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Old 16th April 2015, 05:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Wife complaining I am not helping the family

I am a married to a lovely wife and two kids. One of the kids is 3 years old. The other is 1 year old. I am currently living with my in-law.

Recently, I am having issue that my wife is complaining I am not helping at home. I got into a heated arguement with her over this. Because I feel that I have done my part as well as a father. Even though I may still need improvement.

I will look after one of the kids at least for 1 - 3 hours (After work) during weekdays and 3-5 hours on weekend daily. Occasionally, about twice a week, I will bring one or both of the kids downstair for a walk. I help out to bath, feed or change diaper the baby occasionally at adhoc basis when required. I will bring the family out during the weekend at least once a month. But I do like to confess that I do play some game during weekend and weekdays. During week days I can't play much. It only after my kids are asleep around 10 -11 plus, then I will play about 1 hour to 2 hours. For week ends, I take care of kids and play game sometimes. My maid and Mother-in-law help out on and off as well to take care of the kids.

My wife who is a working mother of course is the main care giver to both my kids. She is the one who look after my younger son at night. However, I am alway helping her when she call out to me. When she ask me for help, I will surely act on it.

My mother-in-law is helping out to accompany my daugther. However, whenever there are issue with my daughter, I will help as well during the night.

My maid is mainly helping to do most of the house chores.

I really appreicate the help of my in-law and I have always been helpful to support their required activity. Example, buying an entertainment box for my father-in-law. Fetching my mother-in-law back from her activity like dancing and other achoc activity. I am always bowing myself to any request from my in-law as I do not want conflict. Example, come home must greet my father-in-law.

However, my wife always say I am not doing enough. I can be better. She expect me to do more. I have been changing myself. However, I told her that I have changed alot these few years and I am still trying to be better. She is also saying that I am not giving as much attention and love like how she treat the kids. However, I have a different standard in loving them.

I know my main problem is that extra time that I take to play games. But I feel that she is unfair to me by saying that I am no helping. Recently, my mother-in-law has some injury on her arm and is my fault because I am not helping enough.

Am I wrong totally? My key issue is I feel very unbalance that my wife is saying I am doing nothing. I may not be the best husband in the world. But I am still a caring husband that encourage my wife and take care of kids. I am also holding a very stressful job. But I dun understand why she keep saying I am not helping. I must help more.

Would hope to hear a second opinion from anyone.

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Old 20th April 2015, 04:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Wife complaining I am not helping the family

Hey Bro,

From the way you mentioned and described yourself in the family, i would said u are a great husband. Not perfect but 85% - a good hubby. Everyone need their own privacy and hobby. Your wife might not be as fortunate as you , hence complaining that u didn’t give enough. In other words, she has to take care of the kids which prevent her from having any spare time to even do what she like – (etc:shopping). Yet she saw you enjoying your game.

Just remember this, human are never satisfied . No matter how hard you try, even sacrificing all your leisure time, she will still be complaining . Take it easy. Try to ignore when she complained or just answered her; “Ah ok” (No action done)

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Old 20th April 2015, 11:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Wife complaining I am not helping the family

Originally Posted by ThunderSG View Post
Hey Bro,

From the way you mentioned and described yourself in the family, i would said u are a great husband. Not perfect but 85% - a good hubby. Everyone need their own privacy and hobby. Your wife might not be as fortunate as you , hence complaining that u didn’t give enough. In other words, she has to take care of the kids which prevent her from having any spare time to even do what she like – (etc:shopping). Yet she saw you enjoying your game.

Just remember this, human are never satisfied . No matter how hard you try, even sacrificing all your leisure time, she will still be complaining . Take it easy. Try to ignore when she complained or just answered her; “Ah ok” (No action done)
not everyone is perfect..if you are not helping the family,the family will solely depend on her in that case..it is a wife's job to be a good mother as well as a good wife..she will never be happy unless she is carefree(this is not possible at all when you have kids) asian wives are mostly unable to take hardships..especially if you notice the girls nowadays,they are not able to settle down in a family as they cannot do housework or even take care of themselves well..

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