not really a question, but there are some words I wanted to tell her, but I'll cry out if I did. Will praying work?)

------------

I appreciate everyone who took the time to read this post. Thank you

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Old 30th September 2011, 04:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave

mods: I've posted something similar to this thread 1 year ao (i think), but I cant seem to access that thread no matter how I refresh/ change browser. if i'm breaking the rule of posting multiple threads, please delete this thread. i just wanted to know answers to my questions before i visit on weekend.. sorry if i've broken any rules. its been a while since i return to sgclub

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Old 4th October 2011, 10:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Qn 1: I don't know.

Qn 2: Possible to channel good karma to your friend, by doing charity work/good deeds in the name of her.

Qn 3: Don't have to say it out loud, possible to just say it in ur mind with intention to reach her.

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Old 4th October 2011, 11:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave

1) It would be good if you don't cry but I guess tear drops are all rights.

2) Do good deed on behalf of her. (like what SpeC. had mention)

3) Convey what you want to her in your mind would be good enough.

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Old 12th October 2011, 06:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave

Qns 1: Is it better not to cry infront of her grave? I'm practicing self-control right now, but its not 100% that I can control my emotions when I see her again. after all, it'd been 2 years.. Will it make her sad if everyone started crying in front of her? (i'm going with a group of friends who are close to her)

ans : Its best not to cry infront of her grave.
----------

Qns 2: My friends told me that people who chose to end their lifes delibrately will encounter punishments after death. Is this true? Can we do something to help? like saying a prayer?

Yes, both Buddhism and Christian believe that one should never suicide as they would be punish heavily.

------------

Qns 3: Will our words reach her even if we dont say it out when visiting her? or do we have to say it out loud? (I know this is not really a question, but there are some words I wanted to tell her, but I'll cry out if I did. Will praying work?)

well, in Buddhism they believe that when one is dead they are immediately sent to hell , however if u speak to her out loud (not really screaming but just loud) she can hear u....

In Christian believe, soul that died remain on earth and wander till end of the world and then sent to hell/heaven....

so either way she can still hear u if u say out loud.

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Old 13th October 2011, 06:46 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave

-Cry or not never mind. As long you present her a respectful self & true self.

-Suicide, will get punish.

-If you are not comfort to say anything out, then just don't say. You come all way to here to pray her, good enough already.


You can chant whatever holy books (depends on which religion you are) or what to help her gain good karma.

By doing good deeds, you will help others & yourself.

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Last edited by squiggle; 13th October 2011 at 06:50 AM.
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Old 15th October 2011, 11:50 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave


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Old 20th October 2011, 02:46 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave

how do u do good deeds in behalf of some1?? (like while im doing some good deeds,in my mind i should say "this is for 'you'" or "im doing this in the name of 'you'")? curious..

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Old 20th October 2011, 03:00 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave

Originally Posted by Darren255166 View Post

Yes, both Buddhism and Christian believe that one should never suicide as they would be punish heavily.
i know this reply is not related to the topic but i think i need to correct you.

that is what the catholics think, not christians

Originally Posted by Darren255166 View Post
In Christian believe, soul that died remain on earth and wander till end of the world and then sent to hell/heaven....

not true in christian belief.

i am not trying to start a religion thing here. just correcting you


Last edited by pencil-leads; 20th October 2011 at 03:01 AM.
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Old 23rd October 2011, 12:27 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave

Originally Posted by Kikyou View Post
how do u do good deeds in behalf of some1?? (like while im doing some good deeds,in my mind i should say "this is for 'you'" or "im doing this in the name of 'you'")? curious..
As long you believe got god in the heaven, just continue doing good deeds. Because god will see everything we do. Not only will you get benefit, but people around you too.

Maybe you can go in front of their graves, promise to them. That you will be a kind person, treasure your life, lead a meaningful life, what you have done & etc. This should work.

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Old 1st November 2011, 04:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: when visiting someone's grave

In Buddhism, there is one mantra that will help those dead ones. When one visit grave, can chant this:
Om Phrum Suoha Om Ah Mi Da. Ah You-Da-Day Suoha

Om 普龙 所哈 Om 阿米大 阿又大底所哈
(佛顶尊胜佛母mantra)

This is one powerful mantra that can help relieve the dead one from dark realms to reborn in Pureland or Heaven.


Details here:
http://baike.baidu.com/view/819617.htm

When you chant this mantra and walk in the grave, no spirit is able to hurt you, but they will feel gratitude for what you had chant for them.
But remember, before you leave the grave, dedicate the merit to them. Simply just say:
May this merit of this chanting be dedicate to all the dead ones, wish you reborn in Pureland.


Ghost is not to be afraid of, Be compassionate, and fear will be gone.



Cheers!


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Last edited by tashichoden; 1st November 2011 at 04:35 PM.
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