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Old 6th March 2016, 05:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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What is he thinking?

I remember 2 yrs ago i posted in tis forum tat i initiated a breakup with my bf who is my colleague.
We went into no contact situation for the last 1 yr+ ...meaning only work related emails. Until last quarter of last year, he accepted my help in his projects and we slowly slowly starts to email more and sms more. The smses also went into deeper like he offer to rent his bed to me so that i can go to new office site which is nearer to his house. (His bed is double decker kind and he just occupied the upper deck) Maybe I think too much or too sensitive? I was hoping he will date me and celebrate my birthday with me few mths back but he didn't. He knew I took leave on that day and he just wish my happy birthday and ask how i celebrate my day. I did not reply.

When he went for holidays end last year, he bought me some snacks and I also did bought him a gift when i came back from a holiday with my family last yr. Is this consider some kind of courtesy?
During cny, he made cny snack for me, just like what he did 2 yrs ago (when we r together).

His birthday is coming and i'm not sure if i should give him a personalised gift to make it meaningful. I'm not sure what is he thinking too. He is treating me as a normal colleague or he is thinking we can get back together. Frankly speaking, I did reflect myself and consider to get back with him again. i told myself to accept him regardless of the flaws which I don't like of him. Love is to accept the person as it is and accomodate each other. I don't have the courage to tell him and was waiting for him to initiate. Am I too naive?
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Old 10th March 2016, 10:49 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

If you still love him, go for it.

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Old 14th March 2016, 08:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Originally Posted by ms.siqi View Post
If you still love him, go for it.
Siqi, I gave him a personalized towel. I asked if he likes it...he never reply my sms. what does this mean? I really don't know....should I just give up?

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Old 15th March 2016, 12:18 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Maybe, you should directly ask him. But, be prepared for rejection.

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Old 16th March 2016, 06:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Siqi, today he sms me but he did not answer my qn. Instead he talk about something useless and I did not response. He is like that, escape from questions and only reply when he feels like it. Or he will choose not to reply when he doesn't have the answer. Sometimes I just feel like giving up.
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Old 17th March 2016, 12:20 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Then no point. Give up.

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Old 18th March 2016, 10:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Originally Posted by NiteOwl View Post
Siqi, today he sms me but he did not answer my qn. Instead he talk about something useless and I did not response. He is like that, escape from questions and only reply when he feels like it. Or he will choose not to reply when he doesn't have the answer. Sometimes I just feel like giving up.
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Thank you for the towel.

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Old 18th March 2016, 10:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Fiel, not funny to reply that statement to me.
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Old 21st March 2016, 06:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Originally Posted by NiteOwl View Post
Fiel, not funny to reply that statement to me.
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It's actually pretty funny! Relax! Lighten up.

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Old 24th March 2016, 02:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

@NiteOwl, i personally think your ex is in a comfort zone with you and does not want reconciliation, In my opinion it could be out of habitual gestures.
Heres my suggestion: Instead of giving a meaningful gift on birthday which to him might not hold any special meaning, Maybe you can ask him out to the places where your relationship first began or a place of fond of memories as a couple such as your first date or first kiss. If he goes with you to these places, you can share about the good memories with him and see if he wants to reconcile with you and if he really wants to re-conciliate he might share these memories with you as well. if he does not want reconciliation chances are when you go to these places, nothing will happen and it will just be a normal birthday celebration as friends . If it fails then you got your answer be mentally prepared for the worst but hope it turns out good. If it turns out well, remember the lessons of your breakup, and find some other time to share it with him so that your relationship will be stronger. Lastly, you should not go he is like that always never answer to your qns, if you keep on focus on his flaws then there is no point for you to want a relationship back. Remember his strengths and help him to grow.
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Old 24th March 2016, 11:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by diesopain View Post
@NiteOwl, i personally think your ex is in a comfort zone with you and does not want reconciliation, In my opinion it could be out of habitual gestures.
Heres my suggestion: Instead of giving a meaningful gift on birthday which to him might not hold any special meaning, Maybe you can ask him out to the places where your relationship first began or a place of fond of memories as a couple such as your first date or first kiss. If he goes with you to these places, you can share about the good memories with him and see if he wants to reconcile with you and if he really wants to re-conciliate he might share these memories with you as well. if he does not want reconciliation chances are when you go to these places, nothing will happen and it will just be a normal birthday celebration as friends . If it fails then you got your answer be mentally prepared for the worst but hope it turns out good. If it turns out well, remember the lessons of your breakup, and find some other time to share it with him so that your relationship will be stronger. Lastly, you should not go he is like that always never answer to your qns, if you keep on focus on his flaws then there is no point for you to want a relationship back. Remember his strengths and help him to grow.
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Thanks for this reply. I'm not sure how to ask him out. He is someone who prefers to msg instead of talking face to face. Even in office,he seldom talk to me. He will msg or email to me. I always want to recognise his strength and help him grow but he never give me a chance. I believe communication is vital for relationships to be built. However, u can say that he is someone who is not good in communication and thus avoid. Sometimes i feel that he may misinterpret wrongly the msg and i prefer talk. However, he won't bother to clarify at times. He is a stubborn guy, the more you want him to do, the more he doesn't. He has his unique way of looking at things but does it mean we are of different values? Relationship is to bring 2 person of similar characteristics together or 2 different person and see how they compromise each other? Sometimes i'm in a dilemma. All I hope is a chance to go out together and tell him my thoughts these 2 yrs. Perhaps when I let out all these thoughts, I feel better.
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Old 9th April 2016, 12:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Recently a colleague was asked to leave the company due to poor work performance.
My ex msg me that he feels wary about the boss...how can the boss suddenly terminate this colleague within 24 hrs. btw both of them shared the same boss.

I told him as long as he is working and the boss has no reasons to do the same to him. I commented that he needs to reduce his daily breakfast break, long lunches and t-break....yes...he has been doing these daily with his few team mates for the past few months. I guess he is not happy with me making this comment. However, this is the truth. even he himself is aware that he is lazy and went for t breaks to escape from work. Personally, I understand that breaks are necessary especially if during that period is too stressful/free...I sometimes go for breaks with other colleagues but not daily. He told me he is trying to make connections with his team members which I feel it is not necessary to be daily. If you asked me to gauge his work deliverables, I would rate it as a bit below average because I heard from few colleagues who complain about his work attitude. I have always wana to help him and he sometimes will forward emails and ask for my comments.

I feel that he is someone who only listen to what he wants to listen and never want to accept comments/opinion from others...a very stubborn guy. I wana help him to grow but everytime seems like I need to filter the correct words and msg him but I still can't get it right. he stopped messaging me after this episode (cut down on too many breaks advice) and avoid my cubicle "lorong" for 1 day. he will turn to other route to get out of the office door. btw, he sits few cubicles behind me. he is someone who will avoid a person if he doesn't want to talk to the person so I will also walk past him like never notice him. last few days, he starts to walk past my cubicle again to talk to the colleagues sitting in front of me but never msg me. I really just want to continue my life without him. perhaps just treat him as a normal hi-bye colleague is good enough but my heart just won't allow it. it may take weeks, months or year...I guess the best solution to this is either 1 of us leave the organisation.

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Old 9th April 2016, 10:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

You should let it out of your system and the relationship between you and him is really unhealthy. Firstly i think your man prefers softer/subtle approach rather than direct. I know you are trying to show care and concern towards him but what you told him just telling him that the impression he gave you is that he is lazy moreover you are his ex/ colleague not his manager/boss. Maybe you should try the softer approach HIGHLIGHT what he has contribute to the company maybe he good at a certain skill or building relationship with clients etc but if he does not want to be fired then this is not good enough the boss has to see that you meet his requirements after all the company pays you to get the job done. Highlight his strengths first before areas that he can improve. Of course there are some people doesn't wants solution but rather a listening ear to. Usually these people will ask you for solution directly when he really needs help. I think you rub it in the wrong way.

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Old 10th April 2016, 02:35 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

yes, I admit our relationship is unhealthy. I feel that a relationship can have 2 person of similar characters or different characters. The relationship with 2 person of different characters is the most challenging. both may not end up together after all. We are both the stubborn type which I admit. I'm a straight forward person and do not know how to sugar coat with words. I did try to use a softer approach but don't know why still screw up at times. sometimes I can't bring myself to use the words he wana hear on certain topics because this is going against my conscience.

I don't mind having "debates" with him over things because I feel this is the way to understand his thoughts. Communication is vital in a relationship. However, he will eventually keep quiet for days and I don't know what he is thinking. I have even try to stop replying him when he make comments previously.

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Old 10th April 2016, 06:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

He is avoiding you. He doesn't wants to go into a relationship with you, he knows.

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Old 11th April 2016, 09:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Originally Posted by BadGuy View Post
He is avoiding you. He doesn't wants to go into a relationship with you, he knows.
yes...sometimes I also have such feelings. whenever I wana give up, his sms will appear in my phone. I really feel terrible. I hope he will resign soon so that I will not have any more contact with him.

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Old 13th April 2016, 02:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Originally Posted by NiteOwl View Post
yes...sometimes I also have such feelings. whenever I wana give up, his sms will appear in my phone. I really feel terrible. I hope he will resign soon so that I will not have any more contact with him.
So sad. I am truly happy for you.

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Old 13th April 2016, 04:59 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Fiel View Post
So sad. I am truly happy for you.
Fiel, u really like to irritate me ah...if i ever meet u on the street, u will get it from me!
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Old 14th April 2016, 11:21 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: What is he thinking?

Originally Posted by NiteOwl View Post
Fiel, u really like to irritate me ah...if i ever meet u on the street, u will get it from me!
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You can give it to me anytime. If you want to contact me, you need only ask.

The reason i say such things is because you're pathetic.

I mean, come on! You actually hope you won't have to communicate with him again but that's only if he quits? If you want it that much, then get up and leave instead of hoping he would.

Show that ballsy attitude in your actions towards this situation instead of waving your fists at me.

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